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August 7, 2009

Woman to Marry Roller Coaster

Once gay marriage has reduced the concept of holy matrimony to a joke, we'll be in for all sorts of laughs. Already, a woman plans to marry a roller coaster:

Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride.
This follows a "courtship" of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts.
Miss Wolfe, 33, from Pennsylvania, will change her surname to Weber after the manufacturer of the ride she travels 160 miles to visit 10 times per year, according to reports.
"I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we'll be together forever," she said. …
She claims to believe they share a fulfilling physical and spiritual relationship and does not get jealous when other people ride it.
Although she faces discrimination from employers, most of her family and friends have been supportive. "I'm not hurting anyone and I can't help it," she said. "It's a part of who I am."

Discrimination from employers? I don't recall being asked at any job interviews whether I have a sexual fetish for inanimate objects.

If objectum sexuality gains more acceptance, the First Harridan may be in for a divorce. How can she compete with Comrade Obama's true loves, his mirror and his teleprompter?

The blushing bride rides her groom.

On a tip from Priscilla. Hat tip: Cranmer.

Posted by Van Helsing at August 7, 2009 7:33 AM


Looking at that picture, I guess she's doing the best she can.

Posted by: single stack at August 7, 2009 7:48 AM

Me thinks that will be the only thing she is riding for a long time.

Posted by: Farmer Ted at August 7, 2009 7:49 AM


Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at August 7, 2009 7:54 AM

Marriage should be consensual, does the roller coaster have a say in this?

Posted by: Contrarian_Libertarian at August 7, 2009 8:06 AM

It's Pat!

Posted by: Smoke TNT at August 7, 2009 8:06 AM

She looks like a dude...

Posted by: Tex-Mex at August 7, 2009 8:34 AM

Hey, isn't that Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis? That is one handsome woman.

Posted by: nitrain at August 7, 2009 8:39 AM

How does she know it's a "him"?

Posted by: Henry at August 7, 2009 8:39 AM

So, she's a church organist. Can she play "Magic Carpet Ride?"

Posted by: Graycat at August 7, 2009 8:43 AM

The following questions are rhetorical, I really don't want to know the answer, but how does one "consummate" a marriage with a roller coaster?

And if they practice "safe sex", exactly how large and what shape would the condom be?

Posted by: proof at August 7, 2009 8:47 AM

I won't make any comments on her appearance, just that maybe she should find a new shrink.

Oh well, I can't help myself... they could have Photoshopped out the mooseknuckle, I don't want to see that.

Posted by: Seamus at August 7, 2009 9:02 AM

She can move back to Wisconsin now, since the uberliberal Governor, Diamond Jim Doyle and his Lib-Dem consorts in the legislature, passed a homosexual registry in the state budget. This comes about 2 years after the citizens of Wisconsin ratified an amendment to the state constitution prohibiting homosexual marriages, or anything looking like such a union, no matter what name you call it.

I guess liberals couldn't care less what a stupid outdated document (like a constitution) says. Their ideas, ideals and opinions are waaaaaay more important than simple, easy to understand rules. But then, " all depends on what the meaning of 'is' is."

Posted by: Duke at August 7, 2009 9:06 AM

This is really sad, but I guess she at least gets her "15 minutes", which is probably all she really cares about.

Posted by: Kathleen at August 7, 2009 9:13 AM

It's hard to tell if that camel toe I'm seeing in the photo is thigh blubber or genuine beef curtains. None the less, perhaps a GE Locomotive would have been a better choice.

Posted by: Hillman at August 7, 2009 9:39 AM

This relationship is gonna require a lot of lube.

Posted by: IOpian at August 7, 2009 9:48 AM

I guess that a roller coaster was all that she could get. Sad but true, if she managed to lose some weight and look a little more feminine she might get a human partner.

Posted by: Spartan24 at August 7, 2009 9:49 AM

At least she will not be passing this strange affliction on by having children.

Posted by: Bruce Pierce at August 7, 2009 11:24 AM

I'm sure she has to PAY for her rides, isn't there a prostitution law in that state??

Posted by: TED at August 7, 2009 11:30 AM

Poor Girl. This is too sad to mock.

