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January 29, 2005

Moore's Recovery from Fall on Face

Rumor has it that the obese ego of rock-thrower Michael Moore sustained serious injury when his anti-American video diatribe Fahrenheit 9/11 received no nominations for an Academy Award. The movie was unlikely to garner any awards on its merits, but Moore apparently assumed that the extreme left-wing politics he advocates would curry favor with the judges. Motivated either by this hope or by egomaniacal delusions, he even removed his propaganda piece from consideration as a "documentary" (although the requirement that documentaries be based on fact might also have had something to do with this). This cleared the way for the coveted Best Picture award. However, he was not nominated for any awards at all.

Moore's distress is good news for troubled donut-maker Krispy Kreme, which has recently experienced a sharp peak in sales. But it's heartbreaking to think of the anguish this noble patriot must be experiencing, especially coming on top of the Make my day, punk treatment he recently received from multiple Oscar nominee Clint Eastwood, and of course the results of the election that his grandiose self-opinion allowed him to believe he could affect.

In order to lift his spirits, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences should consider a new category, where Moore's film would be certain to garner at least a nomination. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Most imaginative historical fiction.
  2. Most profusely catered film.
  3. Most shameless attempt to manipulate emotions.
  4. Most supportive of the journalistic heritage established by Peter Arnette and Dan Rather.
  5. Most beloved among people who hate America.
  6. Most influential on the video art of Osama bin Laden.
  7. Most widely distributed by Hezbollah.
  8. Most likely to spawn a sequel produced by al-Jazeera.
  9. Most dispiriting to US troops.
  10. Most likely to inspire terrorist attacks.

He won't get an Oscar, but he still has Oscar Mayer.

Posted by Van Helsing at January 29, 2005 8:35 AM


Did Canada ever proceed to prosecution of MM for trying to affect their elections?

Posted by: Anna at January 29, 2005 12:20 PM

The last I heard on this, the moonbat mayor of Sarnia, Ontario claimed he could make Moore an honorary citizen of Canada in the unlikely event he is ever prosecuted for the law against foreigners interfering in elections.

Posted by: Van Helsing at January 29, 2005 1:13 PM