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November 17, 2009
Global Warming Produces Plague of Giant Jellyfish
Posted by Van Helsing at November 17, 2009 7:52 AM
Even as the wheels come loose from the discredited global warming hoax, the statist media continues to fabricate exotic new threats in an increasingly farcical attempt to scare us into believing in the liberal elite's favorite Trojan horse for totalitarianism. Now we need the Authorities to do something really drastic or we'll be menaced by giant jellyfish:
A blood-orange blob the size of a small refrigerator emerged from the dark waters, its venomous tentacles trapped in a fishing net. Within minutes, hundreds more were being hauled up, a pulsating mass crowding out the catch of mackerel and sea bass.
The fishermen leaned into the nets, grunting and grumbling as they tossed the translucent jellyfish back into the bay, giants weighing up to 200 kilograms (450 pounds), marine invaders that are putting the men's livelihoods at risk. …
Scientists believe climate change — the warming of oceans — has allowed some of the almost 2,000 jellyfish species to expand their ranges, appear earlier in the year and increase overall numbers, much as warming has helped ticks, bark beetles and other pests to spread to new latitudes.
The gelatinous seaborne creatures are blamed for decimating fishing industries in the Bering and Black seas, forcing the shutdown of seaside power and desalination plants in Japan, the Middle East and Africa, and terrorizing beachgoers worldwide, the U.S. National Science Foundation says.
The only solution to a plague of giant jellyfish is still more bloated and omnipresent Big Government, as AP hastens to make clear.
"We have been getting rid of jellyfish. But no matter how hard we try, the jellyfish keep coming and coming," said Fumio Oma, whose crew is out of work after their net broke under the weight of thousands of jellyfish. "We need the government's help to get rid of the jellyfish." …
Addressing the surge in jellyfish blooms in most places will require long-term fixes, such as introducing fishing quotas and pollution controls, as well as capping greenhouse gas emissions to control global warming, experts said.
What experts? What are they experts on? Never mind, all experts know what they're talking about or they wouldn't be experts, and the experts say jellyfish belong on The List.
On a tip from Wiggins.
Update:
Comments
"We need the government's help to get rid of the jellyfish."
And provide my health care, feed my kids, pay my house note, clothe my kids, keep my neighbors quiet, etc...etc...
Give me a break... Call Algore's fat ass down to clean them up.
But seriously, I got a case of the crabs and some unidentifiable rash down at the truck stop this past weekend.
Was that caused by global warming? Should I call Algore? Will that white cream clear it up? Does diesel fuel actually work? Not going to stop going to the truck stop.
Posted by: Eneils Bailey at November 17, 2009 8:23 AM
I guess Peanut Butter and Jellyfish sandwiches will be on the menu in Japan.
Instead of whining about jellyfish they should just be glad Godzilla and Rhodan havent shown up ---------- yet.
Posted by: Winston Smith - Ministry of Truth at November 17, 2009 8:26 AM
And i suppose if the RESPLENDANT QUETZAL turned carniverous they would blame GLOBAL WARMING Aww heck theres a episode of the 60s sci fi series VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA involving a giant jellyfish and it was realy realy big
Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at November 17, 2009 8:31 AM
GMTA Winston, "Peanut Butter and Jellyfish sandwiches".
Either that, or maybe some enterprising capitalist could make KY Jellyfish and pass it out free to the guys on Folsom Street.
Posted by: Nunya at November 17, 2009 8:34 AM
Jellyfish are people too!!!!
The gov't must stop the harassment & killing of innocent jellyfish by those murderous scum, the fishermen!!
In order to keep the jellyfish in their natural reproductive environment we demand that Obama pass legislation that all attempts to stop Global Warming be halted.
Posted by: PETA at November 17, 2009 8:46 AM
I cannot believe this is the first time seeing THE LIST!
Posted by: nancz at November 17, 2009 9:07 AM
Oh, feed them to the damn polar bears and STFU.
For a group of people so firm in their 'evolution' beliefs they just can't grasp the idea that things are still 'evolving' on the planet. We won't reach some finish line and just exist as 'done evolving'.
Posted by: drillanwr at November 17, 2009 9:20 AM
GODZIRRRA!!!
It happens.
Posted by: czuch at November 17, 2009 9:27 AM
Wait until the sequel to CLOVERFIELD is out. Hint: It involved Jellyfish and Japan.
Posted by: Winston Smith - Ministry of Truth at November 17, 2009 9:43 AM
The unnamed experts are the fools writing the story. They are experts at sensationalizing the news. After all that is all this story was about. Find a quirk of nature get a few quotes from some fisherman and then the 'expert' says we gotta tax the living crap out of everyone or the world will end! And people who can't put two independent and coherent thoughts together per week buy into the foolishness. We got too many of them around. Too often called 'experts'.
