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March 10, 2008
In Favor of Extended Unemployment Benefits
Moonbat Franklin Schneider explains why unemployment benefits should be extended, as both Shrillary and the Obamatron recently voted to do (McAmnesty missed the vote):
When the federal economic stimulus package hit the news in January, my latest run on unemployment was just going dry, and the mere prospect of getting another job was enough to make my testicles retract into my body. When reports surfaced that a three- or six-month (!!) unemployment extension was going to be part of the package, it seemed like government was finally doing something for the little guy, instead of just the fat cats and whiny Christians. I spent the next two weeks Google News-ing "unemployment extension economic stimulus" every 10 minutes.
When the package including the extension failed by one vote, I was so fucking pissed at the United States government that if an al-Qaeda recruiter had pitched me at that moment, I'd be in the Afghanistan desert as we speak, screaming Arabic at the top of my lungs while bayoneting an Uncle Sam mannequin.
I've been on unemployment three times in the past six years. Each time was better than the last, and each time I stayed on until the last cent was exhausted. I didn't even try to get a job; it was a paid vacation.
Vestigial remnants of the work ethic that built this country horrify Schneider:
Given a choice between getting a check every week for doing nothing and getting a check every week for flushing 40 hours of the prime of their lives down the toilet, they chose the latter. I mean, what kind of self-hating, masochistic Protestant bullshit is that?
Not only do I feel no guilt whatsoever about sucking from the state's teat, I feel that I'm absolutely entitled to it. First of all, the employer that fired me pays for half of my unemployment, and fuck them.
According to Marxist reasoning, Schneider explains, he has a right to expropriate his former employers' money. He sneers at people who "irreversibly fucked up" their lives by having children — which are expensive little burdens that make it hard to live off unemployment — and whines about how hard it is to get fired when you're a minority (he's half Korean). Then he gives helpful tips on shoplifting and how to meet unemployment requirements by sending out resumes that guarantee no one will hire you.
Who knows, maybe this is supposed to be parody. Moonbattery has reached the point where it's impossible to tell.
Hat tip: Michelle Malkin, on a tip from V the K.
Posted by Van Helsing at March 10, 2008 7:31 AM
Comments
"Second of all, it’s really my money in the first place. See, your employer never pays you what you’re worth—there’s a surplus, some of which goes toward overhead and various other business costs, and the rest of which is kept as profit. (This is what Marx was referring to when he talked about “exploitation of the workers.”) A tiny fraction of this surplus—which, again, has been skimmed off of my labor—is put into a government-mandated account to go toward unemployment checks for fired workers. So yeah, it’s my money. Give it back."
Ah yes, Marx's Labour Theory Of Value. Which is, needless to say, economically illiterate as was pretty much everything Marx wrote. Not that that stops it being popular. Whenever you hear a politician saying "people need to give something back to society" (John Edwards liked that one, didn't he?) they're making the same fundamental error. There is nothing to "give back" because nothing was "taken" in the first place.
Broadly, it's the equivalent of saying that if my neighbour freely agrees to help me fix my garage roof in return for a nice meal and some beer, I've swindled him and he should now own the roof as well.
Posted by: Ian from the EUSSR at March 10, 2008 8:17 AM
It'll only be a parody when he's called out on it. "Oh, but I was just kidding, see..."
Posted by: Pam at March 10, 2008 8:59 AM
A least he's honest about being a worthless parasite, but I do doubt this statement:
"...the mere prospect of getting another job was enough to make my testicles retract into my body."
I have a hard time believing they ever dropped.
Posted by: forest at March 10, 2008 9:14 AM
"I’ve been on unemployment three times in the past six years. Each time was better than the last, and each time I stayed on until the last cent was exhausted. I didn’t even try to get a job; it was a paid vacation."
Sounds like fraud:
Claimant Fraud:
Failure to accurately report hours and earnings
Failure to be able and available for work
Failure to actively seek work
Posted by: forest at March 10, 2008 9:33 AM
at least fat cats and whiny christians are generally employed!
Posted by: nanc at March 10, 2008 10:00 AM
Ian, good point. My argument against the labor theory of value is to ask whether a pothole filled with a teaspoon is more valuable than one filled with a skiploader. Never got a good answer to that one.
My favorite bit of Marx is his assertion that under socialism, no one would have to do anything he didn't want to. Every morning each person would arise and decide what he'd like to do that day. Brain surgery? Why not? Wrestle with beautiful naked actresses in Hollywood, or put in a day at the sewage treatment plant? Tough calls.
You'd think even the dimmest leftist would realize how risible Marx's notions are, and how silly his analysis.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 10, 2008 10:27 AM
Wait a minute... under a Marxist regime, I can choose to wrestle with beautiful naked actresses any day I want? Anybody here know the words to "Bandera Rosa"? Where's my Che t-shirt?
Posted by: PabloD at March 10, 2008 10:55 AM
Nope, Pablo, only the commissars get to do that. It's the sewage treatment plant for the rest of us.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 10, 2008 11:15 AM
You'd think even the dimmest leftist would realize how risible Marx's notions are
You underestimate how dim leftists actually are.
Posted by: V the K at March 10, 2008 11:54 AM
"...and whines about how hard it is to get fired when you're a minority (he's half Korean)..."
Speaking of which, does this mean shirt laundress has never collected unemployment herself?
Makes you wonder what she did to feed herself after she got booted from that newspaper in Seattle, then.
Posted by: hashfanatic at March 10, 2008 12:37 PM
She became a syndicated columnist making big dollars. Damn hash you're really on the ball today. No pun intended.Well on second thought...
Posted by: Farmer Ted at March 10, 2008 1:12 PM
That's "our" hasfanatic, always quick with a RACIST remark!
Remember to wash your hands after the weekly cross-burning, hash.
Posted by: KHarn at March 10, 2008 1:56 PM
Who's the "shirt laundress" and why is she called that?
Posted by: forest at March 10, 2008 3:34 PM
Michelle Malkin, hash calls her that because she's asian, and he thinks it's funny to make fun of her minority status because she's a minority who isn't liberal.
Posted by: monsterforge at March 10, 2008 4:07 PM
Thanks monsterforge.
That's pretty lame - even for the troll.
Posted by: forest at March 10, 2008 4:38 PM
I simply cannot relate to these people. I was laid off from my job last September, with no notice and was grossly docked pay. I submitted over 125 resumes in two weeks and had a job that pays $500 more per week before unemployment could even send a check. How can these moonbats even look at themselves in the mirror?
Posted by: DarthT at March 11, 2008 4:31 AM
You don't know what the guy does for a living, though?
What if he's an auto worker or something, and there really isn't any other work anyone considers him qualified for?
Posted by: hashfanatic at March 11, 2008 5:08 AM
