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February 8, 2008

Moonbats Infest Trees at UC-Santa Cruz

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Probably inspired by the hippies in Berkeley, moonbats have infested the trees at UC-Santa Cruz.

It's not easy living up there. "It's noisy," whines a progressive appropriately named "Owl," speaking from a tree in a parking lot that will be the site of a new Biomedical Sciences Building, unless the moonbats get their way.

Despite a demanding schedule, Owl has found time to make himself at home:

"I've been pretty busy," Owl said. "I lost a game of backgammon this morning."
Hand-cranked radios bring news. Owl has hooked up speakers to his iPod to play the Beatles.

Other tactics used in this campaign to prevent the cramped university from expanding have included graffiti, vandalism and false fire alarms. Reports biochemistry Professor Glenn Millhauser:

A piece of concrete was thrown through my lab's window. Human waste was spewed around one restroom. It was a huge mess.

The moonbats don't seem to be getting their message across. According to City Councilman Mike Rotkin:

The vast majority of people have no idea why they're in the trees.

Like other unhinged fanatics (Muslim terrorists, the KKK, etc.), they keep their faces covered, as if worried that if the authorities could discover their identities, they would be made to come down. But apparently the real reason they aren't hauled out of the trees is concern they could fall and get hurt. Rotkin suggests waiting them out — although this could take years.

My own suggestion:

chainsaw.jpg

On a tip from dpt.

Posted by Van Helsing at February 8, 2008 10:02 AM

Comments

I would use a Stihl instead of a Craftsman.

Posted by: baldeagle390 at February 8, 2008 10:18 AM

Just use CO2 powered pellet guns - they are GUNS and emit CO2. That would get them out the trees real fast - those suckers sting pretty bad.

Posted by: Anonymous at February 8, 2008 10:22 AM

I'll send Lou over with the Bagzooka

Posted by: Chief Wiggum at February 8, 2008 10:35 AM

Yep. Real simple. Each morning, come out and immediately cut down any tree with a smelly hippie in it. End of protest.

Posted by: mega at February 8, 2008 10:35 AM

How about some Slayer through loud speakers?

Posted by: forest at February 8, 2008 10:50 AM

A wicked earthquake would do the trick - something like an 7.0 would make it rain moonbats pretty quickly.

Posted by: Anonymous at February 8, 2008 10:51 AM

Anyone want to bet that if you surveyed the smelly, pennyless hippies up there that 90 to 100% of them are in favor of "Free Universal Health Care", while not being in favor of a a building dedicated to Biomedical Sciences?

Posted by: metalgarth at February 8, 2008 10:52 AM

flamethrower: would take care of the trees and the hippies.

Posted by: furballz at February 8, 2008 11:05 AM

If I lived around Santa Cruz, I would take a water gun full of yellow colored water, and spray them and then run off, letting them guess what it was I sprayed on them. But I don't live around Santa Cruz so will somebody do this for me? IF IT IS NOT ILLEGAL! I don't see how spraying a little water on them can be illegal if they sit in the trees in the rain, but it is not worth getting in trouble.

Posted by: shunha7878 at February 8, 2008 11:09 AM

Go ahead and squirt them with pee. After all, its ALL NATURAL !! And they are basically sending their own yellow rain down from the trees anyway. They probably stink to high heaven, so they probably wouldnt even notice the smell.

Posted by: Anonymous at February 8, 2008 11:34 AM

100 hungry beavers and Tim Burr can take of this problem.

Posted by: dpt at February 8, 2008 11:38 AM

How about them 'Fighting Banana Slugs', huh?

Posted by: Jimbo at February 8, 2008 11:49 AM

UC-Santa Cruz can agree that they will not construct any new building on the property, so long as the tree-dwelling Moonbats agree never to leave the trees, for so long as they shall live (or until they fall out and break their skulls). Let's see how long the tree-dwellers will actually remain . . .

Posted by: jc14 at February 8, 2008 11:50 AM

A urine squirt gun would be like spraying Channel #5 on those idiots.
El Naturale!

Posted by: Joe at February 8, 2008 12:26 PM

Hash,

Don't go quietly into the night...
or should I say closet.

Posted by: Joe at February 8, 2008 12:54 PM

I've seen pics of these morons. They're in the process of destroying the trees they're squatting in.
They don't just stay in them and never leave, either. They come and go, and people bring them supplies. I don't understand why the authorities don't arrest them coming and going, and arrest the people passing them supplies.

Posted by: steve at February 8, 2008 1:45 PM

I say hornets. Bring in some hornets nests, toss nests at trees. Enjoy.

Posted by: Kevin at February 8, 2008 2:21 PM

Haul in a truckload of black recluse spiders; set free at base of trees.

Stink bombs every morning.

Set up 20-30 Marshall Stacks surrounding the trees. Play Bush's 2002 State of the Union in an endless loop at 110 db until the smelly hippies leave.

Compile a collection of Ann Coulter FOX News videos; play in endless loop on giant screens facing the trees.

Put angry, starving hyenas on leashes directly under the trees; let smelly hippies stay in trees until they're about to fall out; remove animals for 10 minutes to allow evacuation; bring animals back.

