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January 31, 2005

Pumpkinhead Ted Stumbles Across the Line

Posted by Dave Blount at 10:16 PM

As we celebrate the triumphant step toward democracy taken yesterday by the courageous voters of Iraq, a few individuals are left skulking like deformed trolls in the shadows, not sharing our joy. Not all of them are terrorists. Ted Kennedy is probably drinking something other than champagne tonight, as his openly seditious speech last Thursday has been proven to be even more thoroughly disconnected from reality than it appeared at the time.

In case you missed the pumpkin-headed leftist's depraved diatribe at The Johns Hopkins School of International Studies, and al-Jazeera isn't part of your cable package (I'm guessing al-Jazz is still giving the speech heavy play), I'll quickly summarize:

According to Kennedy, who depicted America "as occupier, not as liberator," Bush "broke" Iraq by freeing it from under the boot of a genocidal dictator. The US military presence in Iraq is "part of the problem, not part of the solution." Kennedy charged "high officials in the Administration" with approving the use of torture. Echoing rhetoric you might expect to hear in an al-Qaeda recruiting video, he dismissed the Iraqi interim government as an American puppet regime, and cast doubt on the validity of the elections, which he accused Bush of forcing on Iraqis against their will. Building a modern infrastructure for Iraq, a monumental task that has been severely hampered by terrorism, is being deliberately delayed by the US in order to debilitate Iraq, according to the Senator's wise analysis. He seconded the terrorist demand for American withdrawal, announcing that Bush "should disavow the permanence of our so-called 'enduring' military bases in Iraq," so that there should be no strategic benefit whatsoever in the war on terror for our having fought there.

Eliminating any doubt as to who would benefit if the US Government were insane enough to take his advice, Kennedy called for participation in the Iraqi Government by the Baathist thugs who have gone from torturing civilians under Saddam to blowing them up with car bombs on a daily basis.

"Iraqi forces are far from being capable, committed, and effective," Kennedy declared supportively. "In too many cases, they cannot even defend themselves, and have fled at the first sign of battle."

Yet he feels that these forces should be left to defend the country from a well-organized and well-financed terrorist insurrection. There can be no doubt — not even in Kennedy's addled mind — who would end up running the country if we were to betray the people of Iraq by pulling out prematurely.

September 11, 2001 gave most of us a clear idea of what kind of people these are that Kennedy wants left in charge. Another clue to their nature can be found in the news of Sunday's election. Although the Baathists and al-Qaeda were not able to cause as much mayhem and senseless death as they must have hoped, there was a price paid in blood for the heroism of Iraq's voters. At least 44 people were killed, including a child with Down syndrome who was sent out as a suicide bomber.

It's true that Ted Kennedy has not been dealing from a full deck for some time. But even if decades of decadence have reduced his brain to something like a pickled cauliflower, if he is still able to dress himself, he is able to realize that his demands would lead to Iraq being taken over by the sort of people who would send a mentally handicapped child out to explode in the hopes he would take with him a few innocent people whose only crime was standing up to tyranny by voting.

If he still has enough brain cells left to keep from drooling on himself during speeches, he knows that allowing Iraq to collapse into a terrorist hellhole will defeat the entire purpose of the war, so that the noble American troops who lost their lives in this struggle will have died for nothing.

If he is sentient enough to keep from wetting himself, he understands that the regime that would take power would be distinguishable from the Taliban/al-Qaeda regime that killed 3000 Americans on 9/11 only by the vast oil resources they would be able to devote to acquiring weapons of mass destruction and to spreading terror worldwide.

He wouldn't even have to be sober to look ahead a few years to when such a regime would acquire nuclear weapons. Imagine a country the size of California, sitting on a sea of black gold, and run by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Given the existence of nuclear-enabled outlaw regimes like Kim Jong-Il's, how long would it take for such a country to replace New York City and its millions of citizens with a smoking radioactive hole in the ground?

Kennedy doesn't just want to plunge Iraq back into hell. He wants to plunge the world into hell. The line between passively not supporting your own country and actively supporting its enemies can be a fine one, but Ted Kennedy has clearly crossed it. The line between extreme foolishness and actual evil can be a fine line too. Kennedy appears to have crossed that one also.

Update

Check out the Ted Kennedy roundup at TMH's Bacon Bits.

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Senator Pumpkinhead



Teutonic Moonbattery Takes a Swing Toward the Sleazy Side

Posted by Dave Blount at 12:54 PM

Germany is providing a valuable service to the civilized world as a canary in the coalmine of moonbattery. Hat tip to Tomfoolery of the Highest Order for bringing to light a cautionary tale illustrating the sort of degradation you can expect once you turn over responsibility for your life to a left-wing government. An unemployed IT professional in Berlin has been given a choice of taking a job as a prostitute or losing her unemployment benefits. Rumors that little boys will be kicked out of orphanages if they don't agree to rent themselves out to the German chapter of NAMBLA could not be confirmed.



January 30, 2005

Moonbats Rewrite the History of September 11

Posted by Dave Blount at 5:40 PM

Two basic tenets of moonbattery are 1) a victim is always right; and 2) America is always wrong.

Fortunately the superiority of the American way of doing things usually prevents these tenets from contradicting each other. A victim is someone who comes out on the bottom, and America tends to come out on top. But an exception occurred on 9/11, when, to the delight of some, America was the victim.

Cornered by this incongruity, some moonbats responded by shrinking like turtles into their shells. Others could be heard stridently opinionating on topics such as the weather, or asking again and again like schizophrenic owls, "Retaliate against who?" — apparently in hopes that we could all agree to pretend that 9/11 was not an act of war but some freak accident, or at worse, overblown vandalism.

If moonbats were going to defend their ideology against reality in the long term after 9/11, they needed a more effective strategy. Enterprising ideologues have risen to the call. The solution was as simple as it was outrageous and absurd: blame America for 9/11!

