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April 6, 2009
Gwyneth Paltrow Denounces Shampoo
Posted by Dave Blount at April 6, 2009 9:06 AM
Gwyneth Paltrow — the Tinseltown princess who announced she was boycotting her own country because "the British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans" — has announced that shampoo gives children cancer.
Avers the bubble-headed blonde and aspiring biochemist Paltrow:
A couple of years ago I was asked to give a quote for a book concerning environmental toxins and their effects on our children. While reading up on the subject, I was seized with fear about what the research said.
Foetuses, infants and toddlers are basically unable to metabolize toxins the way that adults are, and we are constantly filling our environments with chemicals that may or may not be safe.
The research is troubling; the incidence of diseases in children such as asthma, cancer and autism have shot up exponentially and many children we all know and love have been diagnosed with developmental issues like ADHD [Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder].
Evidently Paltrow has convinced herself that these evils can be inflicted by shampoo.
Scientists dismiss Paltrow's concerns as "loopy," but bureauweenies won't — unless Proctor & Gamble wants to pony up some extra generous donations to the Democrat Party.
Her concern for the health of fetuses is especially amusing, considering that she grotesquely chose Mother's Day to raise cash for the highly profitable, taxpayer-subsidized abortion mill Planned Parenthood.
Enjoy clean hair while it's still permitted.
