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February 22, 2008

USA Today: Global Warming Will Lead to Giant Asian Snake Invasion

Still not scared of global warming? Let's try this: it could lead to giant pythons invading the USA!

As climate change warms the nation, giant Burmese pythons could colonize one-third of the USA, from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast, according to U.S. Geological Survey maps released Wednesday.

Gasps "zoologist and lead project researcher" Gordon Rodda:

They are moving northward, there's no question.

Pythons are strictly Old World snakes; in America we have boas. But liberated pets could breed in the wild, growing ever larger, perhaps undergoing strange mutations as a result of underregulated nuclear facilities…

Too bad USA Today didn't interview me for the interview. As a guy who kept pet pythons and boas for years, I could have calmed them down with the knowledge that Burmese pythons are very docile, and that they wouldn't last a day in the Southwest, relying as they do on water to support their weight and regulate their body temperature. Native rattlesnakes are infinitely more threatening.

Docile and beautiful, Burmese pythons make good pets.

On a tip from V the K.

Posted by Van Helsing at February 22, 2008 8:27 AM


I had a python, tried feeding it Moonbats, but it kept regurgitating them. He liked Rats much better.

Posted by: Thor's Hammer at February 22, 2008 8:41 AM

I knew there was a reason I liked this post. I kept snakes as pets when I was a kid, but 2 reason kept me from getting a python. Mom and money.
As far as the global warming is concerned, not only is global warming not happening, but it is getting colder and any python would freeze in all but the warmest places in the USA, which will soon be hard to find. Look at how cold Florida and California got this year.

Posted by: shunha7878 at February 22, 2008 8:43 AM

We could use some big snakes 'round here.

Posted by: Mockinbird at February 22, 2008 8:49 AM

'dem snakes are good eatin'

Posted by: dpt at February 22, 2008 8:58 AM

I wonder how long it will be until the Globalwarmingists start telling about "studies" which reveal that climate change will result in the widespread appearance of zombies, vampires, etc..

Posted by: Toa at February 22, 2008 9:49 AM

I always loved snakes, and had a watersnake. Then I found a milk snake but I felt bad for the live mice I was feeding it. But yeah snakes are awesome

Back to reality the problem we have here on LI are zebra mussels killing everything in the sound, and asian horned beetles killing all the pine trees. its wonderful to get all our imports from asia, right?

I once worked(for half a day)at a apartment building that house international students. One asian called because he found a dead rat in his bag of rice, but when someone came to take it away he asked when he was getting his rice back.

Posted by: wiz at February 22, 2008 10:17 AM

Has anyone sent this link to the guy who maintains the complete list of things caused by global warming?

Posted by: ent at February 22, 2008 10:27 AM

You think the giant snakes will eat the last of the baby polar bears?


Posted by: Jimbo at February 22, 2008 10:32 AM


That's quite a list! We are surely doomed. DOOMED!

Posted by: Jimbo at February 22, 2008 10:47 AM

3 words: SOLAR CYCLE 24

Considering this has been the coldest snowiest iciest winter I can remember in several years, it looks like we may soon need to begin worrying about finding enough energy to avoid freezing to death. That should take care of those nasty slant eyed snakes.

Posted by: Anonymous at February 22, 2008 11:19 AM

"We need to build a wall between us and the snakes!"

It worked for Samuel L. It can work for us. Just keeep the wall low enough to allow for illegal guest workers and, no problem.

(I removed all "MF"s. It just isn't the same.)

Posted by: OregonGuy at February 22, 2008 3:02 PM

I wonder how long it will be until the Globalwarmingists start telling about "studies" which reveal that climate change will result in the widespread appearance of zombies, vampires, etc.. - Toa

Glad to oblige, mate...

Posted by: BUUUUURRRRNING HOT at February 22, 2008 6:25 PM

I just love it.

Give up your SUV or get eaten by a giant python.

Surely, the reporter who wrote that story had a good laugh about it. He must have, right?

It is now the lead story on Yahoo

Posted by: mega at February 22, 2008 7:25 PM

Don't worry guys, the killer polar bears driven out by the Greenland ice will deal with those slitherers... *CHOMP*

Posted by: BUUUUURRRRNING HOT at February 22, 2008 9:15 PM

Buuurrrning Hot:

Thanks very much for the link, and a good horse-laugh!!!:D That site is now on my "Favorites"...

Posted by: Toa at February 23, 2008 7:08 AM

Hate to tell albore (actually, I don't!), but the Erf appears to be entering a cold-phase right now, having passed the peak of Sun Spots and solar activity around the year 2000, we're nearing the bottom of the dip in the 11-year (or 22-year, if you prefer) solar cycle. When the Sun is less active (and that's where we are at this moment in time), less heat reaches the Erf, and it (gradually, or sometimes not so gradually) starts to get COLDER!

That these ignoramuses bleating "Man-made Global Warming!" consistently fail to take the Sun into account (you know, that gigantic ball of fusing hydrogen, 93 million miles away, that makes all life on Erf possible?), and ignore it altogether, should tell you all you need to know about the authenticity of their beliefs.

Posted by: jc14 at February 23, 2008 7:32 PM