This had to go beyond the "America asked for it" meme promoted by leftist luminaries like Susan Sontag and Noam Chomsky. To avoid the foundations of moonbattery becoming eroded, it needed to be shown that America wasn't the victim, but the aggressor on September 11, 2001.

Key to accomplishing this were undermining the public's understanding of what happened on that terrible day, and generating an aura of suspicion — as on this website devoted to casting doubt on the official version of what brought down United Flight 93 (the one on which Todd Beamer shouted "Let's roll!" and led a charge to overpower the hijackers), which leads off with the question, "How much did Bush really know in advance?"

The site of conspiracy hounds Center for Cooperative Research is host to an article that displays the tendency of paranoid schizophrenics to zero in on picayune and irrelevant details so relentlessly that a casual listener will be tempted to agree with them just to get them to shut up. Going on at sadistically tedious length, it describes the shock and confusion that inevitably followed within the first few minutes of the attacks on the World Trade Center, inviting credulous readers to swallow the insinuation that Bush's failure to indulge in hysteria when he first received news of the attacks is evidence of some vague but highly sinister plot. The evasive action taken by Air Force One on the morning of September 11 is also portrayed as suspicious — especially in light of specific threats made against the President's plane that morning turning out to be false alarms. The failure of security procedures on the morning of 9/11 to conform to the author's Monday morning quarterback expectations "clearly goes beyond mere incompetence." Apparently the media were in on it, whatever "it" is. The whole piece begs the question, What possible action could Bush or anyone else in the government have taken on 9/11 that would not be considered suspicious by moonbats, other than defecting to the Democratic Party?

9-11 Research describes itself as "an ongoing effort to discover the truth about the attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C. on September 11th, 2001." Their site includes a link to a highly creative retelling of the story of American Airlines Flight 77. As it turns out, this plane did not crash into the Pentagon as widely believed, but actually never existed. Former United States Solicitor General Ted Olson will have his heart broken all over again to learn that his beloved wife Barbara (who called him from Flight 77 as it was careening toward the Pentagon) was a figment of his imagination. The book on my shelf with her name on the spine (Hell to Pay) apparently made its way into bookstores by some quirk of quantum physics that allowed it to cross over from an alternate reality.

But wait, you might say. If Flight 77 never existed, what about that big hole in the Pentagon?

9-11 Research has this questioned covered. Sophisticated readers will have seen Warner Brothers cartoons where Daffy Duck crashes through a wall and leaves a hole in the exact outline of his body as he broke through, limbs hilariously contorted. Why did this not happen with the jetliner that exploded against the Pentagon? There are no pictures of a Boeing 757-shaped hole in the front of the building. Consequently, there was no Flight 77.

For hard-core skeptics unconvinced by that argument, there is also a photograph of debris found at the Pentagon that had an "angular nature" — thus proving that no airliner crashed into the building. I would explain this line of reasoning further, but I think I would need a few tabs of LSD to be able to follow it.

Helping to clarify what sort of people would want you to believe this stuff, the 9-11 Research site includes links to a variety of other specimens of moonbattery, not all of which have anything to do with 9/11, including a World Socialist Web Site piece on Enron, and a variety of anti-Semitic sites that blame the Jews for 9/11, question whether Israel is a democracy, accuse the Mossad of trying to blow up Mexico's Congress, ad nauseam.

Unsurprisingly, a site from France, the cradle of moonbattery, is given credit for having "started it all" regarding demented Flight 77 conspiracies. France, of course, is the enlightened land where L'Effroyable Imposture by Thierry Meyssan — a book claiming that 9/11 was a hoax, the World Trade Center and Pentagon were blown up by the U.S. Government, and Osama bin Laden is an American agent — was a #1 "nonfiction" bestseller.

Public Action, Inc. connects all the dots and tells the full story of 9/11 here. As you might have guessed, 9/11 was caused not by Islamic terrorists, but was actually an elaborate conspiracy orchestrated by the US Government.

The first airliner to hit the World Trade Center was actually a small remote-controlled commuter jet filled with explosives. The second one was a remote-controlled passenger jet with no passengers, disguised to look like a United Airlines airliner. Another remote-controlled commuter jet filled with explosives hit the Pentagon. Flight 93 was either shot down or bombed over Pennsylvania — Todd Beamer and his fellow passengers being murdered by the US Military for undisclosed reasons. Proving that moonbats simply have no concept of respect, the author ridicules the heroes on this flight, sneering of their decision to confront the hijackers:

Heroic, wasn't it? And not a dry hanky in the house. The heroes of modern America. A high school basketball star, a college rugby player, a forest ranger, a woman police officer ...

A better man than me would say that we should hate the moonbattery but love the moonbat. Some of them make the second part really, really hard.

What possible motive could the United States have for attacking itself on 9/11? If the sheer evil inherent in being American wasn't reason enough, there were concrete objectives, namely to "blot out one of the world's great religions, legitimize military rule in the United States, redistribute the world's oil resources, and change the entire power structure of planet Earth."

If only James Bond had been there to throw a wrench in this sinister machination. But of course, being a white guy and working for our ally, 007 was probably in on it.

Special thanks to The MaryHunter for providing leads.



January 29, 2005

Moore's Recovery from Fall on Face

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:35 AM

Rumor has it that the obese ego of rock-thrower Michael Moore sustained serious injury when his anti-American video diatribe Fahrenheit 9/11 received no nominations for an Academy Award. The movie was unlikely to garner any awards on its merits, but Moore apparently assumed that the extreme left-wing politics he advocates would curry favor with the judges. Motivated either by this hope or by egomaniacal delusions, he even removed his propaganda piece from consideration as a "documentary" (although the requirement that documentaries be based on fact might also have had something to do with this). This cleared the way for the coveted Best Picture award. However, he was not nominated for any awards at all.

