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March 26, 2008

Japanese Moonbats: Baseball Causes Global Warming

Soon baseball season will be underway at last. Enjoy it while you can; our national pastime has been found to exacerbate the nonexistent global warming crisis:

Japanese professional baseball players have vowed to shorten playing time per game as part of the national pastime's contribution to the fight against global warming.
They will aim to cut playing time by six percent, or 12 minutes, from the average of three hours and 18 minutes per game, the Nippon Professional Baseball (NPB) commissioners' office said.
"When a professional baseball game is staged, a huge amount of carbon dioxides, a cause of global warming, is discharged because it requires use of energy to move players and spectators, supply electricity for lighting and other purposes and dispose of food and drink waste," NPB said in a statement.

Let's hope trimming a few minutes off of games is enough to save the polar bears, so the game doesn't have to be banned altogether.

On a tip from Wiggins.

Posted by Van Helsing at March 26, 2008 6:29 PM


It's official - this is the stupidest thing I've ever read. (Hash, you have competition.

Put aside your grownup's scepticism about the whole global warming nonsense. Would this be a bad time to point out that once someone is at the game, he's already generated whatever CO2 was necessary to get him there, and therefore shaving a few minutes off the duration of the game couldn't matter less?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 26, 2008 7:44 PM

Well! How much CO2 is produced by checkers and poker - indoor games usually played with lights on? OMG - Monopoly games can go on for HOURS!

I'll bet at any given time theres 1,000 times more people playing board and card games than attending/playing baseball.

I never realized!

Ban board games! Stop the Olympics! NASCAR??? GAWD what evil destroyers!!!! Doomed. DOOMED I tell you!

I bet it wasn't homosexuality that caused the downfall of Rome at all! Nero wasn't playing with his fiddle - he was PLAYING CHECKERS! GAAAAAH!

Who knew?

Posted by: Jimbo at March 26, 2008 7:58 PM

wondering how much CO2 is discharged at Global Warming rallies.

It's all so self-recursive...

Posted by: mega at March 26, 2008 8:07 PM

mega has hinted at the solution: all Moonbats must stop breathing as of . . .right now! Smother yourselves, drown yourselves, whatever it takes -- you're saving the planet by sacrificing your lives (miserable existences, rather).

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Posted by: jc14 at March 26, 2008 8:16 PM

How about banning roasted peanuts which I dearly love. They make me gassy. Nevermind I'll wire Algore some cash for a reprieve.

Posted by: TomH at March 26, 2008 9:05 PM

maybe it's a plot by moonbats to kill off all the plants. Don't plants need the CO2? It finally all makes sense.


Notice how many of the global warming hoaxters are vegetarians. We thought it was because they love animals. But it's actually because they hate plants. And now they're trying to suffocate the poor plants.

Finally, I understand.

Posted by: mega at March 26, 2008 9:46 PM

Polar bears suck! They try to kill you!

I don't see why the hippies love bears so much.. bears don't really like hippies... unless wanting to eat them counts as liking them.

Posted by: Cartman at March 27, 2008 12:44 AM

Set off a high altitude nuke over Japan so the resulting EMP would fry almost anything with a computer chip in it. Then Japans global warming footprint would become very very very very small.

Posted by: Anonymous at March 27, 2008 5:15 AM

Posted by: V the K at March 27, 2008 5:43 AM

It would help if Japanese baseball played day games instead of the nighters they have now.

Posted by: ex-expat at March 27, 2008 7:11 AM

They should require all Japanese pitchers to throw only off-speed stuff. Can't have any of them "bringin' the heat!"

Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 27, 2008 10:29 AM

Hey, I've even got the slogan: "Every time you throw a fast ball, a polar bear dies!'

Although I agree with Cartman - to hell with the polar bears. They hunt us, we might as well get our own back.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 27, 2008 10:33 AM