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April 1, 2010
David Brooks: "Barack Obama Healed My Tumor"
Posted by Gregory of Yardale at April 1, 2010 5:18 AM
Everybody who isn't a racist kook loves our president, Barack Obama, and recognizes just how lucky America is to have a man of such wisdom and temperament ruling our country at this tempestuous time in our history.
But, for formerly conservative New York Times columnist David Brooks, there is an even more intimate and special connection to our president. In a recent column, Brooks revealed that, just a few weeks prior to meeting the future president in 2008, he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, and would probably not be alive today, were it not for President Obama.
As I sat across from Obama on the couch, thinking what a very good president he was destined to be, his serene features took on an air of concern. "Is there something wrong, David?" He asked.
I was shocked --- and pleasantly surprised --- that he would use my first name. It was as though he had communed with my very soul. I felt I could tell him anything, because it was as though he already knew me.
When I told him about my tumor, he became very calm. "Do you believe in me, David?" he asked.
I assured him that I was sure he would make a very good president.
He chuckled then --- a very human thing to do, I thought --- and then laid his hands on my head.
"David," he said, "I want you to relax, imagine your body filling with light. Picture your body as clean and perfect as the crease in my pants." I felt... something... a tingling sensation, a feeling of warmth and light that spread throughout my body like comprehensive national health care. When he took his hands away, we wrapped up the interview as though nothing had happened.
When I returned to my oncologist a few days later, he found no traces of the tumor.
Brooks adds that anyone with the slightest doubt about the truth of his story is probably a racist and potentially violent teabagger, like all critics of our super duper president.
By the way, you might want to check the date on this post. I thought it would be fun to imitate the Obama Amen Corner, just for a day. Now, I feel weird; it's as though when I write gushing, empty-headed praise to Barack Obama I feel there are absolutely no consequences to any actions I take, yet somehow I'm morally superior to everyone else! And everyone who disagrees with me can be smugly dismissed and ridiculed.
A curious sensation.
