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May 9, 2006
Food Fascists Ban Ice Cream, Soda
British bureaucrats have declared open season on the ice-cream vans whose tinkling music is so pleasing to children's ears. A new bill threatens to prevent the vans from operating near schools.
The British climate is already hard enough on ice cream vendors. Local authorities have banned their vans from using pay-and-display parking spaces, and have set up "ice-cream–free" zones around major shopping streets. In some locations, ice cream vans are banned entirely.
Though this clampdown no doubt contributes to a feeling of triumphant satisfaction among sanctimonious bureauweenies, it probably won't affect children's health much. According to Catherine Collins, chief dietitian at St. George's Hospital in Tooting, south London:
A healthy diet can factor in a sugary treat such as an ice-cream. It is the frequency of that treat that is an issue. Most choices from an ice-cream van would provide fewer calories and fat compared to a free choice from a newsagent.
As John Barrowclough, who has been forced to sell one of his two ice cream trucks because of the crackdown, points out:
Of course no one wants to see fat kids, but most children have an ice-cream once a week, not every day.
Meanwhile Bill Clinton, nostalgic for his days as head of the American nanny state, joined the anti-snack crusade by strong-arming beverage distributors into halting almost all soda sales in elementary and middle schools. Here's Pepsi President and CEO Dawn Hudson conceding defeat as Slick Willie helps himself to an eyeful:
Hat tips: William, Wiggins, Caption This!
Posted by Van Helsing at May 9, 2006 7:37 AM
Comments
What was it? Ten? Fifteen? years ago the tobacco companies took out adds asserting that if the anti-smoking crusaders were allowed to change the rules of evidence (so that voluntary behavior known to be dangerous was grounds for a suit) the way that was being proposed, the next group they attacked would be the fatty foods industry?
Everybody laughed and the Health Fascists said they were suffering from delusions of persecution.
I have a better idea; make Parents responsible for their children (and keep the damn government out of it), and adults responsible for themselves. Re-legalize smoking, and legalize drugs, driving without a seatbelt, and living without a helmet. Then jail people who commit harmful acts under the influence of substances they voluntarily ingested, and tell people who took risks and lost 'tough'.
Yes, there will be horrible miscarriages of basic justice. People will let teenagers smoke dope, and become wasters. People will horribly disfigure themselves using power tools to do things nobody in their right mind would do. None of that will do society as a whole one tenth the damage being done buy these hordes of self-rightious swine.
Oh, and shoot Teddy Kennedy. Not because of anything specific he's done. Just because he's insufferable.
Posted by: C. S. P. Schofield at May 9, 2006 12:16 PM
Ive known for 50 years what they were planning to do to CHILDRENS ICECREAM!! Its an outrage! Commies hate icecream... because its an All-American treat.
"GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Mandrake?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Yes, Jack?
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Well, I can't say I have.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Are you beginning to understand?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Yes. (More laughter)
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Well, do you know what it is?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: No, no I don't know what it is, no.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. ICE CREAM, Mandrake, CHILDREN'S ICE CREAM.
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: Lord, Jack.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: You know when fluoridation first began?
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE: I-- no, no. I don't, Jack.
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works."
Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at May 9, 2006 12:17 PM
Bubba....what a "guy." lol
Posted by: mickey at May 9, 2006 5:12 PM
Thanks to Slick Willie, now we can replace all those nasty soda machines in elementary schools...with machines that dispense condoms.
Posted by: Barb Dwyer at May 10, 2006 6:29 AM
Notice you didn't mention who's standing there beside Billy. That's Governor Mike Huckabee (R-Ark).
He's an uber-conservative, former head honcho of the Arkansas Southern Baptist Convention, and a leading CONSERVATIVE contender for the GOP Presidential nomination in 2008. He's been on a crusade to get fatty, sugary foods out of schools to increase learning (sugar causes students to crash and not pay attention).
Just reminding everyone, this ain't a liberal/conservative issue. It's a health issue.
Posted by: Ronald Reagan at May 10, 2006 11:35 AM
Yeah, but the other guy isnt the one staring at the woman butt cheeks, Bubba is. After all, isnt that really the point?
Drug dealers will probably begin adding chocolate bars, soda and ice cream to their inventory the way things are going. "Psst... I got 6 genuine Hershey bars here... special price for 1st time customers"
Posted by: General Jack D. Ripper at May 10, 2006 3:35 PM
