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September 24, 2009
Environmentalist Wackos' Latest Target: Your Bum
Seems you can't even tidy yourself in a very personal way without enviro-dipsticks getting in between you and comfort. Don't you see: plush, multi-ply toilet paper is an environmental menace:
The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.
How to put this: a considerable amount of European travel this past year was not kind to our nether parts, dear reader. While some American TP manufacturers are taking steps to capitulate, it's not as simple as you might think. The issue boils down to the chemistry of cellulose fibers -- the longer the fiber, the softer the tissue. Old trees have longer fibers, while recycled paper contains mostly short ones.
The eco-buttheads push on:
"It's like the Hummer product for the paper industry," said Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist with the Natural Resources Defense Council. "We don't need old-growth forests . . . to wipe our behinds."
Might stories like this one actually bring about a spike in sales of the triple-layer comfy cozy variety, as shoppers hoard it for fear of shortages? Might that just increase demand, causing manufacturers to, in turn, increase supply?
What's the opposite of a boycott?
25 SEPT UPDATE: BURRRRNNNNNING HOT notes there is now Obama toilet paper, "crass for your @$$"
Posted by The MaryHunter at September 24, 2009 5:10 PM
Comments
Hey, it could be worse....at least they don't want to recycle toilet paper.....yet.
You think I'm kidding? Just wait.....some envirofascist whacko will think of it.
Posted by: TonyD95B at September 24, 2009 5:26 PM
What is this Leftist fascination with filth?
Posted by: TonyD95B at September 24, 2009 5:27 PM
How about dollars?
Posted by: Jay Guevara at September 24, 2009 5:28 PM
Have you ever used that European toilet paper? It's like wax paper for cripes sakes. The paper hand towels were better. The cloth hand towels were the best though.
Posted by: chuck in st paul at September 24, 2009 5:28 PM
I'm so sick of earnest leftist types with their sanctimonious preaching about every goddamned thing.
We get it: you think you're morally superior to everyone else. You're not, God knows, but you think you are. Child sex slavery is a complex, nuanced issue for you, but toilet paper is a moral crusade. Makes perfect sense.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at September 24, 2009 5:32 PM
chuck, I'm post-UK trip of 1.5 weeks ago and my hemorrhoids are still singing Yankee-Doodle Dandy.
Posted by: The MaryHunter at September 24, 2009 5:33 PM
"... Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist with the Natural Resources Defense Council. "We don't need old-growth forests . . . to wipe our behinds."
I am with cousin Hershkovitz on this one. Old growth forest are preposterously overrated.
Posted by: Hirsh Allenovitz at September 24, 2009 5:35 PM
Old trees that produce valuable lumber are not used to make paper. Envirofaggots lie about it all the time. Commercially grown farm trees are used. Eat shit and die Environazi molesters.
Posted by: grayjohn at September 24, 2009 5:37 PM
What's the opposite of a boycott?
A girlcott?
Posted by: joe at September 24, 2009 5:45 PM
I think that everyone here should take a shit on their representatives front door step in protest.
Posted by: Dave at September 24, 2009 5:56 PM
I used a five dollar bill once. Fortunately, the guy in the next stall had change for a twenty....
Posted by: LouieLouie at September 24, 2009 6:08 PM
Love the picture.
Posted by: Lao at September 24, 2009 7:05 PM
What's the opposite of a boycott?
A buycott. Like the one now going on for Whole Foods.
Posted by: J at September 24, 2009 7:18 PM
Lets see those eco-wackos wipe their tender little fannies with a pinecone of pine needles
Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at September 24, 2009 9:12 PM
OK, this story just rubs me the wrong way.
Posted by: Essaicheyetee-Bird at September 25, 2009 12:56 AM
What's the opposite of a boycott?
A girlcott?
Posted by: joe at September 24, 2009 5:45 PM
Budump tishhhh.
Posted by: funkendunkel at September 25, 2009 3:33 AM
Why didn't Hitler drink???
He was a mean drunk.
Posted by: funkendunkel at September 25, 2009 3:42 AM
I heard Mark Steyn filling in for Limbaugh on Thursday, and a guy called in from the former Soviet Union. He explained that they used Pravda and Izvestia pages for toilet paper. He said he preferred Izvestia, because it had one extra page, and was therefore similar to two-ply. He also commented that here in the states he wouldn't mind if he had to use a copy of Newsweek , saying the glossy pages would be like velvet in comparison.
So there's at least one reason to keep the newspapers in business...
Posted by: Murff at September 25, 2009 4:48 AM
Can I keep using three-ply if I only use one sheet at a time, as Sheryl Crow suggested? It's so much better than tree bark.
Posted by: bobdog at September 25, 2009 5:11 AM
They're just afraid some might get away they couldn't wallow in...actually I think it's how the left are conceived.
Posted by: TED at September 25, 2009 7:17 AM
Just drag it across the carpet like the dog.
One sheet, I'll bet her's lasts a long time.
The enviros are a sick bunch. If we make toilet paper outta all the old growth, then the next generation wont have nice wipe. Where will the fools go to cry and appologise to the trees for being consuming humans? Did they drive there?
Use a liberal to wipe my @@s.
Posted by: czuch at September 25, 2009 8:09 AM
Use a liberal to wipe my @@s.
Posted by: czuch at September 25, 2009 8:09 AM
I don't know about that. You may catch something, your ass will probably end up being dirtier than before you wiped, and the liberal may enjoy it.
Posted by: butlerj at September 25, 2009 11:18 AM
Sheryl Crow for TP Czar!
Posted by: Jay Guevara at September 25, 2009 11:51 AM
Enviromentalism is for idiots alone
Posted by: Flu-Bird at September 25, 2009 2:37 PM
Enviromentalists are like diapers full of crap and always on your butt
Posted by: Birdzilla at September 26, 2009 12:52 PM
