« Never Trust a Moonbat | Main | Freed German Moonbat Praises Her Terrorist Captors »

December 26, 2005

Hairspray Your Way to Millions


Prepare to pay more for hairspray thanks to one Lorraine Squicciarini, who decided to open a can of Aquanet with a can opener, near a gas range's pilot light.

Evidently the can's nozzle had become clogged, so Ms. Squicciarini thought she would open up the can to see what the problem was. The results were predictable. According to her family's lawyer, David Schoen:

She soon became engulfed in flames, turning her whole body, virtually from head to toe, into a ball of fire.

The next day her stupidity proved fatal, when she died of her burns in a Staten Island hospital.

Naturally her bereaved relatives are blaming the company that made the hairspray. There are plans to loot Unilever USA for $10 million in compensatory damages, plus $100 million in punitive damages.

There was a printed warning on the hairspray against puncturing the can, but Schoen regards it as "insufficient." After all, anyone dumb enough to take a can opener to a can of hairspray can hardly be expected to read.

For Schoen's sake let's up he can find equally wise individuals to serve on the jury. Chances are he will.

Hat tip: Wiggins


Posted by Van Helsing at December 26, 2005 8:02 PM


Wait a mean it's NOT OK to open an aerosol can near an open flame with a can opener?

Why not?

Posted by: Pauly at December 26, 2005 10:23 PM

Darwin is giggling right now...

Posted by: Carrie at December 27, 2005 11:53 AM