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May 27, 2009
South Park Economics Applied to Closing Club Gitmo
Here's how Chairman Zero applied lessons learned from watching TV to closing Club Gitmo:
Sometimes it takes "South Park" to explain life's deeper mysteries. Like the logic of the Obama administration's policy proposals.
Consider the 1998 "Gnomes" episode — possibly surpassing Milton Friedman's "Free to Choose" as the classic defense of capitalism — in which the children of South Park, Colo., get a lesson in how not to run an enterprise from mysterious little men who go about stealing undergarments from the unsuspecting and collecting them in a huge underground storehouse.
What's the big idea? The gnomes explain:
"Phase One: Collect underpants.
"Phase Two: ?
"Phase Three: Profit."
Lest you think there's a step missing here, that's the whole point. ("What about Phase Two?" asks one of the kids. "Well," answers a gnome, "Phase Three is profits!") This more or less sums up Mr. Obama's speech last week on Guantanamo, in which the president explained how he intended to dispose of the remaining detainees after both houses of Congress voted overwhelmingly against bringing them to the U.S.
The president's plan can briefly be described as follows. Phase One: Order Guantanamo closed. Phase Two: ? Phase Three: Close Gitmo!
BHO has also applied this ingenious approach to Middle East peace:
Phase One: Talk to Iran, Syria, whoever. Phase Two: ? Phase Three: Peace!
It even works as a response to nuclear saber-rattling from communist dictators:
Phase One: Propose a "structure." …
The reason the Anointed One leaves out Phase Two becomes obvious if you look at his energy policy including all three of the phases needed to run our economy on windmills and switchgrass:
Phase One: Inaugurate the era of "green" energy. Phase Two: Overturn the first and second laws of thermodynamics. Phase Three: Carbon neutrality!
If only this approach worked. We could save America by initiating a plan like this — Phase One: Unmask Obama and the moonbats running Congress as malignant radicals. Phase Two: ? Phase Three: Get patriots and grownups back in the driver's seat before the country goes into irreversible decline.
On a tip from mandible claw.
Posted by Van Helsing at May 27, 2009 8:27 AM
Comments
Phase 1: Put the cramdown on investors and execs of struggling companies.
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit
Phase 1: Borrow or print trillions and waste it all on pork.
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Balanced budget
Posted by: forest at May 27, 2009 8:45 AM
Phase 1: elect an unqualified illegal alien
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: end of civilization as we know it, but profit for his supporters
Posted by: blue at May 27, 2009 9:46 AM
How about if we closed down the UN,evicted them all and had the building torn down and replaced with a theme park
Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at May 27, 2009 11:49 AM
>>"Phase One: Collect underpants.
"Phase Two: ?
"Phase Three: Profit.">>
This reminds me of Ken Begg's (Jabootu the bad movie dimention) review of a Superfriends cartoon. He described he Legion Of Doom's plan like this:
Step One: Create and army of intelligent gorillas.
Step Two: ???
Step Three: Rule the world!
Ken notes that it must be a helluva "step two"!
Posted by: KHarn at May 27, 2009 2:32 PM
Step one: Create asinine photoshop image
step two: ?
Step three: ?
Does anything come after step one for you guys?
Posted by: Anonymous at May 27, 2009 3:50 PM
Step one : Avoid the subject at hand and ejaculate yet another ad hominem arguement .
Step two : ?
Step Three : gloat smugly .
Please to step into the light commrade anon , so that I may verbally cleave you shoulder to breastbone . Your lack of a proper adversary has apparently instilled an unwarranted sense of superiority .
And ..on to the actual business at hand .
I would like to point out one glaring inaccuracy in that the Bush administration has already ammended the second law of thermodynamics . Only a fool would believe it could be overturned ( but there ARE millions that do so , or hope so ).
Congress found that the heat generated by burning cash could be used to offset that lost through inefficiencies thus making the production of ethanol cost effective . I have been working on my own wood gas generator that burns the cash directly IN the engine thereby increasing efficiency greatly .
The prototype runs on 100 dollar bills and each successive model will then use 50's , 20's and so forth . By the time I am down to burning dollar bills the Chinese will be knocking it off anyway and it will be time to move on to something else .
Posted by: Katya Kakhov at May 27, 2009 4:55 PM
Phase 2 is simple. Put them up against a wall and shoot them. They're unlawful enemy combatants fighting out of uniform. Bury them in pigskins. Do same to new captives. Close Gitmo. End of story. Let's move on to other things.
Posted by: Rick at May 27, 2009 8:08 PM
Step one: Create asinine photoshop image
step two: ?
Step three: ?
Does anything come after step one for you guys?
Posted by: Anonymous at May 27, 2009 3:50 PM
Step 1: Fail to read the article excerpted and linked in the post, or address the points it raises, fixating instead on the accompanying picture, misapply point of article to something with no relation to anything.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Wingnut's arguments refuted without having ever been addressed, let alone refuted with facts or evidence! Hurrah!
Posted by: mandible claw at May 28, 2009 2:48 AM
You're going to throw' ad hominem' my direction when we're talking about an opinion piece that is based on a South Park episode? Puh lease.
What do you think calling someone "comrade" amounts to? Its the definition.
Sense of superiority? I was just keeping it all on the same level.
Your prototype sounds like a war machine. Perhaps you can get funding when the next Bush takes office.
Posted by: Anonymous at May 28, 2009 2:13 PM
Actually it is a 1920's Fairbanks Morse 5-6-7 HP engine that runs on smoke . No way would I stuff money in the burner . (even someone else's money )Turning it into a Bush war machine would be qualify as one of the elusive adstrawmanem combos . If I had any chance at all on grabbing some grant money on a renewable energy device that runs on bullshit and money , now would definitely be the time to stick my hand out . Wouldnt it ? *
As far SP goes I thought it quite appropo as the plan all along was
Close Gitmo .... and
and .................
Appease the Kumbaya Party .........and
Posted by: Anonymous at May 30, 2009 3:19 PM