Moore's distress is good news for troubled donut-maker Krispy Kreme, which has recently experienced a sharp peak in sales. But it's heartbreaking to think of the anguish this noble patriot must be experiencing, especially coming on top of the Make my day, punk treatment he recently received from multiple Oscar nominee Clint Eastwood, and of course the results of the election that his grandiose self-opinion allowed him to believe he could affect.

In order to lift his spirits, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences should consider a new category, where Moore's film would be certain to garner at least a nomination. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Most imaginative historical fiction.
  2. Most profusely catered film.
  3. Most shameless attempt to manipulate emotions.
  4. Most supportive of the journalistic heritage established by Peter Arnette and Dan Rather.
  5. Most beloved among people who hate America.
  6. Most influential on the video art of Osama bin Laden.
  7. Most widely distributed by Hezbollah.
  8. Most likely to spawn a sequel produced by al-Jazeera.
  9. Most dispiriting to US troops.
  10. Most likely to inspire terrorist attacks.

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He won't get an Oscar, but he still has Oscar Mayer.



January 28, 2005

Another Endorsement for Dean

Posted by Dave Blount at 12:40 PM

The Dean for Democratic National Committee Chairman juggernaut reported on yesterday continues to gather momentum with another high-profile endorsement.

It was thought that Norwegian painter Edvard Munch had died in 1944. However, the Symbolist/Expressionist was so inspired by Dean's run for the DNC Chair that he came out of what had seemed certain to be a permanent retirement to create one more masterpiece, devoted to the Man with a Scream.


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The Scream II



January 27, 2005

Calling All Exterminators: Break Out the Raid

Posted by Dave Blount at 9:58 PM

Normally it's advisable to never lose your sense of humor, because once you do, loss of critical perspective is often soon to follow. But there are some moonbats who go so far over the line that it just isn't funny.

Ward Churchill is a University of Colorado Professor of Ethnic Studies who feels that "more 9/11s are necessary," a sick creep so criminally insane as to make other anti-American sociopaths like Michael Moore and Susan Sontag seem almost healthy by comparison. A major hat tip to Slant Point for providing all the data you need to respond directly to this insect and those who make it possible for him to spread some of the vilest propaganda conceivable in the name of higher education.

The World Trade Center and the thousands of innocent civilians working inside when it was attacked were legitimate targets per Professor Churchill, who admits that the victims "were civilians of a sort. But innocent? Gimme a break."

I can't say I've read Churchill's book On the Justice of Roosting Chickens: Reflections on the Consequences of U.S. Imperial Arrogance and Criminality, in which he reportedly explains why the butchery on 9/11 was a commendable response to US aggression. But I suspect this nugget from the introduction by Chellis Glendinning gives a fair idea of what you might find inside:

The only fitting question for a nation still reeling from the wake-up call of Sept. 11th is, "How can they not hate us?"

It's an unfortunate fact of life that insanity exists in this world, and so does evil, and they sometimes reinforce each other to produce abominations like Ward Churchill. That is why we have mental asylums. But it is not why we have universities. The fact that scum like this is paid to spew their poison in front of young audiences who have paid (or whose parents have paid) for an education is absolutely unconscionable.


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This absurd Che Guevara wannabe is a college professor.



I Have a Scream

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:14 AM

Some may see Howard Dean's cheerful prospects for succeeding Terry "Slime Weasel" McAuliffe as Chairman of the Democratic National Committee as a gauge of the declining mental health of the Democratic Party. Others might suspect an exceptionally diabolical plot secretly engineered by Karl Rove to steer the party off the edge of a cliff and into an abyss of lunatic-fringe moonbattery. In either case, it seems the man with a scream is picking up steam.

AP reported Tuesday that Dean has won the support of Yvonne Atkinson Gates, chair of the DNC's black caucus, and Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. of Illinois. MoveOn.org, which represents the wacko Hollywood wing of the party and offers links to some very deep pockets, has announced plans to get involved in the race for DNC chair, although this could galvanize opposition from any moderates that might be left in the party.

A contingent calling itself The Backbone Campaign (hat tip to LindaSoG at Something... and Half of Something) spent last Friday parading around Washington with a 70'-long spine puppet, symbolizing the fact that rather than wishing a mind for their party, they want a spine. Dean, it seems, is the man to provide it. The group threatens to continue making fools of themselves in public until their list of demands are met. The first item on that list is that Howard Dean must be elected Chairman of the DNC.

The loony-left PAC Mainstreet Moms (they call themselves The MMOB; an individual member is a MMOBster) is taking time out from obsessing on how the 2004 election was stolen from them in Ohio to throw everything they have into getting Dean into the DNC driver's seat. As they point out on a webpage devoted to recruiting foot soldiers for their letter-writing campaign (which is apparently being steered by "The Governor" himself), "This is a fight for control of a budget that could exceed a half a billion dollars by the end of the 2006 cycle."

No word yet on when Dean will formally receive the endorsement of the National Alliance of Unmedicated Hebephrenics.


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Would you want to be the one to tell this man he can't have what he wants?



January 26, 2005

Mystery of Black Support for Democrats Deepens Some More

Posted by Dave Blount at 9:23 PM

Still more evidence that blacks should be voting Republican is documented at Right Thinking from the Left Coast, where it is pointed out that the unreformed Social Security that Democrats want to keep riding until it bankrupts the country screws blacks even worse than the rest of us, due to their shorter life expectancy.

By the way, 13 Senators tried to torpedo Condoleezza Rice's nomination as Secretary of State today, although only one of them was an actual ex-Kleagle from the KKK.



Feeling Bleu

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:01 AM

When the French are using the UN to dig their little poodle fangs into America's ankles, some might give in to the temptation to become annoyed with them. But we need to have compassion. It's not easy being French.

