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June 9, 2009

Captain Crunch Sued

Today's lawsuit of the day:

A federal judge in California has dismissed a complaint filed by a San Diego woman who had bought "Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries" for four years believing the cereal contained real berries.
Janine Sugawara cried fraud when she learned the "berries" were only colored cereal balls flavored with strawberry concentrate. She sued the manufacturer on behalf of all crunchberry-eating Americans.

Common sense made a rare appearance in a courtroom when Judge Morrison England Jr. ruled:

This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a "crunchberry." … A reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. … So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.
Plaintiff did not explain why she could not reasonably have figured this out at any point during the four years she alleged she bought Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries in reliance on defendant's fraud.

Sugawara's lawyers had previously tried suing Froot Loops for not being loops of fruit.

Next we'll learn that Captain Crunch isn't really a commissioned naval officer.

On a tip from Mark P.

Posted by Van Helsing at June 9, 2009 7:51 AM


I'll bet I know who she voted for.

Posted by: JustAl at June 9, 2009 7:56 AM


The "Prudent Man" priciple is coming back into vogue? I must have dropped through a time warp. Stand by for this judge to be impeached in order to save the trial lawyers. HE HAS TO GO! (/sarc)

Posted by: chuck in st paul at June 9, 2009 7:59 AM

you should have seen how pist i was the day i found out that buffalo didn't really have wings...

Posted by: nancz at June 9, 2009 8:12 AM

I'll bet I know who she voted for.


This is worse than the lawsuit to start all frivolous lawsuits about the woman that didn't know McDonald's coffee was supposed to be HOT.

The crunchberry moron didn't WIN the lawsuit, did she? I would think it'd get laughed out of court, but then again, look at the world we live in where people always try to get rich playing the Litigation Lottery.

Posted by: Atomic Lib Smasher at June 9, 2009 8:20 AM

Oh Crap you mean to tell me that after all these years of eating this stuff that crunchberry are not real berries? Dam now I have to tell my doctor that I am not eating the proper amount of fruits. Oh man I been had!!!

Posted by: Sean at June 9, 2009 8:21 AM

OK, this is really pathetic. I would be willing to bet that this pathetic individual can not only find her voter ID but her food stamp card as well.

I'm also willing to bet she voted for Obama, you know "change and hope" and all the rest of the bullshit.

The truly STUPID should not be allowed to vote.

In any upcoming election the parasites that collect a Government check should be dis-qualified from voting at all, that's kind of a conflict interest that they be allowed to vote.


Posted by: Bungee at June 9, 2009 8:22 AM

And Captain Crunch is not made out of Captains, either!

Posted by: Judith M. at June 9, 2009 8:31 AM

How about the guy who is suing McDonald's because of their pickles:
Jumping in Pools

Posted by: Bill at June 9, 2009 8:34 AM

From now on she should be made to pay lifestyle taxes to the One to munch on her cruchberries.

The MSM will obviously ignore that the judge who exercised common sense in this case, Morrison England, Jr., ’83, is black, and was nominated for the federal court in March 2002 by President George W. Bush and confirmed by the U.S. Senate five months later. A football player at the University of the Pacific, England had a tryout with a National Football League team and was an assistant college football coach as a law student. He was a partner in a general practice law firm for 13 years before being appointed by Governor Pete Wilson to the Sacramento Municipal Court. In 1997, he was elevated to the Sacramento Superior Court where he served until his nomination to the federal bench.

To the left, he's just another Uncle Tom sell-out like Clarence Thomas.

This will obviously cause outcries in the Obama camp for more jurists like Sotomayor to lend her Latina female perspective and empathy to correct this travesty of justice and to appreciate from her experience that this poor woman was taken advantage of by a giant corporation when she simply thought she was getting her daily dose of crunchberry fruit.

Posted by: ZMarshall at June 9, 2009 8:54 AM

C'mon we all know this lady lives in a double wide and voted for the Bushes.

Posted by: Anonymous at June 9, 2009 9:09 AM

You know, I've often wondered... was Cap'n Crunch automatically made a Captain, or did he have to work his way up... Seaman Crunch, Bosuns Mate Crunch, then First Mate Crunch....

Posted by: hiram at June 9, 2009 9:13 AM

You mean Girl Scout Cookies arent made with read Girl Scounts? Damn! Im suing!

Posted by: Hannibal Lecter at June 9, 2009 9:25 AM

I'm in the process of suing Girl Scouts of America for their misleading packaging of "Girl Scout Cookies".

Posted by: Joe the Plumber at June 9, 2009 9:26 AM

I believe you can buy Seaman Crunch in San Francisco

Posted by: catholicdude at June 9, 2009 9:35 AM

Eventually you shall have your choice of "Rear Admiral Crunch", "Archduke Chocula", caffeinated bacon, or baconated grapefruit! "The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries." I wonder what the crunchberries taste like?

