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September 30, 2007

Bob Dougherty's Home Depot–Induced Diabetes Acts Up

As announced in a press release sent out by his lawyer, Bob Dougherty was rushed to a Boulder hospital in a diabetic coma last weekend. It's a relief to hear that he's now "doing okay."

According to a pending lawsuit, Dougherty's diabetes, as well as his nightmares, insomnia, and post-traumatic stress disorder, were caused by Home Depot. Dougherty was availing himself of the facilities in a Louisville store when he discovered that some prankster had glued his rear end to the toilet seat. Paramedics had to unbolt the toilet seat while it was still attached to his behind.

Home Depot is to blame for this, supposedly, because employees at first thought his pleas for help were a hoax. How this could have caused his diabetes is unclear. Where's John Edwards when you need him?

On a tip from Dave.

Posted by Van Helsing at September 30, 2007 4:26 PM