Scratch the surface of haughty worldliness and out pour tears of despair, according to The Scotsman, which cites a report by France's prefects — the country's top administrators — that describes a national state of mind that makes Jimmy Carter's malaise look like morning in America.

"The French no longer believe in anything," according to the report, which used the words "lifelessness," "resignation," "anxiety," and "pessimism" to describe prevailing French attitudes.

"The French doubt themselves and worry about the future," according to French commentator Alain Duhamel. "France has been anxious about its future, about its way of life, for the last 30 years."

Pierre Taribo had this to say in L’Est Républicain:

One is forced to say that the French no longer believe in very much. Confronted with the reality of an open economy, clearly showing less and less appetite for politics, they are disillusioned and doubt everything from Chirac to the government and the Right, which is accused of every ill, to the Left, which has no projects, and the unions, whose activism no longer inspires a reflex of blind adhesion.

It seems that even the recent defection of Oliver Stone to their country can't cheer them up.

So the next time we feel that familiar nip at our ankles, we should remember not to take it too personally. After all, they're probably just acting out. Irrelevance is a difficult burden to bear.



Pro-Abortion Moonbats Object to Church Services for the Ashes of Their Victims

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:54 AM

As reported by AP, a Roman Catholic church drew ire by burying the ashes of hundreds of aborted fetuses, opening themselves to charges that they were "exploiting women's grief to make a political statement."

Some 250 parishioners prayed as the ashes were buried in the Sacred Heart of Mary Church cemetery in Boulder, Colorado, while nearby, moonbats screeched and waved protest signs.

Organizers of the burial service intended to "give the fetuses the burial they deserved and provide a place for women who have had abortions to grieve and mourn."

Kate Horle, spokesmonster for Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains, wailed that allowing the ashes to be buried constituted a violation of trust. Presumably the dead babies were supposed to be thrown in the garbage.



January 25, 2005

Support for U.S. Troops Banned by University

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:58 PM

The magnetic yellow ribbons showing support for our troops that can be seen in any parking lot will no longer be seen on any maintenance vehicles at the University of Oregon, if administrators have their way. Check out the details at Crosswalk.com, where the University President's email and telephone are helpfully listed; see Michelle Malkin for more background.


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Banned by educrats.



A Small Gesture of Thanks

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:52 PM

The Department of Defense has a webpage where you can sign this brief message:

Dear member of the U.S. military: Thank you for defending our freedom.

It takes less than a minute to do. With all the negativity directed toward our military from some quarters, these little gestures might count for something.

The link is here.

Hat tip to The Politburo Diktat.



Harvesting the Fruits of Moonbattery

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:57 AM

According to BBC News, North Korea has cut food rations to half the amount recommended by the UN's World Food Program, whose monitors say that government handouts have been reduced from 300 g (10.5 oz) of cereals a day to 250 g — the equivalent of two medium-sized potatoes. Sixteen million North Koreans rely on the rations. One kilogram of rice now costs 30% of the average monthly wage in this workers' paradise.

History has taught us before that where you have communism, you will have want, and probably starvation. Yet in a disconnect from reality so extreme as to be startling even coming from the BBC, the article tries to pin the blame for the hunger on capitalism.

It seems that in desperation to inject life into his moribund slave-based economy, the psychotic Kewpie doll Kim Jong-Il has allowed some private farmer's markets. According to unnamed "North Korea watchers," this tempted farmers to hold back some of their harvest to sell on the markets, thus causing shortages.

Another communist dictator by the name of Joseph Stalin had the same problem of farmers holding back some of the food they produced. He responded by killing them and seizing the grain. The resulting famines killed tens of millions of people. But as Uncle Joe liked to say, one death is a tragedy, a million deaths is just a statistic.

No doubt the useful idiots at the Beeb could find a way to blame Stalin's victims on free markets too.


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The BBC's Uncle Jong



Hollywood on Lake Michigan

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:53 AM

"In a post-Sept. 11 world," begins an article in yesterday's Chicago Sun-Times, "it's more important than ever that police officers do their jobs without offending non-Christians."

Isn't it reassuring that moonbats were able to draw a lesson from the murder of 3000 Americans by Islamist maniacs on 9/11?

The Chicago Police Department applied this lesson by forcing officers to watch a series of videos "that train officers to be respectful of cultural and religious differences." The CPD takes such pride in these videos that copies have been sent out to the suburbs, to other large American cities, and even to foreign countries.

A future series of videos will focus on Latinos. Deputy Superintendent Ellen Scrivner noted that some Latin Americans will run away if approached by police. According to the article, "most officers would consider that suspicious behavior."

But they will know better, once this planned wave of videos hits them at roll call.



Mystery of Black Support for Democrats Deepens

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:42 AM

It's a given in modern American politics that without the monopoly on the black vote they so insultingly take for granted, Democrats would stand no chance of getting elected. What has not been given is a rational explanation for why blacks vote for a party that holds them in such low esteem.

The Democratic Party's acceptance of lowlife like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson as representative of the black community is cynical at best. But the wrath directed at any black public figure who does not toe the party line is absolutely chilling.

Everyone remembers the "high tech lynching" they put Clarence Thomas through. Now they're subjecting Condoleezza Rice — who no reasonable person could deny is supremely qualified to be the next Secretary of State — to similar treatment in her confirmation hearings.

As if to pour a little extra salt in her wounds, it is a former member of the Ku Klux Klan who is spearheading the effort to drag out her inevitable confirmation so as to subject her to as much denigration as the Democrats can manage.

As reported by NewsMax and remarked on by Michelle Malkin and The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, Senator Robert Byrd has announced "that he would not allow the Senate to approve Ms. Rice without a few days of consideration of her lengthy testimony, and at least a token debate on the floor."

Democrat Byrd left the Klan in 1943, but continued his association with the group long afterward, and was still publicly calling people "niggers" as recently as 2001. In 1964 Byrd demonstrated his devotion to racial harmony by filibustering the Civil Rights Act for 14 straight hours.

