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September 5, 2007

Ecoweenies Impose Third-World Enslavement For Gaia

The leader of Britain's allegedly conservative party, David Cameron, offsets his carbon emissions the old-fashioned way: by enslaving the natives of India.

Cameron buys eco-indulgences from Climate Care, a company that discourages the use of modern technology among farmers in the Third World. As Brendan O'Neill puts it:

Cameron can fly around the world with a guilt-free conscience on the basis that, thousands of miles away, Indian villagers, bent over double, are working by hand rather than using machines that emit carbon.

Climate Care has been providing treadle pumps to poor families in rural India, so that they don't have to oppress the polar bears by using diesel engines. Treadle pumps could be found in British prisons up until a century ago, when they were banned because forcing convicts to use them was considered inhumane punishment.

Finding that "the best source of renewable energy is the human body itself," Climate Care expresses satisfaction on its website that children can be made to operate the treadle pumps.

O'Neill again:

Feeling guilty about your two-week break in Barbados, when you flew thousands of miles and lived it up with cocktails on sunlit beaches? Well, offset that guilt by sponsoring eco-friendly child labour in the developing world! Let an eight-year-old peasant pedal away your eco-remorse…

An added bonus of imposing primitive farming techniques on India is that the more people die of starvation, the fewer will be around to poison the ecosphere by exhaling CO2. Also, it will help prevent Indians from working their way out of poverty. If everybody in India started jetting around like David Cameron, think of all the carbon emissions! A couple centuries of that and the temperature might go up by half a degree or more.

Another Climate Care scheme involves forcing Indian peasants to burn dung instead of wood. Hey, easier for them to heat their little huts with dung than for Al Gore to use it to heat his whole mansion.

Speaking of conspicuous consumers, Britain's Prince Chucklehead, the world's leading argument against in-breeding, also buys off his eco-guilt by funding the fiends at Climate Care.

Get pumping, you little wog! You've got vacations to offset!

On a tip from V the K.

Posted by Van Helsing at September 5, 2007 2:13 PM


I have read my family's records and I know that we owned slaves. But the accounts show that we did treat them THIS badly!

Posted by: KHarn at September 5, 2007 2:22 PM

Howzabout this gem:

Global warming may pose threat to heart

Posted by: Byron at September 5, 2007 3:34 PM

Here's another goodie:

Global warming 'to hit Africa hardest',21985,22371641-5005961,00.html

Posted by: Texan at September 5, 2007 3:53 PM

One snap of that device could send the little wog's family jewels sailing 20 yards. Kind of a Nad-a-pult.

Posted by: mustafa p at September 5, 2007 5:11 PM

Does the kid running that pump emit C02?

Posted by: Stan at September 5, 2007 8:02 PM

Sure he emits CO2, when he eats Curry Beans and Panneer for dinner.


Posted by: Doug at September 5, 2007 8:40 PM

Prett boy Leo's Global Warming scaremongering film flops big time.

"More evidence that Al Gore's Live Earth flop was indeed the beginning of the end to the public's fascination with global warming: Leonardo DiCaprio's recently released film on the subject has bombed with moviegoers.

As reported by Fox News's Roger Friedman Wednesday (emphasis added throughout):

His environmental documentary, "The 11th Hour," has been a total bust at the box office. After 18 days in release, the film has grossed only $417,913 from ticket sales."

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at September 6, 2007 5:03 AM

Global warming may pose threat to heart

Particularly this guy's heart. It looks like something out of those workhouses that Ebenezer Scrooge was so keen on.

Posted by: James F McEnanly at September 6, 2007 4:12 PM