Posted by: Mr Evilwrench at June 9, 2009 9:52 AM

Wait a minute. Does this mean animal crackers aren't made out of real animals???!!!!!

Posted by: Farmer Ted at June 9, 2009 10:05 AM

Yea, right - next thing you'll try to tell me is that a Dodge Ram is not a real goat.

Or that a Jeep Cherokee is not a real Indian.

Speaking of Jeep Cherokee - how come all the guilty, whining, silly little liberals don't demand a name change as they do for college sports teams?

Posted by: Jimbo at June 9, 2009 10:05 AM

"Common sense made a rare appearance"

Sad, but oh so true. /sigh

Posted by: Cluebat from Exodar at June 9, 2009 10:10 AM

"Common sense made a rare appearance"

Sad, but oh so true. /sigh

Posted by: Cluebat from Exodar at June 9, 2009 10:11 AM

Posted by: Farmer Ted at June 9, 2009 10:05 AM

you're thinking pre-peta days.

Posted by: nancz at June 9, 2009 10:30 AM

Also, Lucky Charms are not actually magical.

Posted by: V the K at June 9, 2009 10:48 AM

they need to make an all crunchberry cereal.

and bring back frankenberry, and booberry you cereal nazis.

Posted by: furballz at June 9, 2009 10:50 AM

Just as bad as that jerk who sued McDonalds and Burger King over his obesty, i mean these liberal moonbats dont take anymore personal responibilty always depending on a bunch of greedy trial lawyers solve their problems in court I HOPE SHE GETS FED ON EGGSHELLS AND CHALK TILL SHE BARFS

Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at June 9, 2009 11:41 AM

Can anyone remeber when CAPTIAN CRUNCH sailed around aboard the GUPPY with his crew of kids and sea dog?

Posted by: Flu-Bird at June 9, 2009 11:44 AM

HEE HEE! Nobody knows that "Crunchberries" are really just dingle-berries I got from the Quaker Oats man.

Posted by: THE ACTUAL Captain Crunch at June 9, 2009 11:51 AM

I can't believe she is now appealing the ruling

Posted by: Doh at June 9, 2009 2:04 PM

Rumor has it that the creature standing next to Cap'n Crunch is her lawyer.

Posted by: Graycat at June 9, 2009 2:51 PM

Did the judge sanction the plaintiff? He should have, Quaker is still out legal fees. Btw, let's get this right: that's Froot Loops, not Fruit Loops.

Posted by: Bob Smith at June 9, 2009 3:22 PM

Since the election of Sheik Obama this idiots are all over the place.

Crunch Berries are not real!? WOW!!!!!

Posted by: Dave at June 9, 2009 4:00 PM

Thanks Bob. Fixed it.

Posted by: Van Helsing at June 9, 2009 5:22 PM

"Can anyone remeber when CAPTIAN CRUNCH sailed around aboard the GUPPY with his crew of kids and sea dog?
"Posted by: Flu-Bird at June 9, 2009 11:44 AM"

I remember. And there was "Gene laFeet", the barefeet pirate, "Smedley", the elephant, and...

OH GOD! I'M OLD! (Sobs)

"Btw, let's get this right: that's Froot Loops, not Fruit Loops.
"Posted by: Bob Smith at June 9, 2009 3:22 PM"

(Wednesday Addams voice) "Is it made from real FROOTS?"

Posted by: KHarn at June 9, 2009 5:58 PM

I'm surprised she wasn't committed. Didn't she ever look at the box? Of course , with some of today's artificially flavored cereals, that would requiire a doctorate in organic chemistry.

Posted by: James McEnanly at June 9, 2009 7:56 PM

And JOHN LaFOOT the BAREFOOT PIRATE and the CRUNCH BERRY BEAST the funny little guy that appeared on the box with the captian

Posted by: Condor at June 9, 2009 9:21 PM

How about MAGNOLIA BULKHEAD and her pal SUBMARINE that crazy lady with the crush on the captian

Posted by: KILLER BIRD FROM BODEGA BAY at June 9, 2009 9:26 PM

♪ “Aye Aye-aye aye – I am the Frito Bandito!” ♪

Posted by: Jimbo at June 9, 2009 9:27 PM

What do you mean Captain Crunch is not a commissioned naval officer!? I've been taking orders from him for years!!

Posted by: Frank White at June 9, 2009 9:32 PM

the comments for this thread made my morning :-)))

Posted by: 3bus at June 10, 2009 4:36 AM

Sonny the Couckoo Bird used to wear a red and white striped shirt and Aunt Jimmima used to wear a scarf

Posted by: Rockin Robin at June 10, 2009 7:54 AM

So now we have the Crunch Berry syndrome!

Posted by: oldguy at June 10, 2009 8:45 AM

Not to worry folks. I have managed to wean Ms. Sugawara off of those fraudulent "Cruchberries" and placed her on a steady diet of vitamin rich "Dingleberries". Now with real Dingles!

Posted by: Unscrupulous at June 10, 2009 1:40 PM