NewsMax quotes the honorable Democrat from West Virginia:

I should rather die a thousand times and see old glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again than see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen of the wilds.

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Senator Byrd in full plumage, via StrangeCosmos



January 24, 2005

Another Heroine for the Moonbat Pantheon

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:32 AM

Following in the footsteps of Andrea Yates, who was besainted by Katie Couric and friends after murdering her own five children, Mine Ener has been honored by the dedication of a memorial student lounge in her name at Villanova University, the Roman Catholic college where she used to teach at the Center for Arab and Islamic Studies, before she committed suicide a few weeks after slitting the throat of her six-month-old daughter, who suffered from Down syndrome.



Pink Berets

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:30 AM

As reported on ArmyTimes.com, the Canadian military has drafted a policy calling for its chaplains to formally bless homosexual weddings. Col. Stan Johnstone, a military chaplain who helped draft the policy, admitted that there has not yet been a request for a gay wedding on a base. Maybe their Army Corps of Social Engineers could be deployed to correct this situation.



Going MAAD

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:25 AM

Encouraging evidence of the smooth assimilation of the flood of Muslim immigrants pouring into Europe comes from Britain, where the aptly named group MAAD (Muslims Against Advertising) has taken upon itself the duty of destroying public advertisements that are inconsistent with Islamic cultural mores.

As reported by AFP, billboards featuring immodestly dressed women have fallen victim to the campaign in areas with a large Muslim population. Offending body parts are either painted over or torn off. Ads for perfume, hair dye, bras and the television show "Desperate Housewives" have been defaced.

MAAD's website (currently unavailable because it has exceeded its allocated data transfer) reportedly gives advice on how to vandalize billboards and lists potential targets, as well as indexing defaced ads in Birmingham, where the group is based.

While vandalism is never to be encouraged, at least they aren't flying planes into the billboards, or hunting down the advertisers and slitting their throats.



January 23, 2005

The Six-Foot-Four Six-Year-Old Who Would Have Been President

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:47 AM

"Show me a good loser," said Vince Lombardi, "and I'll show you a loser." Show me a terrible loser, and I'll show you a Democrat. But they make better losers than they would presidents. With each passing week we get an even better idea of how lucky we are that Hanoi John Kerry did not win the election.

When the election smoke first began to clear, Kerry proved that he could infuriate even other Democrats by having squirreled away as much as $60 million of campaign funds that were supposed to be used on his campaign or to help fellow Democrats.

Finally deciding he could part with some of the loot, he kicked in $200,000 to help finance the outrageous postelection shenanigans in the Washington State race for Governor, where the votes were recounted repeatedly until Democrat Christine Gregoire came out on top, an outcome made possible by counting 2000 more votes than there were voters. (This ongoing situation is being followed closely by Sound Politics.)

Kerry then traveled to Iraq, where he made heavy use of hyperbole to badmouth U.S. policy, intoning cadaverously for our enemies' benefit about "horrendous judgments," "unbelievable blunders," "enormous miscalculations," ad nauseam.

Having lifted the spirits of our troops, he moved on to Europe, where he pandered to the absurd notion that the French should be calling shots in Iraq after doing everything short of going to war to defend their ally Saddam Hussein. Describing the trip, the Detroit News noted that "Kerry has a high sympathy rating in France where polls ahead of the U.S. election showed that he would have won by a landslide if the French could vote."

Yet this man is still allowed to serve in the Senate.

Returning from his excursion, Kerry demonstrated the depths of his immaturity by voting against the indisputably qualified Condoleezza Rice's nomination as Secretary of State. The only other member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to do so was Barbara Boxer, who is so profoundly deranged that as of a couple weeks ago, she hadn't even admitted that Bush won the election. "His stand will have little effect as the Republican-led Senate is expected to vote by a big margin to confirm her," Reuters observed.

Apparently having developed a taste for more useful people's ankles, Kerry is now circulating an email letter pushing his petition that demands the resignation of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. According to Boston.com, it is not known how many people, if any, have signed the petition.

But for a few million votes, this petulant fool would have been our President. Let's count our blessings.


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"Mon boudoir c'est là, mon chéri."



Definition of a Moonbat

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:23 AM

Via Michael Medved Fans, KTTH's Dan Sytman's take on the definition of a moonbat — including recordings of the noises made by actual moonbats — can be listened to here. In the Seattle area, you can hear Sytman's show Saturdays from 6:00 to 8:00 AM on 770 AM.



January 22, 2005

Liberalism in 30 Words or Less

Posted by Dave Blount at 11:48 AM

Hat tip to Superhawk at Right Wingnuthouse for uncovering a fun contest at the liberal magazine American Prospect. Define liberalism in 30 words or less and you could win a custom answering machine message recorded by left-leaning garden gnome Robert Reich!

Here's my stab at the prize:

Liberalism is the policy of affecting a morally and intellectually superior pose while siding with society's enemies and undermining or repressing individual freedom, personal responsibility, economic constructiveness and moral sanity.

Although my heart is set on winning the prize, competition is welcome.


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Reich would sound as good on your phone as he would look in your garden.



Britain Rescued From Institutional Racism

Posted by Dave Blount at 9:40 AM

As reported by the Evening Standard, care worker Rebecca Miles was working at Alert, a British center for "victims of racism and domestic violence" when she forgot the name of a Bangladeshi woman and let loose with this unconscionable remark: "It was Pamala, Popalam or Popadom — something like that."

Popadom is a thin flatbread eaten in Southern Asia.

The care worker was told she could keep her job only if she attended an "antiracism" brainwashing course and wrote an essay on an allegedly racially motivated murder. Proving that even in Europe, some people have the backbone to stand up to militant PC lunacy, Mrs. Miles declined.

