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August 24, 2006

Moonbats Object to Addressing Canada Geese Plague

If there is one animal that no reasonable person could be exposed to without loathing, it is the Canada goose. They aren't ugly, other than being grotesquely large. But they are unnervingly aggressive, even dumber than you would expect, and above all, they are numerous.

Their numbers used to be quite manageable. But misguided efforts to increase their population succeeded all too well, producing a plague of the hateful creatures. They will congregate by the hundreds wherever they find mowed grass, quickly converting parks and baseball diamonds into disgusting no-go zones completely coated in droppings well over an inch thick, so that it is literally impossible to step anywhere without hearing a nauseating squish.

Due to their prevalence even in urban areas, their combination of mindlessness and aggressiveness causes Canada geese to wander into traffic, resulting in massive traffic jams since — due to our own combination of mindlessness and moonbattery — you can get in trouble for simply driving over the miserable beasts.

At last authorities are lightening up on the moronic restrictions that prevent people from dealing with this menace. Landowners will finally be allowed to destroy their nests and eggs without federal permits. Airports will be permitted to round them up to be put out of our misery. When the giant birds threaten public health by congregating in their copiously crapping multitudes at reservoirs, athletic fields, beaches, etc., local governments will actually be allowed to do something about it. The hunting season for Canada geese, which ought to be year-round with a bounty paid, is at least extended into August.

Moonbats are appalled. There are literally millions more geese than we know what to do with, but the Humane Society wants them gently moved to someplace where they will stop causing havoc. Raves its utterly delusional urban wildlife program director John Hadidian,

They are very smart birds, and they learn right away where they are and are not tolerated.

Anyone who has ever dealt with these winged vermin knows that Hadidian must be living in his own private reality, which is blissfully free of Canada geese.

Turning a field into the bottom of a birdcage.

Posted by Van Helsing at August 24, 2006 4:19 PM


Too bad they taste like crap, else we could use them to feed the homeless.

Posted by: metalgarth at August 24, 2006 4:44 PM

Boo big sh*tfilled Canadian stink-bird; YEA BEER!

Posted by: monsoon at August 24, 2006 5:16 PM

One question, where do all the lame-brained moonbats who come here to post come from?

I'm guessing that to go to their favorite Bush=Hitler ranting sites, they invariably type "moonbat" into a search engine.

What do you think?

Posted by: Doug at August 24, 2006 5:26 PM

I have certainly done my part in thinning out the numbers of this beast. I dare not guess how many have fallen to my shot. I would certainly have no objection to an extended season.

I must graciously disagree, however, the the first comment. Done correctly, goose can be a most enjoyable meal.

As to the problem posed by the urbanized Canadian Geese, I can't say that its a huge bother to me personally. My proposed solution is thus; to have 24 hour roving/freerange Jack Russel Terrier patrols to displace the winged intruders.

As for the reaction of the unhinged enviro-wackos, what else were we to expect from them?

Posted by: Junker at August 24, 2006 5:43 PM


Posted by: Steve at August 24, 2006 8:37 PM

Metalgarth, you do not know how to cook a goose. If cooked slowly, and then finished with high heat so that the skin is crisp, a goose is a great family meal. And they would be cheap as birdshot to feed the homeless.

Junker, Jack Russell terriers would not be my choice. A pack of near-wild Ridgebacks woluld do it.


Posted by: chsw10605 at August 24, 2006 9:20 PM

Just set up a pair of General Electric M134 mini guns in a crossfire pattern and sweep them back and forth about 10 feet above the geese.

That should end the problem once and for all.

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at August 24, 2006 9:25 PM

Man, drink a Molson and chill.

Posted by: sknabt at August 24, 2006 10:16 PM

Junker is correct: goose tastes fantastic!

Posted by: Jonathan at August 24, 2006 10:24 PM

The Geese actually are fairly bright ..... for birds. Not that that is a very high standard, since it includes pigeons, which on a scale of intelligence compare unfavorably with bread mold.

Still brighter than Moonbats, though.

Posted by: C. S. P. Schofield at August 25, 2006 3:00 AM

"The Geese actually are fairly bright ..... for birds. Not that that is a very high standard, since it includes pigeons, which on a scale of intelligence compare unfavorably with bread mold.

Still brighter than Moonbats, though."


On the intelligence of geese. Like most other animals, they can learn by example. Urban geese are tame and trouble making because they've never come under fire from hunters. You need not slaughter geese to teach them to be weary of humans. Rural geese, during hunting season, are very skiddish creatures.

Posted by: Junker at August 25, 2006 11:03 PM

I love goose. It is delicious.

Posted by: bigwhitehat at August 26, 2006 12:38 AM