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June 14, 2006

Time for the Gay Bomb

With a large offensive underway in Afghanistan and a big security crackdown being implemented in Iraq, it looks like we're getting serious about winning on these two fronts of the war on terror. Could this be the time to pull out the final stops and deploy the gay bomb?

The proposed gay bomb, which the U.S. military has investigated, would release a chemical agent that would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, resulting in a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale.

Another weapon that never quite made it off the drawing board was the "Who? Me?" bomb, which would make enemy fighters easily identifiable by causing them to be afflicted by "severe and lasting halitosis" or by excessive flatulence. The flatulence approach would have been good for some laughs, but it was abandoned because "people in many areas of the world do not find fecal odor offensive, since they smell it on a regular basis."

Other secret weapons draw their inspiration from horror movies. One would make the enemy hypersensitive to sunlight, a trait that makes vampires relatively easy to combat. "Sting me/attack me" weapons would cause swarms of enraged wasps or rats to attack our foes.

Unfortunately none of these weapons has actually been developed.

Hat tip: Wiggins

Posted by Van Helsing at June 14, 2006 9:33 AM