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September 29, 2006

Al Gore Reveals That Cigarettes Cause Global Warming

There was a time when Al Gore pandered to voters with boasts like this:

I've raised tobacco ... I've shredded it, spiked it,... and sold it.

If this is true, he owes his environmentalist friends a fortune in eco-indulgences, because now Gore has revealed that cigarette smoking is a "significant" contributor to his current hobbyhorse, the bane of mankind and all life on Earth, global warming.

The revelation was made to a receptive audience at United Nations headquarters, where Prince Albert spent nearly 3 hours lecturing bureaucrats on the perils of warm weather, on invitation from his old pal Kofi Annan.

Those in the audience lacking the initiative to sneak out of the auditorium learned not only that cigarette smoking is causing the planet to heat up, but that Greenland runs the risk of "splitting in two" — and that if that happens, parts of Manhattan, Shanghai, and Mumbai "will disappear."

It just gets scarier and scarier, doesn't it?

Albert-Gore.jpg
"But seriously folks..."

Posted by Van Helsing at September 29, 2006 7:17 AM

Comments

I just hope he lives long enough to witness the bursting of this global warming nonsense. Confirmation that your Moonbat cause is the bag of horseshit it is: Priceless.

Posted by: Winston Marlboro III at September 29, 2006 8:09 AM

I wonder if Algore is wearing the Carcinogenic Chicken Suit in that photo?

Posted by: Dickey Swollenz at September 29, 2006 8:25 AM

...parts of Manhattan, Shanghai, and Mumbai "will disappear."

OK. But you mentioned a problem?

Seriously, though, since Arctic ice floats on ocean, shouldn't its melting (which I don't think will happen, at least because of human activity) cause the seas to recede? High school science finally pays off!

Posted by: Jay Guevara at September 29, 2006 9:28 AM

The greenland icesheet sits on land, and it is big enough to raise the seas by some measly inches if it melts. But that would require it to melt completely, and this in an area where the summer temperatures rarely rise above -20 degrees. And where, incidentally, the ice has been growing for the last decade...

Yep, the greenland ice-sheet is getting thicker. Shouldn't the oceans be going down?

Posted by: Archonix at September 29, 2006 1:46 PM

Well now, what does that suggest for cigars? That said, the way some Democrats use them, there should in theory be insufficient friction to cause combustion resulting in those noxious greenhouse gases.

Posted by: The MaryHunter at September 29, 2006 2:18 PM

How come you ain't tying this in with that Shriver-pokin' governor of California signing some bogus pollution law into law about cars or someting because of Globil Warming? You all think it's nonsense this Global Warming, huh? I think Arnild Shwarrzenufggger is smarter than all of you! He is a governor you know! You are just pudd-pullin pundits. Bring back Jeff Gannon, the voice of reason!

Posted by: Bloodstomper at September 30, 2006 2:18 AM

Arnie is busy building an army of cyborgs in basement of the governors mansion - expect an announcement to build SKYNET; its just a smoke screen to hide his plans for world domination! I should laugh, it might be true. He just doing what political correct to prepare for the next election.

Bill OReilly - alleged right wing conservative according to liberals - is also on the Global Warming bandwagon as is Pat Robertson and many Evangelical ministers. Alot of people are getting sucked in by the hype.

www.junkscience.com has excellent material on how much warming there has been and the part the SUN plays in the 0.6 Celsius warming of the last 150 years.

Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at September 30, 2006 9:35 AM

The latest idea is that the sun is responsible for cool periods but not warming. THe LIA is accepted as real again after the hockeystick was finally smashed to little pieces, and since the evidence is indicating we're in for another cooling period the current spin is turning to "The sun will give us a repreive". Even with all the evidence right in front of their noses the greenies can't see what should be obvious: the sun drives our climate. If it causes cooling then it's logical it should cause warming too, but this doesn't fitr their view of the world. The warming has to be caused by us evil polluting humans... so now we have the rather odd spectacle of so-called scientists trying to claim that the sun makes things cooler.

I'm starting to wonder if this is how Alice felt.

Posted by: Archonix at September 30, 2006 10:20 AM

Archonix,

Thanks for your clarification. I seriously did wonder whether ice melting would raise or lower the sea level, and didn't know that the Greenland ice pack rested on land and that its melting would offset the Arctic one in its effect on sea level.

You're also dead on about the sun. I've marvelled at how Church of Environmentalism overlooks that teeny-weeny factor influencing climate.

The other one is water vapor, which grossly exceeds CO2 both in partial pressure in the atmosphere and in warming effect. So for Gaia's sake, stop leaving pots of water around uncovered, already!

Posted by: Jay Guevara at September 30, 2006 10:54 AM

I am waiting for him to say that baked beans and flatulence cause global warming

Posted by: Todd at September 30, 2006 2:12 PM

Gore looks like some old horror movie star in that picture. Bela Legosi, maybe?

Posted by: nikko at October 2, 2006 9:08 AM