According to a spokesman for Alert, allowing such comments to go unpunished would contribute toward institutional racism.

No word from Alert on the appropriate humiliation for Ted Kennedy, who recently referred to his colleague Barack Obama as "Osama bin … Osama … Obama."


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Barack Osama bin Osama Obama



Moore Bodyguard Correction

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:38 AM

With apologies, it seems the incident described last Thursday — involving a man who had worked as Michael Moore's bodyguard being arrested on gun charges at JFK Airport — had been misleadingly reported by Fox News. The man was not working for Moore at the time of the arrest, nor should he have been arrested. Full details at Moorewatch.

However, in the tradition of the great Dan Rather, I'm still standing by the story.



January 21, 2005

Caption This!

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:43 AM

If you could use a few laughs, click over to Caption This! The blog's format is simple: a photograph followed by ten alternate captions that you had better not try reading while drinking or you'll have coffee splattered all over your screen. If you're more clever than I am and can think of a caption as funny as the ones the site's author V the K comes up with, post it as a comment.



Attention College Students

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:26 AM

Tired of receiving a steady force-fed diet of far-left fertilizer from the ivory tower moonbats that probably make up most of your faculty? Does it annoy you to be subjected to partisan political soapboxing, even in classes that have nothing to do with politics? Do something about it — and maybe get yourself into the movies at the same time.

New York-based documentarian Evan Coyne Maloney is looking for students to help him make a full-length version of his film "Brainwashing 101" (a short version of the film is already available). What he asks is this:

  1. When a professor voices his or her political views in class — but only when it does not pertain to the subject matter at hand — keep track of how much class time is spent on the political discussion, and to the best of your ability, record the comments made by the professor.
  2. Also, record the date of the discussion, the name of your professor, the name and course ID of the class, and the name and location (city and state) of your school.
  3. Lastly, you must be able to provide the name of at least one other student who was present at the time and who is willing to corroborate your report.

Then email the information to classtime(AT)academicbias(DOT)com. Nothing is guaranteed, but you could end up in the movie.

Cao's Blog has some interesting information on the indoctrination in moonbattery that has become so prevalent on college campuses, what's being done about it, and most important, what you can do about it. Give it a look.



January 20, 2005

Hypocrisy Without Bounds

Posted by Dave Blount at 4:42 PM

Further evidence that the hypocrisy of moonbats knows no bounds was uncovered Wednesday night at JFK Airport, when the bodyguard of anti-American crusader Michael Moore — who made himself (in)famous with the propaganda film Bowling for Columbine, in which he berates his fellow Americans for our alleged obsession with guns — was taken into custody by police for carrying a firearm without a license to do so in New York. He could be charged with a felony.



How to Tell Lies Without Moving Your Mouth

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:05 AM

You might have heard the joke that goes: "How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? His mouth is moving." But this strategy is not effective on the terrorist-enablers at the New York Times, who are gifted at lying not by what they say, but by what they don't say.

An example is a piece in Wednesday's edition, concerning last week's butchery of an entire family, including a 14- and an 8-year-old girl, who were almost certainly killed by Muslims for being Coptic Christians. Their Egyptian sect is thought to go back to the first century AD. But the crime didn't happen in Egypt. It happened in Jersey City — directly across the Hudson River from the hole in the ground where the World Trade Center used to be.

The evidence that the Armanious family was killed by Muslims is circumstantial but strong. As Judson Cox describes the crime:

The family was bound and tortured, before their throats were slit in accord with the instructions for executing nonbelievers, as detailed in the Koran: (47:4) "Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers, smite at their necks; At length, when ye have thoroughly subdued them, bind a bond firmly [on them]."

Theo Van Gogh also died by a slashed throat — a Muslim calling card. As Cox points out, Coptic Christians are especially hated by Muslims for having resisted Islam. This particular family had drawn the attention of Muslims by arguing religion in an Internet chat room.

Hossam Armanious had received death threats from Muslims. According to a family friend, one of the threats read, "You'd better stop this bull, or we are going to track you down like a chicken and kill you." Sylvia was especially brutalized, apparently due to the tattoo of a Coptic cross on her wrist. The girl’s throat was not only slit, but she was stabbed repeatedly in the chest and wrist where she bore the sign of her faith.

Sylvia was a 15-year-old girl.

Jersey City Muslims then rubbed salt into the wounds by crashing the family's funeral. Needless to say, the Coptic Christian community did not appreciate the gesture, and a near-riot resulted. The Times responded in Tuesday's edition by portraying the Christians as intolerant maniacs.

In Wednesday's edition the case, already considered barely newsworthy, is shoved down to the bottom of page B2. The only reason it is there at all is that the Times claims there is new evidence of robbery. The piece feigns puzzlement over what other motive there could be.

As pointed out on Jihad Watch, the robbery angle being pushed by the Times hardly rules out Islam as a motive for the killing: "After all, historically Muslim warriors always plundered the victims of jihad."

None of the words Muslim, Islam, Coptic, or Christian is to be found in yesterday's piece in the Times. There is no reference to the confrontation between Coptics and Muslims at the funeral two days before, or to left-wing assistant terrorist Lynne Stewart, in whose case a relative of the victims had helped prosecutors, according to the New York Post.

The Armanious family are barely cold in their coffins and already they are being written out of history as martyrs to their faith by Islamofascism's allies at the New York Times.



January 19, 2005

Lynne Stewart the Lovable Leftist and Her Cuddly Terrorist Cohorts

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:15 AM

If you find depravity intriguing, and the works of the Marquis de Sade have begun to lose their zest, you might consider subscribing to the New York Times. The moral perversion required to produce their recent puff piece on hard-left, terrorist-assisting attorney Lynne Stewart makes the marquis look like an altar boy.

