« Susan Sontag Goes to Her Reward | Main | Nazi Moonbats Invade Schoolyards »
January 1, 2005
Freegans: Like Vegans, But Crazier
Have you tried veganism and found it isn't wacky enough? Take the next step: become a freegan. Whereas vegans boycott anything produced from animal sources or that involves testing on animals, a freegan -- realizing that all products are steeped in the sins of capitalist oppression -- boycotts everything.
The site Freegan.info offers a wealth of information for escaped mental patients interested in joining this intriguing moonbat cult. Did you think you could eat a tofu hot dog and remain morally pure? Guess again:
While others look at a tofu hot dog and view it as "guilt-free" because it does not contain the flesh of animals, we recognize that a product is not made profitable from only one form of oppression.
In fact, all commerce is morally wrong, because by paying for something, you are participating in society, and a freegan will have "no part of this civilization other than to take part in its destruction."
In fact, even disposing of garbage is sinful, because that would be "merely another opportunity for profit through the garbage disposal business."
So what are we supposed to eat? And what to do when the trash piles up?
In the tradition of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" (except these people are on the level), the freegan solves both problems at once: Eat garbage!
When you run low on refuse, you'll have to go shopping for more. A freegan shops by "dumpster diving" -- that is, crawling into garbage with other vermin to scavenge. The site includes links to helpful tips on this practice. If you click past the lengthy sermonizing on the evils of any form of economic activity, you will find an ad for a 22-minute instructional video demonstrating how to rummage through trash (price: $20), as well as a link to "Art and Science of Dumpster Diving" -- a 152-page paperback that goes for $14.95.
But despite this minor lapse into capitalism, freegans are admirable for their dedication to moonbat morality: If you can't get a lawyer or bureaucrat to steal it for you, then dig it out of the trash -- just so long as you don't pay for it.
Posted by Van Helsing at January 1, 2005 12:09 PM
Comments
Wow. Some people just make you feel compelled to completely revise your paradigms about the limits of irrationality, idiocy, and lunacy. You have to admit, though, that's a halfway decent website for being constructed on a computer made of sculpted compost with an ant colony CPU, and uploaded via crystal energy.
In all seriousness, I'm pretty much vegan. I just have some organic cream in my morning coffee. If people want to know more about it, I tell them. But I don't bludgeon anyone with it. And capitalism is good. Very good.
You kind of hit the mother lode of moonbattery with this one, Van Helsing. Good show.
Posted by: patrickafir at January 1, 2005 7:25 PM
So... if someone is "lower" in this aspect than a vegan (I know.. my sister's one)... are they down on the food-chain to eating dirt and rocks?? LOL
Posted by: ThaSickness at January 1, 2005 8:02 PM
Oh, the humanity.
Posted by: TripleNeckSteel at January 2, 2005 1:21 AM