Posted by: Bob at November 17, 2009 10:04 AM
Put them on the Public School Lunch Menus...where they belong.
Get Bill Cosby to endorse them.
Posted by: Uncle Tom at November 17, 2009 10:12 AM
"Get Bill Cosby to endorse them."
Oh, I get it...Jell-O fish.
Posted by: Sylvia at November 17, 2009 10:15 AM
When your cause, or the tenets of it contained within becomes the punchline of jokes, it time to consider supporting some other joke.
The sad thing about this is that Algore will become a billionaire pushing this joke.
Posted by: Eneils Bailey at November 17, 2009 10:20 AM
"We need the government's help to get rid of the jellyfish."
And a pony.
Wait, I thought (global|climate) (warming|cooling|change) was bad for life on Earth? If the jellyfish are dying out, it's bad. If they're thriving, it's bad. So what is good, exactly, other than handing over our lives to the government?
Posted by: CoderInCrisis at November 17, 2009 10:34 AM
"We need the government's help to get rid of the jellyfish."
One Jellyfish Czar, coming up!
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 17, 2009 10:47 AM
Hey, maybe the goddamned jellyfish are causing global warming, instead of the other way round. Did they ever think of that?
But first, before wiping them, we need to ask the critical question: do they vote Democratic?
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 17, 2009 10:50 AM
"These are not the jellyfish I knew." - Barack Obama
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 17, 2009 10:52 AM
"We're from the government, and we're here to help. Here's $10 billion to breed peanut butter fish to go with the jellyfish."
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 17, 2009 10:54 AM
I have consulted with my ecological experts this morning while I filled my tank down at the local gas station.
We came up with a solution for the problem.
The Japs like seafood, right?
Heard they eat anything that swims in the ocean or crawls along on the sea floor, right?
And they will eat it raw. That makes solving the problem much easier.
Just set up a portable sushi stand over the dead jellyfish. A hungry Jap ventures by, you just cut off a chunk of jelly fish and serve it.
If the jelly fish gets older, starts changing color, starts to smell, and starts excreting foul juices, just tell them it is special sauce.
Problem solved!!!
I am like Algore, I love fixing these ecological disasters.
Enjoy the sushi.
Posted by: Eneils Bailey at November 17, 2009 11:09 AM
I cannot believe this is the first time seeing THE LIST!
Posted by: nancz at November 17, 2009 9:07 AM
I had not seen that either! It would be hilarious that so many fools worldwide are still taken in by that scam...if it weren't for them stealing our money because of it. *sigh*
Posted by: Anonymous at November 17, 2009 12:49 PM
WTF These "experts" never heard of the ARGO project?
Here we have "experts" talking about oceanic warming, when there is HARD DATA showing the world's oceans are COOLING.
Sorry for the blog pimping but if you don't know what ARGO is, you really should:
http://votefordavid.blogspot.com/2008/03/global-warming-is-real.html
Posted by: Vote For David at November 17, 2009 12:57 PM
Which moonbat decided that polar bears are good and jellyfish are bad, and where are the even nuttier fruits to chant slogans like:
This is species-ist!
Equal rights for equal creatures!
Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya!
Posted by: Anonymous Countermoonbat at November 17, 2009 3:15 PM
What up!
Posted by: Mothra at November 17, 2009 3:48 PM
Tell the Chinese that eating jellyfish cures impotence. The jellyfish will be endangered faster than you can say "rhino horn."
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 17, 2009 5:08 PM
Michael Moore?
Posted by: Anonymous at November 17, 2009 6:29 PM
Their comming out with a movie based on a book THE FLOCK its about these super intellegent terror birds living in FLORIDA, I dont suppose we could get those smart birds to vote as conservatives their certianly more intellegent then those turkeys in WASHINGTON and the big turkey in the whitehouse SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK HYUK,HYUK,HYUK
Posted by: Flu-Bird at November 17, 2009 9:35 PM
Why should you believe in Global Warning?
Posted by: paget at November 17, 2009 10:13 PM
It's all the fault of the Chinese...
"Increasingly polluted waters — off China, for example — boost growth of the microscopic plankton that "jellies" feed upon, while overfishing has eliminated many of the jellyfish's predators and cut down on competitors for plankton feed."
Posted by: Mack at November 17, 2009 11:33 PM
Can I have sex with them?
Posted by: Lao at November 18, 2009 2:02 AM
