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October 1, 2009
Ralph Nader's 700 Page Moonbat Fantasy
Ralph Nader is a delusional communist who thinks that the American people, en masse, desire the implementation of the soviet-style worker's paradise he has always promised; despite the fact that the only people who voted for him were subscribers to The Nation, the faculty of Berkeley, and the Lesbian Womyn's Dairy Collective of Burlington, Vermont.
So, Ralphie has written a novel in which he fantasizes about a collection of uber-wealthy leftist billionaires (George Soros, Warren Buffet, Ted Turner) and celebrities (Oprah Winfrey, Yoko Ono) who collude to take over America and create a socialist paradise. (Modeled on socialist success stories like North Korea, Cuba, and Zimbabwe.)
Rob Long spared us the trouble of reading this idiot's tome, and reports on the contents:
- Fossilized Marxist relic Phil Donahue is given a prime time talk show "to deal with injustice, hard solutions to the nation's problems, bold doings among ordinary people, and the plight of millions of Americans who get pushed around or shut out while they do the essential, grimy, everyday work that keeps the rich and famous sitting pretty on top." (Wasn't this a big FAIL when MSNBC did that for real?)
- The American people are convinced to follow the shining path of Marxism by the creation of a colorful mascot, a parrot called "Patriotic Polly" who squawks "Get up! Don't let America down!"
- The National Anthem is replaced with "This Land Is Your Land.""
- When the evil corporations push back against the collectivization of the economy, they are beaten back by the seductive wiles of... Yoko Ono. (No, I'm not kidding. Long says it's in the book.)
And so it goes on... and on... and on... like a Fidel Castro speech ... for 700 pages. I suggest you run out and buy a copy today, or wait until it hits the remainders bin at twenty-five cents a copy, or better yet, never. Does never work for you? Ralphie?
Posted by Gregory of Yardale at October 1, 2009 5:37 AM
Comments
Has he ever been relevant?
Posted by: AmericanToTheCore at October 1, 2009 6:11 AM
I spend my time reading technical manuals, the Bible, political blogs, the news, novels, and every copy of Popular Science that comes out. I LOVE to read. However, you would have to pay me roughly $250,000 for to read his book.
Posted by: Paul H at October 1, 2009 6:22 AM
Nader looks like he had a frontal lobotomy in that photo or he took massive doses of narcotics.
Posted by: Anonymous at October 1, 2009 6:30 AM
Actually it sounds like a riot. It reminds me of a P. J. O'Rourke account of a parlor game he used to play with his friends in DC. They picked up a few fifths of Scotch, pitched in and bought a copy of Jimmy Carter's memoirs, and took turns reading the book aloud to see who could find the most ridiculous passage. Needless to say, they almost ran out of Scotch before they passed out, dead drunk with laughter.
Posted by: starkness at October 1, 2009 6:45 AM
Ian Fleming used to write books about similar uber-wealthy leftist billionaires, who also had similar notions about fundamentally changing the world. These books are shorter, more popular, have happier endings, at least for everyone except the uber-wealthy leftist billionaires and their minions, and I understand that movies have been made from them.
Posted by: James McEnanly at October 1, 2009 6:54 AM
Ralph Nader is the buybody consumer advocate freak who tried to get the BIG MAC declaired a health hazard he looks like a aged old buzzard who should be six feet under
Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at October 1, 2009 7:17 AM
It sounds like the 'Spock with a beard' version of Atlas Shrugs, which was 1070 pages long, was more enjoyable,and used fictional characters.
Posted by: James McEnanly at October 1, 2009 7:19 AM
Ralph Nader is the buybody consumer advocate freak who tried to get the BIG MAC declaired a health hazard he looks like a aged old buzzard who should be six feet under.
I could use the company. Man, it's hot down here.
Posted by: Ted Kennedy at October 1, 2009 7:22 AM
OMG Ted - that's too funny. I can't stop laughing at your comment.
Man it's hot down here, ROTFLMAO.
Posted by: SurferChick at October 1, 2009 7:26 AM
700 pages, hmmmmm
I know!
1) doorstop
2) parking brick
3) leveling shim for my camper
you guys feel free to talk amongst yourselves and come up with additional uses
Posted by: chuck in st paul at October 1, 2009 7:37 AM
Paul, How about a substitute for the koran at Gitmo?
Posted by: Farmer Ted at October 1, 2009 7:40 AM
RE: Posted by: chuck in st paul at October 1, 2009 7:37 AM
Unlike Nader's waste of paper, the three things on Chuck's list are actually USEFUL......
Posted by: TonyD95B at October 1, 2009 7:53 AM
You could read it to terrorists as an advanced interrogation technique.
[Sound of a prisoner screaming in agony and muffled sound of someone reading from a Nader's book)
Interrogator: I'll stop reading it if you talk!
Terrorist: Okay, I'll talk, I'll talk, for the love of Allah stop!
I'm sure it would be very effective...until the UN made you stop, that is.
Posted by: Judith M. at October 1, 2009 11:58 AM
Isn't this dope worried about all the trees that were cut down to publish his stupid book? Hell, by the time their through selling them it could be...maybe 2, small trees, sapplings maybe.
I guess there's nothing to worry about.
Posted by: man of few words at October 1, 2009 12:42 PM
Corpse of Ted, good to hear from you! HAHAHA!
I remember when Pearl Jam was going to the mat for Nader. I've long since rejected them. Thanks to Rob Long for sparing us, I love that guy.
Posted by: Karin at October 1, 2009 12:52 PM
Sounds like Ralph Nader has written the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of left-wing novels.
Posted by: Evil Otto at October 1, 2009 1:14 PM
chuck in st. paul, a few more ideas:
1. Paperweight.
2. Booster seat.
3. Squishing bugs.
Posted by: Adam at October 2, 2009 7:31 AM