Set up lab tables under trees; conduct animal experiments; agree to stop experiments as soon as the last smelly hippie leaves.

Bring in giant mirrors and position angles carefully on ground to burn smelly hippies out of trees with sunlight.

Conduct PsyOps campaign. Tell smelly hippies a SWAT team will be coming tomorrow at 5 pm to evict them. Then at 5pm, do nothing, then stop by at 5:30 and tell them one baby seal has just been slaughtered for each hippy in the trees. Then actually bring in the SWAT team, but have them break leave. The next day drop 500 pounds of seal meat looking food at base of trees.

Posted by: mega at February 8, 2008 3:31 PM

"Compile a collection of Ann Coulter FOX News videos; play in endless loop on giant screens facing the trees."

Throw in some Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson clips too.

Posted by: dpt at February 8, 2008 4:26 PM

Oh man, Hash has had to light up one BIIIIIIIG doobie to calm himself down after reading all these "hurtful" comments directed towards hippies.

Posted by: Doug at February 8, 2008 5:05 PM

I like the chainsaw idea, but that would be a bit messy don't you think? A rifle removes hippies much quicker.

Posted by: CharlieDontSurf at February 8, 2008 5:14 PM

I find it curious everyone refers to hash as a guy. If you look closely at the style and prose of her writing, you will see that hash is a woman.


Yes, hasfanatic is definitely female.

Posted by: Lyle at February 8, 2008 5:22 PM

Kevin is a genius.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at February 8, 2008 5:33 PM

As confused as it is, I thought Hash might be transgendered.

Posted by: steve at February 8, 2008 5:38 PM

Oh,
hashdouche is a lady, huh?

I'm sorry Hash, scrap the Smackdown idea. You can come over and watch Yentl. Its on to. You can go in the basement and watch it. You and "The Gimp" will get along nicely.

Posted by: Joe at February 8, 2008 6:10 PM

I read an awesome book by the creators of the "Protestwarrior" website, which describes the different varieties of ultra- liberal nutjobs and offers effective and creative ways to handle them or piss them off. On the chapter dealing with "Granolas" (Their term for dirty smelly eco- freak hippies), One suggestion they offer is that if any of them are tree- sitting near you, come up to the base of their tree with a boom box and use it to play recordings of chainsaw noises, heavy on the base. Bring along a real chainsaw, too, if you really want to make them crap their pants so they'll smell even worse.

Posted by: Adam at February 8, 2008 6:29 PM

Hash is not man or woman. Hash is...

Dipshit.

Posted by: Jimbo at February 8, 2008 8:06 PM

Glow sticks and lava lamps at night draw hippies like flies. Once they get close, you can wack 'em.

Posted by: TomH at February 8, 2008 8:39 PM

HA! ha! ha! TomH introduces a strategy that will work! Kinda like an interactive bug zapper only more real. :-)

This could be more popular than the hula-hoop. :-)

Posted by: Jimbo at February 8, 2008 8:51 PM

think of all that bat guano!

Posted by: nanc at February 8, 2008 10:18 PM

The petition

We, the undersigned condemn the Berkeley City Council’s treasonous attack on US Marine Recruiters stationed in their city. We ask that Congress cut off funds from any and all municipal entity within the confines of the city of Berkeley, California, until such time as the city council withdraws it’s action.

The City Council has voted to tell the Marines their downtown recruiting station is not welcome and “if recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome guests.”

The measure passed last week by a vote of 8-1.

The council also voted to explore enforcing a city anti-discrimination law, focusing on the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

In a separate item, the council voted, also 8-1, to give the Marxist protest group Code Pink a parking space in front of the recruiting office once a week for six months and a free sound permit for protesting once a week.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/cutoffberkeleynow

If you wish to, please share with your friends or e-mail to your address books.

Posted by: Fred at February 9, 2008 2:51 AM

I hear the boys over in Iraq and Afghanistan recently got themselves some new 40mm thermobaric grenades to play with. I think they'd be well-suited for this job.

Posted by: Targetpractice at February 9, 2008 3:13 AM

The petition

We, the undersigned condemn the Berkeley City Council’s treasonous attack on US Marine Recruiters stationed in their city. We ask that Congress cut off funds from any and all municipal entity within the confines of the city of Berkeley, California, until such time as the city council withdraws it’s action.

The City Council has voted to tell the Marines their downtown recruiting station is not welcome and “if recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome guests.”

The measure passed last week by a vote of 8-1.

The council also voted to explore enforcing a city anti-discrimination law, focusing on the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

In a separate item, the council voted, also 8-1, to give the Marxist protest group Code Pink a parking space in front of the recruiting office once a week for six months and a free sound permit for protesting once a week.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/cutoffberkeleynow

If you wish to, please share with your friends or e-mail to your address books.

Posted by: Fred at February 9, 2008 3:18 AM

I signed it, Fred. My comment was "Will they declare the city a 'no veteran zone' next?"

Posted by: KHarn at February 9, 2008 9:48 AM

Hash once told me he wanted me to go NYPD on his ass with a plunger.

But man, that would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Posted by: UCA at February 9, 2008 4:26 PM