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May 15, 2007

Global Warming Spreads to Neptune

The global warming crisis has now spread beyond Mars all the way to Neptune, the most distant planet in the solar system (Pluto doesn't count anymore).

Neptune has been growing brighter and hotter since 1980. Scientists have correlated Neptune's warming trend, Earth's warming trend, and solar output.

This can only mean that our selfish refusal to rescind the industrial revolution is heating up not only the Earth, but the rest of the solar system, including the Sun itself, thereby causing it to emit more energy.

The only solution is for the United Nations to take full control of the planet and ban all modern technology. The alternative is an apocalypse of interplanetary dimensions.

The possibility that polar bears are drowning on Neptune at this very moment cannot be ruled out.

Neptune has been hit by the global warming blues.

Hat tip: NewsBusters.

Posted by Van Helsing at May 15, 2007 8:48 AM


Someone needs to ship those Neptunians a few shuttle loads of compact fluoresent bulbs along with a stern warning from 'Father' Gore.

Posted by: Jimbo at May 15, 2007 9:23 AM

Can we live with ourselves knowing that our kids might grow up to see a "Seven Planet Solar System!" Pluto has melted to a non-planet, know Neptune is next. We need to save the solar system for our children!

Posted by: sgtgizmo at May 15, 2007 10:02 AM

now, when did we do that?

Posted by: nanc at May 15, 2007 1:07 PM

I say it's all Voyager 2's fault!!!

Just kidding. That's what we get for trying to probe the mysteries of the outer planets.

Posted by: Anonymous at May 15, 2007 2:01 PM

Anonymous, you opened yourself up, I have have no choice but to take it.

You mean probe the mysteries of ... wait for it ... Uranus?

Sorry, but it had to be done.

Posted by: Steve at May 15, 2007 3:58 PM

Oh no, another instance of Glowball Warming™!

Posted by: Mike H. at May 16, 2007 1:52 AM

Uh, I was there with Bush driving all over in our SUV's thanks to Rove's time travel machine.

Loads of fun polluting that planet. We even killed and BBQ'd the last animal alive on the planet, the Y'sIsPreet. TASTY!

Posted by: Conan at May 16, 2007 12:09 PM

Solar warming has always been a component of terrestrial warming - however it is not believed to be the primary cause. I know, this is based on science, which none of you hold dear (as you write your small thoughts on the machines and technology thought up by the very scientists you despise) but that still doesn't change the fact that Earth is warming beyond what you would expect based on solar radiation alone.

Posted by: gunboat at May 16, 2007 1:00 PM

The most distant planet is Xena named by its discoverer. It is about 40% larger than planet Pluto. The 2nd most distant planet is Pluto. It always was a planet and always will be.

Posted by: William Lyons at May 18, 2007 6:51 PM