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April 3, 2007

Even Trees Cause Global Warming

By now you've probably noticed that everything humans and even animals do causes global warming. But it turns out that trees cause global warming too.

True, trees absorb the suddenly poisonous substance CO2. But their leaves also soak up sunlight, which is later released as heat. According to Stanford University atmospheric scientist Ken Caldeira:

Forests do store carbon, and as a result, the planet initially cools a little — maybe tenths of degrees. But over the long term, trees' heat absorption warms things up more.

Caldeira and colleagues created a computer simulation indicating that if most land areas in northern latitudes were covered with forests, the planet would be 6° warmer. This means that the token trees being planted as part of carbon offset swindles might later be cut down as part of future carbon offset swindles.

But then, computer models can be used to prove pretty much anything where climate is concerned. No doubt a capable scientist could prove it will snow in Egypt tomorrow if there were a government grant in it for him. The point once again is that scientists don't really know what causes climate fluctuation.

If you have trees in your yard, enjoy them while you can. The Supreme Court may issue a ruling against them at any moment.

Even trees are guilty.

On a tip from General Jack D. Ripper.

Posted by Van Helsing at April 3, 2007 9:06 AM


I guess by now everyone has heard about the latest Supreme Court intrustion into the free market and our personal lives. Yesterday, the MSM gleefully reported that the court had rejected the administration on global warming-ruling that it does have authority to allow the EPA to regulate "greenhouse" gases. Enjoy what little freedom you have left, because they are right now moving against your freedom of choice to drive what you like. Someday it will likely be illegal to put gas in your SUV.

Posted by: Chris at April 3, 2007 10:36 AM

Some day perhaps you will be required to wear a CO2 capture mask over your nose and mouth to keep it from entering the atmosphere or pay hefty fines.

Unless of course it youre wealthy, in which case you can buy carbon credits from Al Bores carbon trading company.

Sound insane? Are you really so sure?

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at April 3, 2007 11:11 AM

I'm surprised they didn't pick up on the fact that decaying leaves produce more CO2 than volcanoes (which in turn produce more CO2 than humans). They should put leaf-catching diapers on all the trees of the planet. Or just burn them down.

BTW, I've watched that documentary The Great Global Warming Swindle several times. I'm making it a regular thing.

Posted by: the paperboy at April 3, 2007 2:13 PM

Of course the trees in the Northern latitudes cause the most glowbal warming...That's where all the wealth is.

Posted by: bah_humbug at April 3, 2007 6:07 PM

George Bush could solve the problem by allocating millions to the logging industry because they plant and grow so many trees - a sort of carbon offset response to the Supreme (oracle)Court mischief.

Posted by: DL at April 4, 2007 8:15 AM