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August 8, 2008
Exciting and Heroic Truths About Obama
Chuck Norris has accrued an impressive list of facts, but Obama's loyal comrades at The People's Cube want to see to it that the Obamessiah is not outdone.
[I]nstead of chasing cowardly facts and arguing old truths that are tarnished and tedious, we invent new, sparkling-clean truths that are exciting and heroic. The beauty of this approach is that when new truths become old and tarnished, they can be easily thrown under the bus and replaced with newer and better heroic truths, ensuring Obama's glorious march towards a higher metaphysical plane of unstoppable service to humankind.
Heroic Truths About Obama include:
• Every now and then, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.
• Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
• Every time Obama talks about change, a baby diaper becomes clean and a homeless person's cup fills up with nickels.
• Every time Obama talks about "hope," coma patients regain consciousness and chant "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
• When Obama rids the world of nuclear weapons, the red button in his office will control the thermostats in American homes.
• The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews' leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world.
• US Mail Service published Obama's resume on a new first class stamp.
• Obama used to spell his name as Ubama but changed it to avoid confusion with Usama bin Laden.
• When Obama fixes his gaze on the clouds, he is reading his next great line from the big teleprompter in the sky, which is unseen to ordinary humans.
• In Portland, Oregon, Obama fed a multitude of 75 thousand with five government subsidy forms and two rolls of red tape.
More at Best Obama Facts. On tips from Pam, V the K, and Burning Hot.
Posted by Van Helsing at August 8, 2008 8:24 AM
Comments
That was absolutely priceless! I am borrowing it even as I speak and sending it out in email to entertain my friends.
Posted by: AndyPandy at August 8, 2008 8:36 AM
I love The People's Cube. The "mascot" of the web site is a Rubik's cube with all six sides red. This way, everyone has "Guaranteed Equality of Results."
Posted by: Lyle at August 8, 2008 9:30 AM
When Obama dives into the pool, Obama doesn't get wet; the water gets Obama'd
Posted by: Mr Evilwrench at August 8, 2008 11:41 AM
"The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews' leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: elisa72 at August 9, 2008 10:00 AM
A NEW CHINA SYNDROME IS ON THE HORIZON
Give the devil its due: The People’s Republic of China put on one helluva show at the opening of the 2008 Summer Olympics: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080809/D92EDVD8J.html
There’s far too much to detail so the reader is directed to the above link as well as to this for spectacular photos: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1042925/China-lifts-curtain-20billion-Olympics-extravaganza.html, and this for the video, which also includes a more sobering video on the Russian invasion of the sovereign state of Georgia and other video reminders about the true nature of the Chicoms: http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=88624&feedType=VideoRSS&feedName=TopNews&rpc=23&videoChannel=1&sp=true
When the dust settles in Beijing, literally and figuratively, when the cars return to its streets, when the Chinese again rev up their pollution-spewing industries, when dissidents are (maybe) released from their prisons, the PRC will bask in its Olympic glories–for a day or so. Then it will resume its quest to become the preeminent nation on the planet, repress Tibet and all other dissidents, take aim at Taiwan, the ROC, and continue its “One child policy” of fostering millions of abortions.
Meanwhile, the United States continues its gradual decline into history’s waste bin.
Enjoy the Beijing Extravaganza for the next week or so until reality returns.
Posted by: Gene Lalor at August 9, 2008 2:58 PM
