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November 28, 2006
Haiti: A Progressive Paradise
There is a place where the progressive ideal has been attained — a tropical paradise only an hour and a half from Miami by jet. It's called Haiti.
As Nicholas Eberstadt reports, the scourge of childhood obesity has been solved in Haiti, as has the coarse materialism imposed by capitalist consumerism:
Children are everywhere, many of them painfully thin — some are clothed, some partially clothed, others not clothed at all; not a few bear the marks of illness, infections, or growths that have never been diagnosed or treated. The graying decayed remnants of a few kites entangled on telephone lines provide the only hint that any of these children has ever possessed or enjoyed a toy.
John Lennon boldly imagined a world with no possessions. At last we'll have one if only we'll allow Haiti to lead the way.
Globalization has hardly touched this pristine land. In 2005, total merchandise exports added up to only $55 per person. Everything imported through the port system is estimated to add up to a pound per person per day, despite Haiti being self-sufficient in nothing.
Pure skies prevail even in the city, most residents being too poor to own vehicles or even to burn garbage. You won't find many ecologically insensitive SUVs in Haiti, and rubbish is recycled assiduously, being the population's primary resource.
Unfortunately there is a slight sewage problem, which renders the air in Port-au-Prince almost unbreathable. But the natives display an admirable versatility by using the same clogged canals both for communal latrines and for washing cookware. Unlike many of our own public restrooms, these latrines are most likely free from discrimination based on sexual identity. Men, women, children, transsexuals, transvestites, hermaphrodites — one and all are invited to relieve themselves into the water supply in a fitting tribute to polysexual diversity.
Peaceniks will be particularly pleased to hear that Haiti maintains no standing army, and has submitted to UN jurisdiction. The state has almost completely withered away, in accordance with Karl Marx's prediction. There are only about 7,000 police officers, many of whom work only sporadically and are on the take from criminal elements, leaving the populace free from police oppression.
UN forces keep to restaurants and beaches, avoiding any sort of conflict that would put them up against their highly restrictive rules of engagement. With essentially no law and order, people at last are free to do whatever they want. This helps to check the growth of capitalism, since there is no use acquiring wealth that will only be stolen.
Moonbats dissatisfied with life in America are encouraged to stop threatening to move to Canada, and immigrate to Haiti, the progressive utopia, which has been maintained for a mere $8.3 billion in official development assistance since 1969.
With thanks to V the K.
Posted by Van Helsing at November 28, 2006 12:57 PM
Comments
Not to mention, Haiti is a product of France, making it even more moonbattilicious.
Posted by: V the K at November 28, 2006 1:33 PM
Very sad state for these poor children. Why do none of our moonbats here help them? Oh, that's right--moonbats don't believe in works of charity. They expect "Big Brother" to take care of everything.
Posted by: nikkolai at November 28, 2006 1:59 PM
Actually, as far as the moonbats are concerned the problem is that the American middle class and corporations are not being taxed heavily enough.
Posted by: metalgarth at November 28, 2006 2:26 PM
Moonbats' only concern is destroying whatever remains of Western Civilization. They have pretty much succeeded. Now that we have Will & Grace a hit show; gender-neutral bathrooms in our greatest city; men taking hormones to grow breasts; "gay pride" parades in every major city; etc. etc. The list could go on and on. It's hard for me to see much hope for the West. The nation our Founders left for us ceased long ago. Some traditionalists/constitutionalists consider the decision to elect Senators the beginning of the demise of the American Republic; it was really just the bell tolling for it.
Posted by: Chris at November 28, 2006 2:58 PM
It would seem that only Cuba rivals Haiti for its beauty, serenity, and abstinence from the Western scourge known as capitalism. It's certainly a wonder why more leftwingers who espouse these values don't move to either one of these utopias. It's certainly not the worry that their children might grow up looking as dirty and impoverished as those in the accompanying photo, as many moonbats don't consider procreation as desirable...
Posted by: Pam at November 28, 2006 3:52 PM
IN THE NAME OF JESUS. THESE KID WILL HAVE A FUTURE,ALONG WITH THE OTHER ONES THATS COMING. I HAD A VISION THAT GOD WILL FLOOD AWAY ALL THE WICK AND SAVE THE GOOD. THE VIOLENCE NEEDS TO STOP NOW!!!!!! THIS HURTING ME, TO SEE MY PEOPLE ARE KILL THERE OWN PEOPLE.
GOD SAVE HAITI!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: GOD IS GOOD at December 5, 2006 2:20 PM