Lynne Stewart did more than represent Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman, whom a federal jury convicted of conducting a conspiracy that included the lethal 1993 World Trade Center attack as well as a foiled plot to bomb the George Washington Bridge, the Lincoln and Holland tunnels, and the United Nations. She saw to it that incarceration need not interfere with his spiritual calling — that is, presiding over terrorist massacres.

Abdel-Rahman is "spiritual advisor" to the Islamic Group, a terrorist organization with ties to al-Qaeda and Egyptian Islamic Jihad that was implicated in the 1981 assassination of Anwar Sadat and took responsibility for the massacre of 58 tourists and four Egyptians in Luxor, Egypt in 1997. The body of one victim was slit open and a leaflet calling for the release of Abdel-Rahman was stuffed inside the torso.

After this event, the Islamic Group engaged in a ceasefire with the Egyptian government, which they have been striving to replace with a theocratic police state. But in violation of a signed agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice, Stewart passed along a press release from the sheikh, which gave his followers permission to end their ceasefire and resume terrorist activities.

As Stewart explained to CBS, "he told me he wanted this statement to get out to his people."

Stewart also deliberately distracted guards so that Abdel-Rahman could improperly dictate messages in Arabic to interpreter Mohammed Yousry, who presumably passed other terror-related orders along to those who would implement them.

It should be becoming clear why it is absolutely essential that terrorist masterminds like Abdel-Rahman be executed. If these guys don't mind living in caves, they aren't going to object to getting their three square on the taxpayer's tab in a relatively comfy prison — not when helpful public servants like Stewart allow them to coordinate their operations from behind bars.

According to Frontpage Magazine, Stewart was recruited to the case by another anti-American jihadist of the Left, Ramsey Clark. Frontpage quotes her as telling the New York Times in 1995 that she believes in "violence directed at the institutions which perpetuate capitalism."

That could be what won the Gray Lady's heart. The Times' recent piece on her doesn't have much to say about the innocents who died in the World Trade Center bombing, or the tourists butchered in Luxor. It doesn't offer any conjectures on how many others will be killed thanks to orders that Stewart helped to pass along. But it does describe in nauseating detail how much she is loved by her "array of wayward and dispossessed — but fiercely loyal — clients."

"She's not just your lawyer," one hoodlum is quoted as gushing. "She's your therapist, your mother, practically."

Stewart is made out to be a sort of atheist's angel, whose downtrodden clients, victims of capitalist oppression, "pay little, if at all." Perhaps she maintains her portly figure through freeganism as she assists her lowlife clients not for material gain, but for pure love of poking society in the eye.

When a jailed Islamofascist dreams up a clever way to kill our children in their beds, she or someone like her will pass along the plan.


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The Left and Islamic terrorism — The match made in hell.



January 18, 2005

Whom the Gods Would Destroy They First Make Moonbats

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:02 AM

It's good for a laugh when haughty Europeans (the French in particular) pooh-pooh America from the sinking ship of their spent civilization. But it's frightening too — for the same reason that graveyards are frightening. You can't help but think, Once they were as healthy as I am. Now they're decomposing. One day...

Of course, Europe isn't dead yet. But it could be on its last legs.

Prior to the Twentieth Century, Europe had been the greatest civilization in the world for hundreds of years, making unprecedented contributions to every aspect of human endeavor and laying the groundwork for the American civilization currently supplanting it. What happened to cause such a precipitous decline, from Charlemagne to Jacques Chirac?

Moonbattery is what happened.

If moonbattery is a disease, then one of its most severe symptoms is socialism, which has caused millions of deaths and incalculable economic harm in its three forms — Fascism, Communism, and the "third way" variety that cripples the economy through excessive taxation and regulation, and by discouraging work — leaving Europe enervated. An even more severe symptom is the delusion that a culture has no right to defend itself — in this way moonbattery attacks the immune system, like AIDS.

In nature, when an illness has sufficiently weakened an organism that it is no longer fit to survive, it won't for long. The same is true of nations. France, Holland, and Belgium — the canaries in the coal mine of moonbattery — exist today for the sole reason that they were rescued from extinction by the United States and Britain during World War II. But this was only a temporary reprieve.

Ten percent of the population of France now consists of Muslims. These are not the sort of immigrants America has been blessed with — who have come to this country from all over the world for the opportunities it offers, who for the most part have loved this country, and have worked hard both to assimilate and to make their own unique contributions. The Muslim immigrants in France appear to have neither love for their new country nor any intention of assimilating. They are not there to contribute to France, but to displace it. Given the respective birthrates of the immigrants, who continue to pour into the country, and the native French, there is little doubt that unless France defends itself (which it has not), they will succeed.

What stops French civilization from fighting for its life? A combination of cowardice, inability to confront reality, neurotic guilt, lack of cultural vitality, and indulgence in the self-defeating, sanctimonious nonsense that the Left prefers to morality — in a word, moonbattery.

Islamic conquest by immigration is even farther along in Holland, where people are already being killed in the street for expressing views critical of Islamofascism. When Theo Van Gogh, descendant of the great painter, was murdered for making a film that Muslims didn't like, there was a token complaint: an artist painted a mural in his neighborhood that included an ascending angel and the words "Thou Shalt Not Kill." Authorities destroyed the mural lest it offend Muslims.

It won't be long before we see women publicly stoned to death for adultery in Amsterdam. That's when we will know that Dutch culture doesn't exist anymore. Prevented by political correctness from fighting to save their country, the Dutch are responding to the situation by fleeing it.

The situation in Belgium is similar. As in France and Holland, there are those not so disoriented by moonbattery that they cannot perceive their encroaching doom. But in Western Europe, the moonbats hold the high ground. Facilitating the annihilation of their culture by Islam, they banned the country's most popular political party on the grounds that it was "racist" — indicating that in a sense, Belgium is already gone.

The situation extends beyond these three countries.

