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May 13, 2006

Profiles in Countermoonbattery: Joe Arpaio

Hats off to Joe Arpaio, the ultimate anti-moonbat. The secret of Arpaio's success as Sheriff of Maricopa County (i.e., Greater Phoenix) is that he treats criminals like criminals, instead of showering them with privileges they do not deserve.

Lawbreakers foolish enough to make their way into Arpaio's custody do not have the "right" to smoke, ogle porno magazines, or have fun lifting weights and watching R-rated movies. Instead of loafing in their cells, masturbating and watching TV, they go out and work. So as to avoid being sued for discrimination, Arpaio even started the world's first female chain gang.

Appallingly, a federal court order requires that criminals have a "right" to cable TV in jail (how thoughtful of the Founding Fathers to include that provision in the Constitution). However, in Arpaio's jails, the only channels you'll see are Disney and the Weather Channel, and the latter can't be much solace when it's promising 120-degree heat to thugs on their way out to work in the sun.

But that's not the only entertainment for the inmates. Arpaio treats them to a Newt Gingrich lecture series. When asked if he were going to play lectures by a Democrat, he replied that a Democrat's lectures would explain why they were in jail in the first place.

When the inmates whined after he stopped serving coffee, Sheriff Joe replied:

This isn't the Ritz-Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back.

Others complain about his tent city jails. Joe's response:

It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!

Refreshingly, Arpaio also applies the "treat criminals like criminals" approach to the illegal aliens flooding across the Mexican border. He's put together an old-fashioned posse to patrol the desert southwest of Phoenix for invaders.

Despite Arizona Governor Janet "Nappy" Napolitano's use of her veto power to prevent any sort of effective defense from the Mexican invasion, Arpaio has found a way to arrest aliens. Smuggling is a felony: Arpaio charges them with smuggling themselves. Instead of turning the illegals over to the Border Patrol for a free ride back to Mexico so they can try again the next day, Arpaio gives them "a free ride into the county jail."

Arpaio's high-profile willingness to do something about the Mexican invasion, combined with the Minutemen's noble efforts, may actually force Bush to act responsibly and put the military on the border where it belongs.

Although moonbats don't like him much, Phoenix residents give Sheriff Joe an 85% approval rating.

Thank you Joe Arpaio, for keeping alive the spirit of the Old West that is such a treasured part of our culture.


Posted by Van Helsing at May 13, 2006 8:46 AM


Lived east of Phoenix for awhile...only thing I liked about it was Joe.
Long may he live. Too bad we can't clone him.

Posted by: Jael at May 13, 2006 9:16 AM

I wish I were half as cool as he is.

Posted by: Jason at May 13, 2006 10:32 AM

Put Joe in charge of the CBP! The Guard or our military are not the right organizations for the job - it should be civilian law enforcement and a huge fence.

Posted by: tfhr at May 13, 2006 12:18 PM

Posted by: V the K at May 13, 2006 12:29 PM

Sheriff Joe also makes all inmates register for the draft if eligable! And yes, the law does apply to the "migrants".

Posted by: EastValley at May 13, 2006 12:52 PM

I thought all states were supposed to be run like that? Boy,is my face red.

Posted by: mickey at May 13, 2006 1:05 PM

Do you get the feeling Joe really likes the "Walking Tall" movies from the 70s?

Posted by: phil at May 14, 2006 11:24 AM

How long will it be before some personal smear or trumped-up allegation of "abuse" or whatever emerges and gets him pushed out of office? You know its coming...Arpaio's too sensible and effective to be allowed to remain in his position.

Posted by: prince of leaves at May 14, 2006 2:48 PM