« ICE Manpower For Immigration Enforcement Cut | Main | Howard Administration Sticks Up For Western Values »
August 29, 2007
Suicide Chumps Get Special Phones on Tappan Zee Bridge
Taxpayers are now providing special telephones on the Tappan Zee bridge, which crosses the Hudson River above New York City, so that suicide chumps can call the Lifeline suicide prevention hot line and get the attention they crave. State troopers would be sent to the phones.
There's no walkway on the Tappan Zee; the headcases just stop their cars in the middle of traffic and climb over the side. Some of them jump; some of them just clamber up and wait for the police to rescue them, as traffic is forced to back up literally for miles.
As someone who commuted for years across the Tappan Zee, I have a better suggestion than the phones: anvils that the loonies can attached to their necks so that they will sink quickly, avoiding the traffic nightmares caused by rescue attempts.
On a tip from Nanc.
Posted by Van Helsing at August 29, 2007 11:21 AM
Comments
Well at least now I know part of what the toll for using the bridge is going toward! Thank goodness I've never been on the bridge when someone takes it into their head to end it all...
Posted by: Pam at August 29, 2007 11:57 AM
If you provide anvils then there's still those pesky cars blocking traffic. How about a couple of exits? Just turn right and fly, baby. Next stop, oblivion.
Posted by: Kevin at August 29, 2007 12:19 PM
don't like five out of four people have cell phones these days?
oops! my fractions are failing me today!
Posted by: nanc at August 29, 2007 1:28 PM
So that's what I am paying $4 tolls for???
BTW, the Tapp has been designated as one of the most unsafe bridges, in light of what happened in Minnesota.
Posted by: ToddonCapeCod at August 29, 2007 2:37 PM
Anvils are impractical because the bridge may be in such poor shape that the anvils might go right through the deck. A raised walkway of planks (like the Brooklyn Bridge) would work well. Anyone suicidal could then just launch themselves in front of a truck. Cleanup is faster than divers recovering a body. Lane blockage would be kept at a minimum as a tow truck would not be necessary.
chsw
Posted by: chsw at August 29, 2007 3:00 PM
25 suicides in a decade warrants this? That's 2.5 people per year. Hardly worth bilking the public out of a chunk of change.
Where can I sign up for a grant to "study" this phenom?
Posted by: fellowes at August 30, 2007 10:51 AM
