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April 23, 2007
Sheryl Crow Campaigns Against Toilet Paper
The list of things liberal elite moonbats want us to go without in the name of the global warming hoax keeps growing. Bubble-brained pop star Cheryl Crow is now crusading against toilet paper.
Proving that there is no aspect of our personal lives libs don't feel entitled to control, Crow says we should use
one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.
If you see liberals feverishly scratching the seats of their pants, it could be an indication they're taking this directive seriously.
Crow just wrapped up a tour around the country on a biodiesel-powered bus with fellow moonbat Laurie David, with whom she has been preaching global warming gospel. Apparently intrinsic to this gospel is Crow's belief that forsaking toilet paper will improve the weather.
Being of the liberal persuasion, she naturally wants her bizarre dictates imposed by force:
I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.
Crow also disapproves of napkins. She wants them to be replaced with clothes that feature a detachable "dining sleeve." I'm not making this up.
Even Cheryl Crow can be humble:
Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.
As with many a moonbat, it is actually her mind itself that is in the earliest stages of development.
Hat tip: Kim & Her Friends Explain It All
Posted by Van Helsing at April 23, 2007 8:04 AM
In her mind worth investigating...
That pretty much sums up how seriously we should take her ideas.
Posted by: Pam at April 23, 2007 8:57 AM
Another reason to ALWAYS keep a dispenser of hand sanitizer close by!
Posted by: Sam Houston at April 23, 2007 9:07 AM
I imagine Chuck Berry has ideas about how to enforce Sheryl's ideas.
Posted by: metalgarth at April 23, 2007 9:36 AM
Posted by: nanc at April 23, 2007 9:51 AM
Makes perfect sense to me: don't wipe your rear end, save the planet!
Seriously, though, such descent into self-parody is an unmistakable sign that global warming has passed it sell-by date. Time to get the next doomsday craze up and throwing in the bullpen, because this one is going the way of Y2K.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at April 23, 2007 10:12 AM
Check it out:
While Crow is imploring us to use one square of TP for our bungholes in order to keep the planet from baking, she has no objections to having four carbon-spewing tour busses, three gas-guzzling tractor-trailers, and six cars for her own personal usage.
Looking at Gore, Silky Pony, and Crow (among countless other hypocrites), I wonder: What is it with these enviro-freaks that they want us to live a lifestyle that they themselves refuse to live?
Posted by: Crush Liberalism at April 23, 2007 10:13 AM
Hey Sheryl, you can keep the Earth clean or you can keep Uranus clean. Choose wisely.
Posted by: John at April 23, 2007 10:17 AM
Well - you know if they saved all those cobs from the corn they grow for bio-fuels...
Posted by: Jimbo at April 23, 2007 10:40 AM
That is pretty nuts. I can see campaigning for recycled paper, but this one square thing is just beyond bizarre. Crow must have some abnormally clean poos or something.
Posted by: ChenZhen at April 23, 2007 11:06 AM
Since we guys use the urinal most of the time and don't need toilet paper, we're ahead of the game! A few good shakes is all it takes.
In fact, I'm storing up enough recycling points so that when I NEED paper, I can use a whole roll!
Can you buy "TP Credits"? If you recycle enough newspaper, you can get extra sheets for wiping? And will those credits extend to other things? Like can get get enough credits to entitle you to burn down a forest?
Posted by: NudeGayWhalesForJesus at April 23, 2007 11:14 AM
>>>Crow must have some abnormally clean poos or something.
I hear her **** doesn't stink, too! (See ChenZhen? We CAN agree on something)
Posted by: KHarn at April 23, 2007 12:00 PM
I have only seen Sheryl perform once, on T.V.; couldn't even sit through 5 minutes. The network had to "bleep" out 20% of her lyrics, which I understand is typical. So it really figures that the first thing that pops into her mind for the betterment of the Earth has something to do with the groin area...fits right into the Smellywood Culture...
Posted by: Toa at April 23, 2007 1:02 PM
No wonder Lance Armstrong dumped her - she must have a really stink crotch. She probably bathes once a week like the French too.
Posted by: Anonymous at April 23, 2007 5:53 PM
Reckon we can expect recyclable tampons too.
Anytime you're ready Crow...
Posted by: fellowes at April 23, 2007 6:59 PM
In regards to global warming, why do people keep ignoring the bear in the bathroom? Until we get a handle on world population, no other environment-saving measures will be of any use.
Posted by: Stan Gibilisco at April 25, 2007 3:46 PM