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May 27, 2010

And the Next American Idol Is...

Posted by The MaryHunter at May 27, 2010 4:47 AM

In a stunning upset, Lee DeWyze, the bashful paint salesman from Mt. Prospect, Illinois, took this season's American Idol title away from the favorite, President Barack Obama.

This popularity contest had been considered a shoe-in for Obama, whose poise, self-confidence, and clean articulateness were expected to completely overshadow the raw talent and musicianship of his opponents. Pundits posit that DeWyze's unassuming character and apparent lack of self-confidence for much of the season proved a refreshing alternative to viewers, who were actually able to focus not on his persona, but his compelling musical talent.

Indeed, DeWyze was always on the ascent, powering through walking pneumonia for the Cornelius Brothers' "Treat Her Like a Lady," and making everyone take notice when he unexpectedly dueted with a bagpipe player on The Beatles' "Hey Jude." The sheepish vocalist struggled more at conversing with Ryan Seacrest and maneuvering through the group routines than singing.

This latest loss makes the phenomenon now known as the Obama Touch all too personal for the Leader of the Free World. Intelligence reports had suggested that President Obama, with the aid of his teleprompter, would be propelled to victory through countless votes from Chinese and Saudi fans, owing to his back-breaking conciliatory bows to their respective heads of state. It has since been revealed that intel agencies neglected to take into account time-zone differences from prime-time live coverage in their computer models, thus confounding their vote-count predictions.

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Mr. President, sir, you are NO American Idol.