« Cincinnati Shows Tea Parties Are Growing | Main | Save the World: Embrace Scum »
March 16, 2009
Newspeak Dictionary Update
Comrades, revise your Newspeak dictionaries at once:
The European Parliament has banned the terms 'Miss' and 'Mrs' in case they offend female MEPs.
The politically correct rules also mean a ban on Continental titles, such as Madame and Mademoiselle, Frau and Fraulein and Senora and Senorita.
Guidance issued in a new 'Gender-Neutral Language' pamphlet instead orders politicians to address female members by their full name only.
Officials have also ordered that 'sportsmen' be called 'athletes', 'statesmen' be referred to as 'political leaders' and even that 'synthetic' or 'artificial' be used instead of 'man-made'.
The guidance lists banned terms for describing professions, including fireman, air hostess, headmaster, policeman, salesman, manageress, cinema usherette and male nurse.
To show that the EP isn't quite totalitarian, the terms "midwife," "waiter," and "waitress" will continue to be permitted for the time being.
Think of the trees that will be saved as our dictionaries become ever slimmer with each word that is erased from the language in the name of political correctness.
Other helpful EU directives include a requirement that all rubber boots be accompanied by a user's manual in 12 languages.
Posted by Van Helsing at March 16, 2009 8:56 AM
Comments
"Gender politics" is merely a late mutation of the Marxist-Leninist "class struggle", which aims to abolish individual freedom in the name of "equality". The Soviet Union and the Eastern European communist bloc likewise outlawed the various equivalents of Mr, Mrs and Miss, which were replaced by the equivalents of "comrade". In Romania, for example, it was an infraction, punishable by law, to address a person as Domnul, Doamna or Domnisoara, the obligatory form of address being Tovaras (m.) or Tovarasa (f.). In its pursuit of "equality", the EU is obviously going one step further, abolishing not only class but also the otherwise biologically incontrovertible fact of a person's gender. Of course, in places like Sweden, it is already dogmatic that a person's gender is a "social construct", and therefore children can be "educated" from an early age to "choose" whatever gender and "sexual orientation" they wish to be.
Posted by: Iordache Brînzovenescu at March 16, 2009 9:41 AM
How about "manure?" Are they going to ban that one too?
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 16, 2009 9:55 AM
Its all Double Plus Good !
Posted by: Winston Smith at March 16, 2009 10:09 AM
In English-speaking academia, the term "herstory" is already widely used, especially in "social studies", "gender studies", "LGBT studies" etc. courses. "History" is, as its first three letters quite blatantly give away, a "male construct", a means of perpetuating masculine discourses of power. I say this actually having met literature students who, without knowing a word of Greek, quite genuinely believe that the origin of "history" is "his story".
I have also heard that more enlightened feminists use "femstruation" rather than the oppressive "menstruation".
Posted by: Iordache Brînzovenescu at March 16, 2009 10:16 AM
This is great news. "Man-made global warming" is now "artificial global warming."
Posted by: bullwhacker at March 16, 2009 10:20 AM
Wait, so now 'naturally impregnated' women will have to refer to their children as synthetic, or artificial?
Posted by: Eric at March 16, 2009 10:20 AM
On the other hand it works perfectly for, DAMN ya beat me to it bullwhacker.
Posted by: Eric at March 16, 2009 10:22 AM
I consider being called "Miss" a compliment, because it means that people think I'm younger than I am!
Posted by: MST at March 16, 2009 11:08 AM
I consider being called "Miss" a compliment, because it means that people think I'm younger than I am!
That's just because you've been oppressed by the patriarchial power structure. /g
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 16, 2009 11:23 AM
The EUROWEENIE UNION and the PARLAMENT OF FOOLS makes it a crime to use the terms MRS or MISS becuase some monbat old hens might get offended JUST BE GLAD WE DONT LIVE IN THE EUROWEENIES UNION
Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at March 16, 2009 11:29 AM
Further indications that I'm going to end up on the first wave of cattle cars to the southwest. I am offended by "Ms." I'm single- never married, free of spawn and un-whorish. Miss, dammit, Miss!
Posted by: Anonymous at March 16, 2009 12:25 PM
Officials have also ordered that 'sportsmen' be called 'athletes', 'statesmen' be referred to as 'political leaders' and even that 'synthetic' or 'artificial' be used instead of 'man-made'.
Question 8. (5 marks)
The pyramids of Egypt are synthetic.
The pyramids of Egypt are artificial.
Which is correct?
Posted by: Jim at March 16, 2009 1:39 PM
The "Libbers" of the sixties introduced this nonsense to America in the late sixties, robbing future female generations of their identity.
>>...'statesmen' be referred to as 'political leaders'...>>
"STATESMAN: A dead politition. The world needs more statesmen."
Ambrose Bierce; 'The Devil's Dictonary'.
Posted by: KHarn at March 16, 2009 2:58 PM
Even CURLY,LARRY and MOE would be as rediculous as those palamentry jerks
Posted by: Flu-Bird at March 16, 2009 7:24 PM
Jim at March 16, 2009 1:39 PM
Trick question!
The pyramids of Egypt are anthropogenic constructs of the heteronormative patriarchy to further establish the oppressive and socially enforced worship of the male genital member.
Duh!
Posted by: Evil Monk at March 16, 2009 10:33 PM
Further indications that I'm going to end up on the first wave of cattle cars to the southwest. I am offended by "Ms." I'm single- never married, free of spawn and un-whorish. Miss, dammit, Miss!
Wow miss, you sound great, now if you are just not double-sized, I'll save you a seat on the train.
Posted by: Eric at March 17, 2009 6:08 AM
