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August 18, 2007
Jonathan Lee Riches Follows in Breck Girl's Footprints
John Edwards has served as an inspiration to the pathologically greedy by financing a political career with money expropriated from doctors in absurd lawsuits that featured him publicly channeling the spirits of deformed children. Federal inmate Jonathan Lee Riches recently carried forth the Breck Girl's proud tradition by filing suit against Michael Vick for allegedly stealing his pit bulls and selling them on eBay to finance missile purchases from Iran. But that was only the beginning. Riches' latest suit makes even Silky Pony's avaricious exploits appear downright unimaginative by comparison.
The defendants in the suit are pumpkin-headed slugger Barry Bonds, MLB commissioner Bud Selig, and Henry Aaron's bat.
Selig has allegedly been providing steroids to Bonds, who has been using Aaron's bat. This corked bat features "secret chambers" in which Bonds stores the steroids. It turns out Bonds used this very bat to crack the Liberty Bell.
Other crimes by Bonds include bench-pressing Riches against his will and selling steroids to nuns.
In the name of justice, Riches is demanding "42,000,000 million dollars in Swiss Francs."
On a tip from Wiggins.
Posted by Van Helsing at August 18, 2007 4:24 PM
Comments
Riches has hair. The vacuum inside his head has sucked all of the hair through his scalp where it now occupies the space once occupied by his brain.
This guy sounds dangerous.
Posted by: joe-6-pack at August 18, 2007 4:47 PM
When is this damn Barry Bonds going to leave well enough alone, him with his punkin' headed antics.
Posted by: monsoon at August 18, 2007 5:07 PM
Why is this guy not in a room with soft walls?
Posted by: James F McEnanly at August 18, 2007 5:47 PM
The same guy has now sued LaBron James and MJ.
http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/tag/jonathan-lee-riches/
yojoe
Posted by: yojoe at August 18, 2007 6:22 PM
It's no more stoopid than a stoopid judge sueing an Asian launderer for $50 mil for a lost $30 pair of Sears pants.
Posted by: Jimbo at August 18, 2007 7:50 PM
Look into those eyes -- the lights are on, but there's nobody home.
Posted by: jc14 at August 20, 2007 8:58 AM
