February 24, 2005
German Men Cowed by Talking Toilets
Posted by Dave Blount at February 24, 2005 12:33 PM
It wasn't so long ago that Germans were admired throughout the world for their ruthless efficiency, their military prowess, and the majestic, awe-inspiring music of great composers like Beethoven and Wagner. People alive today can remember when Germans sought to dominate the world. Now, thanks to the acute moonbattery that has been ravaging their culture, they are reduced to taking demeaning orders from talking toilets.
There have been rumors that Hillary Clinton relieves herself while standing up. The opposite situation prevails among the emasculated men of Deutschland, who must sit down girl-style or face the wrath of porcelain nags.
Apparently the legendary German fondness for beer has resulted in too much ammo and too little aim. Tired of mopping up collateral damage, German women have availed themselves of a new battery-operated device that issues a stern warning whenever the toilet seat is lifted.
According to The Telegraph, 1.8 million of the devices have been sold in German supermarkets.
One version of the device features a voice imitating Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder that warns, "Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down."
The Telegraph observes that in German, the term for a guy who urinates sitting down is "Sitzpinkler" — which also means "wimp".
Offering a taste of what EU integration may hold in store for Britain, an English-speaking prototype for the UK market has been developed.