February 5, 2008
Rosie Reveals: W Killed Thousands and Gave Her a Staph Infection
Rosie O'Donnell, who normally writes on her blog in an incoherent form of free-verse doggerel, has tried her hand at prose. The results are not promising:
President Bush almost killed me.[…]
It was 2000, and the Republican National Convention was on television. The whole affair felt something like a home invasion, with a chronically smirking and arrogant George W. Bush as ringleader. Not wishing to be robbed of my optimism and hope at the time — or to tumble into depression and despair — I shut off the TV and decided to go fishing.
I needed gear, so I went to the store and bought a few things, including a knife, which I used to cut the price tags off of the fishing poles.
Now, I could have stabbed myself 100 times in the hand and not managed to do the damage I did with that one poke to the inside of my middle finger. I went all out, though, and got everything — skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves. Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.
That's my personal war story from the demoralizing Bush years, and probably a minor one, considering the 935 documented lies told by the Bush administration that thrust us into an unjust war, killing thousands of Iraqi civilians and nearly 4000 Americans. One near-death experience probably pales in comparison to the $9 trillion dollar debt heaped upon the collective back of America, or the gross war profiteering by corporate friends of Cheney and Bush, or even the $10 billion dollar third-quarter profit Exxon recently reported.
Still, it hurt like hell, and the scars and swelling are there as a reminder.
The moral of the diatribe is that electing Shrillary or Obambi would save the world. But the lesson learned is that Rosie ought to stick to her dyslexic poetry — or better still, to using morning television to shriek moonbattery at her fan base of glassy-eyed housewives who probably don't have the energy to read.
Hat tip: NewsBusters, on tips from Wiggins and Cheetah.
Posted by Van Helsing at February 5, 2008 8:27 PM
...or even the $10 billion dollar third-quarter profit Exxon recently reported.
And what was Grosie's gross profit last year off the backs of the stupid on which she preys? Think it was more than the average stockholder of Exxon?
Posted by: Jimbo at February 5, 2008 8:55 PM
Moonbat logic! Gotta love it. Ah, and yes, let's dishonor soldiers who have been wounded fighting for their country by comparing the little stab wound as a result of your own idiocy and ineptitude with a knife to the marks of war honorable veterans bear.
Posted by: Alex at February 5, 2008 9:03 PM
If you happen to see any Nigerian email scams, be careful not to say anything to anyone about it. Otherwise, you might lose your top level job at the State Department due to your racism.
Posted by: mega at February 5, 2008 9:10 PM
Some people don't even have the brains needed to cut tags off newly purchased merchandise.
Posted by: Kevin at February 5, 2008 9:37 PM
Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.Dang, so close...
Posted by: Robert D at February 5, 2008 10:59 PM
Bet she blames Bush for making her a lesbian, 'cos her perception of men was forever damaged by Bush's poor personality and ugly looks.
Posted by: BUUUUURRRRNING HOT at February 6, 2008 12:46 AM
Rosie is an employed loser - not even CNBC wants her around. Why did so many good decent productive people die on 9-11 yet empty skulls like Rosie still walk the Earth? Maybe if the next suicide bomber campaign in the US hits her where she lives she might wake up - on 2nd thought, probably not - she would probably make signs and cheer them on.
Posted by: Anonymous at February 6, 2008 5:47 AM
So, she blames Bush for her own clumsiness?
Man, these liberal freaks are looking for ANY excuse to blame Bush for something.
Posted by: Adam at February 6, 2008 6:09 AM
fan base of glassy-eyed housewives who probably don't have the energy to read.
That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
Posted by: Ed at February 6, 2008 8:29 AM
In an alternate reality, Rosie actually went fished, got snagged by a rusty hook, and had lockjaw for the rest of her life. Although she'd probably use one of those speaking machines that Steven Hawkings has.
Posted by: conservativeteen at February 6, 2008 9:18 AM
She bought a sharp knife to cut a tag off a fishing pole and cut herself? Instead of using scissors? Sounds like a desparate cry for attention.
Posted by: Bandit at February 6, 2008 9:44 AM
Actually it sounds like a dumbass that shouldn't play with sharp objects.
Posted by: Farmer Ted at February 6, 2008 10:46 AM
The moral of the story is:
"Moonbats can't be trusted with weapons!"
Posted by: KHarn at February 6, 2008 1:24 PM
yeah, but did you bleed like a stuck pig?
Posted by: nanc at February 6, 2008 9:23 PM