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February 28, 2007
UN Expanding Jurisdiction to Cover the Weather
The ineffectual yet supremely self-important United Nations has indulged in hubris before, but never like this: A UN panel of scientists proposes that this club for corrupt dictators and posturing bureauweenies expand its jurisdiction to cover the weather by setting a maximum allowable temperature.
If the UN really is to be put in charge of the weather, maybe it could improve Alaska's tourist industry by bringing the temperature up a couple dozen degrees. Citizens' morale might also be improved by shortening those long winter nights. Here in Phoenix, we could save a fortune on air conditioning if the UN would just set the maximum temperature around 80 or so. It's too rainy in Seattle — let's have the UN mandate a few more sunny days for the folks up there. Kansas would appreciate a ban on tornados. After all, Americans bankroll the UN, we might as well get something out of it for once.
To enforce the maximum allowable temperature decree, a "carbon tax" is proposed. Red Ken Livingston is hardly the only one to use the War on Weather as a cover to slip his hand into other people's pockets.
More loot could be acquired by making the tax retroactive. Then the UN could fleece descendants of Vikings and classical Romans, who lived in much warmer times than we do, and therefore must have been cranking out the CO2 at unconscionable rates.
Posted by Van Helsing at February 28, 2007 8:42 AM
Comments
"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
Posted by: Monsterforge at February 28, 2007 9:58 AM
They've come up with a plan to combat global warming. And then they unveil the plan and it's all....policy.
Nothing about how to do it, only policy. Agree on a number, the hottest the earth is allowed to get, and then start taxing greenhouse gas emmissions.
10 to 1 says the vast majority of the money raised by this tax will go to such left wing, U.N. style causes as "Black only conferences on how to combat global racism", "Funding for lesbian undocumented workers rights", "Understanding the plight of the spotted horseshoe frog in the forests of the Congo due to U.S. aggression", and "Freeing the developing world from the imperialist narcissism of the Bush administration".
Posted by: NudeGayWhalesForJesus at February 28, 2007 10:16 AM
You know, the whole thing seems like a plot from a cheesy movie.
In some secret meeting at the U.N., an aide hands over a report on a new plan for raising money. The administrator looks it over, then says "You know, it's just crazy enough to work! We convince those guilt ridden Americans that they're responsible for something bad all over the world...let's see, how about the weather? Then we convince them they have to pay money to everyone in the world in atonement for that sin...through us, of course. The liberal mindset of their leaders will pay billions rather than have us say something bad about them! Weak Americans!! Weak rich Americans!! Ha ha, your money will soon be ours!!"
And then Dirk Pitt, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, breaks in the door and guns them all down, giving some bland one-liner as the last one falls, such as "mind if I drop in?" or "please, remain as you are".
Posted by: NudeGayWhalesForJesus at February 28, 2007 10:26 AM
Yup...sounds like a plot line for Austin Powers, with Dr. Evil as Secretary General of the U.N.
Posted by: Pam at February 28, 2007 10:49 AM
i say one minute every week, we should all just hold our breath - exhale into a paper sack, pack the sack in a ziploc and bubble wrap and send it to the u.n. whereby they can turn it into renewable energy of some sort. the postage shouldn't be all that much...
Posted by: nanc at February 28, 2007 11:23 AM
What happens when the maximum allowable temperature is exceeded in the Third World, and restrained in the civilized world?
Will such a Zionist plot to use Amerikkka to conquer the world be exposed?
Only the paragons of science and virtue at the UN can save us.
Posted by: verist at March 1, 2007 10:28 PM
