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May 24, 2007
A Peek at NYC's Near Future Under Mayor Mike
Posted by Dave Blount at May 24, 2007 8:27 AM
Maggie's Farm has a look at next year's New York Times, and sees where Mike Bloomberg has been taking the Big Apple with his endless barrage of intrusive nanny-state regulations. A new program called "A City That Really Cares" will ban the following for the sake of our safety:
- Women's heels over 2" high.
- Sunbathing.
- Asking employees to spend more than three hours a day at a computer, due to the risk of carpal tunnel syndrome and eye strain (Bloomberg employees exempted).
- Smoking in vehicles other than golf carts, limos, private jets, and helicopters.
These things are good, so they will be required:
- Warm scarves and wool hats when the temperature drops below 40°F.
- Sturdy rubbers when it rains, lined boots when it snows.
- Hats on sunny days.
- A serving of broccoli and carrots with every restaurant meal.
The initiative will be enforced by the NYPD's new 1,000-man Public Health Unit, which will have rights to enter people's homes to make sure they aren't smoking or eating trans fats.
Phase Two of the program will address other public health menaces, such as eggs, meat, cheese, and overly tight lingerie.
"Hmm… maybe we need a law against sharp beaks."
