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June 27, 2008

Airstrip One Bans Winning at Soccer

Moms love to send their tykes out to play soccer because it's so harmless. The kids run around on the grass kicking at a ball until they run out of gas without any danger of getting beaned with a baseball or bruising their knees on a basketball court. But not even soccer is safe enough for the Nanny Nazis running Airstrip One, because it leaves children at the mercy of the "pressure of winning." Consequently, competitive leagues have been banned:

Under-eight teams will be stopped from taking part in knockout tournaments where cups and medals can be won, and no results will be publicised for any matches.
Junior teams across Britain will have to adopt the new policy from the start of the 2008/9 season in September.
It means that managers will no longer be able to publish the under-eight league results, tables and cup competition score lines in the local paper, or pin them up on notice boards in the clubhouse.

One day these kids will grow up to apply liberal politics to sports, so that if one team scores three goals and the other scores one, the points are redistributed for a final score of 2-2. Interest in sports will curl up and die, and competitiveness will be behind us at last. People will get less exercise, but the State stands ready to keep everyone in shape with ever more stringent dietary restrictions.

On tips from mega and Panday.

Posted by Van Helsing at June 27, 2008 7:14 AM

Comments

But this is about creating an environment where the children can learn and develop their skills and enjoy the game without the pressure of having to get a result and being concerned with three points for winning, and the fact that someone has to win and someone has to lose.

Socialism at its best. "We are ALL equal in every way. No need to compete or try hard; no matter what you do it will never be better or worse than your neighbor's effort." But the people who make these asinine rules...well, they are more equal than you are.

Posted by: Pam at June 27, 2008 7:51 AM

i say we give the under eights bats to bash each other over the head with. Last kid alive wins. That'll teach 'em the importance of competition, and that the only thing that mattters is winning.

It'll also help weed out the weak ones and create the super strong master race we are looking for.

Posted by: Anonymous at June 27, 2008 7:51 AM

Whoa! Put the pins back in your hinges Anon.

I don't think keeping score and recognizing a winning team in soccer equates to the culling of children to craft a master race.

Posted by: forest at June 27, 2008 8:56 AM

TROLLS! Bringing you more entertainment than you can possibly stomach every single day! Coming to a conservative blog near you!

Posted by: Thulsa Doom at June 27, 2008 10:02 AM

One thing I'll say about children and competition: I have cycled 3 boys through all the sports, from little league, lacrosse, soccer, b-ball, etc. No matter what the scoring rules devised by the adults (and this type of crap happened in my neck of the woods also) THE KIDS ALWAYS KNEW WHO WON AND WHO LOST!!!!!!!!!! Same with banning toy guns- boys will use sticks and go "bang, you're dead"!!

Posted by: Codekeyguy at June 27, 2008 10:54 AM

No kidding 'anonymous' - go crawl back under your rock, freaking ignoramous.

The things that go on in the heads of liberals is truly astounding.

Posted by: Jimbo at June 27, 2008 10:56 AM

look, if we are gonna raise these tykes to go off to some A-rab land to fight terrorists, we've gotta raise to be tough´. None of this pussy liberal shit. They might as well start learning to kill at 8, so by th time they are draft age they already know what it's like. You see all hose soldiers coming back with post traumatic stress disorders? Pussies, joined the army and didn't think they'd actually have to kill anyone! Probablý didn't have a competitive sports program at their schools.

I think school sports programs povide the ideal oportunity to teach the kds about what it means ot be a winner, and to weed out th weak ones that wouldn't be able to kill anyone in the army anyway.

USA NUMBER 1 Might makes right!

Posted by: Anonymous at June 27, 2008 11:06 AM

Sorry to interrupt your psychosis there, Anonymous, but you might want to note that the article is about the UK, not the US, and that neither country has a draft.

You may now resume making a laughingstock of yourself.

Posted by: Plasmodium Pete at June 27, 2008 11:42 AM

Anon, can you point out this apparent missing link between winning in soccer and killing people? You haven't quite explained this to us.

I remember joining the park-n-rec sponsored soccer games when I was young. They never told us the score but we always knew who won.

Third point, the entire point of most games is to win. One of the fundamental laws of life is if you don't give up and work hard you can succeed.

Posted by: Eric at June 27, 2008 11:53 AM

Anon must have lost a lot of kickball games in his youth.

Posted by: Pam at June 27, 2008 11:54 AM

I'm thinking Anon got picked last for... well, everything.

Posted by: V the K at June 27, 2008 12:25 PM

With Liberals like anonymous, there is nothing but extreems. It's either touchy-feely nice-nice, or WORLD-WIDE BLOODBATH!

here's a compromise; all the kids should carry copies of this artical with them and when the whistle blows to start the game, they just sit down and do nothing. When asked why, they should pull out the artical and say "what's the point?".

Posted by: KHarn at June 27, 2008 12:39 PM

I seem to remember an episode of 2 1/2 Men, where Charlie is at one of Jake's soccer matches. There's an exchange that goes something like this...

Charlie: "Who's winning?"

SoccerMom: "Oh, we don't keep score..."

Charlie: "Hey kid, what's the score?"

Kid: "3 to 2."

Charlie (to soccer mom): "Guess you should've thought of that before you taught 'em how to count."

Posted by: hiram13pm at June 27, 2008 2:51 PM

While they are doing away with keeping score, why don't they get rid of the clock? And why even bother scheduling teams against each other? Why not let them spontaneously decide whom they wish to play against? But then that might lead to discrimination against certain teams.

They can play until some of the kids get tired and they can leave. If three kids from one team get tired and quit, then three from the other team have to quit playing. When everybody gets tired, they can just have a big group hug and go have organic, dairy-free ice cream.

Uh oh, I may have given them some ideas.

Sorry.

Posted by: on-the-rocks at June 27, 2008 5:18 PM

Maybe they should do away with sports entirely, and have the children perform plays in drag extolling the glories of socialist multiculturalism.

Posted by: V the K at June 27, 2008 6:12 PM

I'm trying to come up with a single game - any kind of game; board game, card game, computer game, physical game, word game... any game that someone plays without keeping score and/or attempting to "win".

I can't think of any.

And as Codekeyguy points out; the KIDS KNOW if they've won or lost.


Posted by: Jimbo at June 27, 2008 6:48 PM

This is the reason Americans play Baseball (a real game - just ask my teenage daughters) and euro's play soccer. Baseball has a high degree of accountability; you get a hit or strike out, catch the ball or drop it. Youth soccer has none of that except the goaltender. So lets not keep score
Avoiding accountability is a trademark of the Left. It comes from their condescending belief in the incapability of others... "You aren't capable, I will do everything I can to prevent you from being held accountable.
Conservatives see you as capable. No further action is required.

Start applying a Capable or Incapable filter to what you hear and read. You will see the Left always sees you or others as incapable.

Posted by: JohnMac at June 28, 2008 5:08 AM

The lunacy spreads to Ohio. Bad news, JohnMac, this time the nanny-state collectivists are targeting baseball.

Posted by: V the K at June 28, 2008 6:29 AM

I like JohnMac's "capable / incapable" filter idea. In today's world, Benjamin Franklin couldn't get hired as a grocery bagger because he only had two years of "formal" education.

Posted by: PabloD at June 28, 2008 8:51 AM

The Perfect Liberal Child --- feminized, confused, living in denial of reality, and demanding that society cater to it.

Posted by: V the K at June 28, 2008 12:43 PM