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June 27, 2007
Starbursts Sued For Being Chewy
Starburst Fruit Chews aren't just chewy, they're dangerously chewy — or so claims Victoria McArthur of Romero, Michigan, who is suing Mars, Inc. for $25,000 for making candy so chewy that she sustained "permanent personal injuries."
According to her lawyer Brian Muawad, eating the candy caused her to develop "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction." I think that means "a sore jaw."
Not surprisingly, the shyster offered to negotiate a settlement. To their credit, the people at Mars told him to stick it, though no doubt the legal fees for this latest farce will cost tens of thousands.
On a tip from Wiggins.
Posted by Van Helsing at June 27, 2007 8:45 PM
Comments
She can't even make the "loser" sign properly. Maybe Darwin was wrong after all.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at June 27, 2007 9:48 PM
Idiot. Next she'll sue a beverage company for making her go to the bathroom.
Posted by: El Presidente at June 27, 2007 11:41 PM
Did I hear Dueling Banjos?
Posted by: Corona at June 28, 2007 4:11 AM
This is one of the most retarded lawsuits I have ever heard of. I think it even trumps the lost pants debacle that just got the boot in court! And VH, I laughed OUT LOUD when I saw the headline.
Posted by: Pam at June 28, 2007 5:51 AM
It's just another blonde joke! And she's a bleached blond!!! I feel sorry for her dry cleaner--he's next!!!
Ted
Posted by: Ted at June 28, 2007 6:54 AM
Stupid Bitch, Her teeth are probably so screwed up that she shouldn't be eating chewy stuff. A loser pays legal system would stop this nonsense. Eat shit you fat bitch for clogging up the legal system, raising prices on goods and services and making syster lawyers rich.
Posted by: Bryherb at June 28, 2007 7:07 AM
Maybe John Edwards would defend her pro bono. It's right up his alley, defending the disenfranchised and downtrodden poor who can't make a living any other way than by fleecing big business.
Posted by: ent at June 28, 2007 7:31 AM
Her face is causing me personal injury.
Posted by: ac1 at June 28, 2007 9:19 AM
Just another compelling reason to put the whole world into an asylum. Where do these idiots come from? Maybe her cousin is a lawyer or something, but good god, where does it stop?
Posted by: jev2000 at June 28, 2007 10:04 AM
PUT DOWN THE STARBURST YOU DUMB BEEEAWCH!
Posted by: nanc at June 28, 2007 11:28 AM
Damn, girl! If Starbursts are harming you, don't buy 'em any more. Try Jawbreakers, instead -- maybe you'll lose all of your teeth, your dentist will get rich fitting you for your new false teeth, and we'll all be rid of seeing you and hearing from you. Buh-Bye, now!
Posted by: jc14 at June 28, 2007 2:51 PM
I don't know, Jay -- she's a loser, no doubt, but it may be that she's showing us all where she's going to place the barrel of her Sig Sauer when she decides to blow her brains out.
You're a bit low, darlin', but as long as you aim a little more upwards, you'll be entirely successful. Good luck to you, and happy hunting!
Posted by: jc14 at June 28, 2007 6:29 PM
Loser pays is the way to go, of course, but you'll never see it. Why? Simple, really. Lawyers make the laws. They're not gonna shut the gravy train down for their "brothers in arms."
We're doomed. :(
Posted by: Whores at June 29, 2007 2:22 PM
