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April 2, 2007

Relax: We've Passed the Tipping Point

Great news: according to Achim Steiner, who screeches and bleats on behalf of the politically driven UN Environment Program, "We've passed the tipping point" on the imaginary crisis known as global warming. This must mean that it's too late to save the planet anyway, so moonbats can stop screaming about their apocalyptic fantasies.

Unfortunately, the screaming continues nonetheless. The UN finds itself with no reason to moderate its hysterical rhetoric, since no matter what they say, liberals will believe them and conservatives will not. Consequently, the hyperbole has gone into algoresque overdrive.

According to the breathless Steiner, the fact that humans and our activities generate CO2 will cause "a potentially catastrophic set of developments," — which might include the melting of the Himalayan glaciers by the 2030s, starving Africans, heat waves, damaged coral, rising sea levels, drought, locust swarms, seas turning to blood, poisonous toads raining down from the skies, the dead rising to feed on the flesh of the living, and finally Al Gore's head exploding, opening a wormhole into a nightmare dimension that will swallow reality and doom our souls to everlasting hell.

On the bright side, the UN comes close to admitting that warmer weather would actually benefit agriculture.

al_gore.jpg
Look out: his head's just about to blow!

On a tip from Wiggins.

Posted by Van Helsing at April 2, 2007 8:13 PM

Comments

THERE WAS A TIPPING POINT?!?!?

Posted by: nanc at April 2, 2007 8:43 PM

Just saw the recent issue of TIME magazine and of course it has some article about saving the Earth from Global Warming. Somebody should have told TIME, its TOO LATE !! Wahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Were all gonna freaking die!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

LOL!

Has Mars reached its tipping point yet? Better crack down on them SUV driving Martians before Mars is lost!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070228-mars-warming.html

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at April 3, 2007 5:27 AM

Guys, it sure is beautiful here in East Tennessee these days! Trillions of little CO2-eating factories suddenly abound as the weather begins to warm (horrors!) -- and that's just in my yard. I can see quadrillions more from my deck, set high upon the hillside.

These little sons-of-a-gun just appeared one day, as if from out of nowhere, sucking up all that horrible "pollutant" (thank you, Supremes) and exhaling a real pollutant, life-giving though it may be. Where's algore now? Why isn't he screaming about the world-wide release of this noxious gas upon the poor, unsuspecting people of Earth? How can we possibly survive another year, much less another decade?

Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's destroy all these terrible CO2-eaters and oxygen-producers (and their support systems) right now, everywhere they exist on Earth! Now there's a project al-bore could sink his prodigious teeth into -- and I've even got the perfect slogan for his new campaign (might get him into the White House in '08!): TREES, WHO THE HELL NEEDS 'EM?

Go for it, Big Al!

Posted by: jc14 at April 3, 2007 7:53 AM

Its not just Mars!

Even the Plutonians are firing up their grills!
http://www.ashleysaunders.com/ashblog/archives/plutonians.jpg

http://www.livescience.com/environment/070312_solarsys_warming.html

"“Global warming on Neptune's moon Triton as well as Jupiter and Pluto, and now Mars has some [scientists] scratching their heads over what could possibly be in common with the warming of all these planets … Could there be something in common with all the planets in our solar system that might cause them all to warm at the same time?”"

Its all probably just coincidence, or is it an Inconvenient Truth?

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at April 3, 2007 7:54 AM

Guys, it sure is beautiful here in East Tennessee these days! Trillions of little CO2-eating factories suddenly abound as the weather begins to warm (horrors!) -- and that's just in my yard. I can see quadrillions more from my deck, set high upon the hillside.

These little sons-of-a-gun just appeared one day, as if from out of nowhere, sucking up all that horrible "pollutant" (thank you, Supremes) and exhaling a real pollutant, life-giving though it may be. Where's algore now? Why isn't he screaming about the world-wide release of this noxious gas upon the poor, unsuspecting people of Earth? How can we possibly survive another year, much less another decade?

Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's destroy all these terrible CO2-eaters and oxygen-producers (and their support systems) right now, everywhere they exist on Earth! Now there's a project al-bore could sink his prodigious teeth into -- and I've even got the perfect slogan for his new campaign (might get him into the White House in '08!): TREES, WHO THE HELL NEEDS 'EM?

Go for it, Big Al!

Posted by: jc14 at April 3, 2007 7:56 AM

Havent you read? Trees in temperate areas are contributors to Global Warming!

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2005/12/69914

"Forget planting trees to negate your SUV's contribution to global warming -- according to Stanford University atmospheric scientist Ken Caldeira, forests in the wrong location can actually make the Earth hotter.

Plants absorb large amounts of carbon dioxide during photosynthesis, so scientists and policy makers have long assumed new forest growth helps combat global warming. At an American Geophysical Union conference in San Francisco earlier this month, however, Caldeira rolled out a provocative new finding: Trees may be good at capturing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere, but their dark leaves are also very efficient at soaking up sunlight, which is later released as heat. At certain latitudes, the net effect of these two processes is warming, rather than cooling."


Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at April 3, 2007 8:42 AM

"which might include...starving Africans"

who would know?

Posted by: quacker at April 3, 2007 9:46 AM

You forgot "dogs and cats living together"....

Posted by: NudeGayWhalesForJesus at April 3, 2007 10:10 AM

"The UN finds itself with no reason to moderate its hysterical rhetoric, since no matter what they say, liberals will believe them and conservatives will not."

That's a very good statement, and it describes so many left wing fanatics today. All they have to do is say "Gulf of Tonkin" and liberals eat it up. They are willing to believe the most outlandish ideas, just because of an unbridled hatred of Bush, neocons, republicans, et al.

Yet they want us to take them seriously.

Posted by: NudeGayWhalesForJesus at April 3, 2007 10:13 AM

It's too late to save the planet? So there's no point in bothering with any of this neo-Puritanical crap? We're all doomed regardless?

Ah well. Party! Party! Party!

Posted by: Jay Guevara at April 3, 2007 10:42 AM

Gen. Ripper: I hadn't yet seen the story on trees being a huge contributor to "man-made" global warming (Trees are our fault?). Incredible (and I don't mean just incapable of being believed; more like beyond rational human comprehension would be the case) -- what will the Moonbats think of next (besides BBQ grilling)? Probably that rain causes global warming, so let's ban all precipitation.

I had no idea I was so perspicacious! Maybe al-bore really will jump on the "Let's cut down all the trees on the Earth" bandwagon! Love to see that (Joyce Kilmer is no doubt spinning 'round in his grave). Take an axe to the Treaty Oak in Texas, Al, and see how long you live.

Posted by: jc14 at April 3, 2007 8:36 PM