Posted by: Yankee at August 7, 2009 11:40 AM

I wonder if her organ feels jilted?

Posted by: Anonymous at August 7, 2009 12:01 PM

Is the roller coaster entitled to the same rights as a partner? Healthcare? Life insurance beneficiary? Does she file jointly on her tax return? Married filing separate? Maybe this will open the way for O'Bummer to marry his teleprompter?

Posted by: Title of Liberty at August 7, 2009 12:06 PM

Epitome of pure intelligence. Where's the "Change" T-shirt?

Posted by: JoeShmoe at August 7, 2009 12:12 PM

Have you people no shame!! This woman is surely suffering from 8 years of BUSH and is calorically challenged,oh the humanity!! (sarcasm off) :)

Posted by: Farmer Ted at August 7, 2009 12:49 PM

Holy f'ing WHAT?!?

Posted by: Huh? at August 7, 2009 1:16 PM

Sooo when it comes time to maintenance (have class here)the coaster will she have to pony up a percentage? If someone gets hurt will she be sued? I dont care what she looks like, I'm not waking up next to her, I just wonder?
my .02

Posted by: czuch at August 7, 2009 1:42 PM

Wow, I really hope they close the park when she stops by for a conjugal visit. I'm sure anyone who witnesses that will need years and years of psychological counseling to get over the trauma. I wonder who the unfortunate soul is that has to hose the coaster down after she umm, takes it for a ride.

Posted by: butlerj at August 7, 2009 2:19 PM

"I wonder if her organ feels jilted?

Posted by: Anonymous at August 7, 2009 12:01 PM"

I'm guessing her "organ" probably feels more chafed and sore after a ride on the coaster. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Posted by: Anonymous at August 7, 2009 2:29 PM

Sorry, the above chafed and sore comment was mine.

Posted by: butherj at August 7, 2009 2:30 PM

Where are Andy, Anonypussy and Turd of Wellstone?

they're all bridesmaids at the wedding!

Posted by: Worst of Gallstone at August 7, 2009 3:22 PM

Can she claim a part or all of the admission? If not, can she sue for non-support?

You stupid Liberals have worked for this, whether you wanted it or not, with your "free love" and "don't be judgemental" crap.


Posted by: KHarn at August 7, 2009 3:53 PM

Huh? And she's still allowed to play the organ for church?

Posted by: Anonymous at August 7, 2009 8:08 PM

The Democratic controlled US Government has stated that the debates are over, and if you want to debate on merit, you are a Nazi Terriorist.

The new message is “If you vote for Cap and Trade or for Nationalized Health Care, you will be voted out at your next election!”

Posted by: Oiao at August 7, 2009 8:50 PM


Posted by: Flu-Bird at August 7, 2009 9:31 PM

yup, gays single handedly destroyed the institution of marriage. The fact that the divorce rate in America is 50%, that 50% of Americans admit to cheating on their spouse, and that we have competitions on television to marry a midget have NOTHING to do with it. Or that we can't go a week without a politician getting caught in a sex scandal.

I'm from the deep south, and I thought marriage was a joke before I even knew what gay people were, because though my parents were together, most of my friends weren't...and my PASTOR was on his third marriage.

Posted by: Anonymous at August 8, 2009 5:45 AM

What makes these people so wacky anyway is it possibly too much wacky weed?

Posted by: EON THE TERRIBLE at August 8, 2009 7:11 AM

At least she has something to ride.

Posted by: Dave at August 8, 2009 4:36 PM

thats fucking nasty she cant marry a ride she cant even fuck it what the fuck is she thinking dumb bitch

Posted by: des at August 9, 2009 9:24 AM

This article fails to include a few key details about this woman and her situation. She doesn't "claim to have objectum sexual," she does have it. It is a rare condition, but it still exists.

Over half of known OS sufferers have also been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which means they have difficulties forming relationships with other people. Amy, the woman from the article, also has Asperger syndrome.

I'm not saying this is normal whatsoever, but clearly this woman has a problem, and it's pretty ridiculous to induce that marriage to inanimate objects is going to become some sort of accepted practice.

Posted by: Prole at August 11, 2009 9:25 PM