Sweden's ultraliberal asylum laws have resulted in one quarter of Malmö's population of 250,000 being Muslim. Of these, 90% are unemployed and live off government benefits. For self-defense, police cars enter some Muslim neighborhoods only in pairs.

Once a proud nation, Spain hit rock bottom when it responded to a terrorist attack that killed 200 people by electing an anti-Coalition socialist in a shameful gesture of appeasement.

I could go on.

Ironically, the Islamic culture that will finish off a Europe crippled by moonbattery is itself the withered remnant of a once great civilization. During Europe's dark ages, the Muslim world was at the pinnacle of human accomplishment. Now many of its people have degenerated into resentful barbarians, worshipping a homicidal pimp who promises to reward them with sexual favors from virgins for killing innocent civilians.

Every great culture reaches a point where it begins to decline. But for America that point does not have to come soon — not if we do our sacred duty when we encounter moonbattery by driving a stake through its putrid heart.



January 17, 2005

CAIR Follow-up

Posted by Dave Blount at 3:18 PM

A little follow-up on yesterday's post detailing Fox's agreement to distribute CAIR-produced PSAs to redeem itself for portraying Muslim terrorists on the show "24":

Superhawk at Right Wingnuthouse has made some interesting discoveries regarding CAIR's history of defending terrorism — for example, by standing up for Osama bin Laden as well as the perpetrators of radical Islam's first stab at bringing down the World Trade Center.

Next time CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper comes on Fox News to opinionate, try to refrain from throwing a chair at your television.



Where to Look for Racism

Posted by Dave Blount at 2:46 PM

MLK Day is a time when lefties traditionally dig for examples of racism in an attempt to prove that Dr. King's struggle has not yet been won. With each passing decade, this task becomes more difficult. But that could be because they are looking in the wrong places (elections in Florida and Ohio, for example). They might have better luck if they searched within their own ranks.

A recent post on Michelle Malkin's blog lists a few samples of the largely race-oriented abuse she has received from critics to her left. Here's an example (please excuse the language):

Hi Self hating flat nosed Filipino Bitch! As we used to refer to your kind - little brown Fucking Machines. Looks like this little LBFM learned to whore in a different way to make some pesos. How sweet.

For the record, Michelle Malkin is not Filipino but American. Her parents were Filipino immigrants. Her readers will already know that she is much to be admired, not only for her intellect, but for her courage in facing the hostility of hate-mailers like the one quoted above, as well as other gallant gentlemen of the left like Chris Matthews (aka "Tweety"). Please help avenge her honor by taking every opportunity to subject these moonbats to the ridicule they so richly deserve.



Martin Luther King: The Dream of Common Sense

Posted by Dave Blount at 10:54 AM

Some ideas are so reasonable, you would think even a moonbat would have to agree with them. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that Americans would "not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." What's to argue with?

Given the current state of affairs, it's not easy to believe that the civil rights movement once agreed with King's vision. Of course, a lot of things have changed since then. Before affirmative action and political correctness, it was actually a disadvantage to be black. Most involved in the civil rights movement were good people sincerely interested in advancing civil rights, in contrast to the thugs and demagogues that dominate it now.

Once its mission had been essentially accomplished, the movement deteriorated quickly from Dr. King to the phony "Reverend" Jesse Jackson, a hoodlum who has advanced the art of maumauing to levels of extortion the Mafia can only envy, a tax-cheating philanderer so decadent and corrupt as to qualify as Bill Clinton's spiritual advisor. Now the mantle of Dr. King has been soiled still further by falling into the hands of Al Sharpton, whose irresponsible race-baiting has resulted in a pogrom in Crown Heights and a massacre in Harlem.

The facts that their fellow Democratic candidates kiss the rings of these clowns, and that they treat them as legitimate representatives of the black community, say all you need to know about the Democratic Party in general and more specifically, about its cynical attitude toward the blacks whose votes they have come to rely on. Isn't there anyone worthy of respect for blacks to look up to, that they should be represented by lowlife like Jackson and Sharpton?

Of course there is. Condi Rice and Clarence Thomas are the first to spring to my mind, but there are countless others. But why should blacks need to look up only to other blacks? I don't have to be black to wish I had the intellect of Thomas Sowell, any more than I have to be half Jewish to want to write like Jonah Goldberg.

Common sense doesn't need to be a dream. Why not drop the race-based silliness that is so lucratively exploited by today's "civil rights" hustlers? Why not see ourselves as Americans, instead of allowing ourselves to be balkanized into ethnic special interest groups? Then instead of regarding each other with suspicion, we could focus on our enemies: moonbats and the terrorists they enable.



January 16, 2005

Fox Caves to CAIR, Agrees to Distribute Islamic Propaganda

Posted by Dave Blount at 11:15 AM

In perhaps the most appalling example of moonbattery ever to arise at the relatively courageous Fox, the network has agreed to pay for the sin of having dared to air a show featuring Muslim terrorists by distributing to its affiliates two propaganda pieces produced by the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), a fifth-column Islamist organization with terrorist links.

As reported by The Jerusalem Post, both of the "public service announcements" end with the statement, "Muslims are part of the fabric of this great country and are working to build a better America."

In case you were under the impression that CAIR is just another group of self-righteous dopes trying to impose their nauseating political correctness on every last aspect of human existence, it should be pointed out that it was spun off from the Islamic Association for Palestine, a U.S. front group for Hamas, whose contributions to the fabric of Israeli culture have consisted of killing innocent civilians on a regular basis. Three former CAIR employees have been indicted on terrorism charges since 9/11. In the context of CAIR's agenda, "a better America" would mean one from which all non-Muslims had been eliminated.

CAIR's goal is not to assimilate Islam into American culture. It is to substitute Islam for American culture. According to CAIR's Chairman of the Board, Omar Ahmad, "Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith but to become dominant." Won't that be nice when they succeed; the ACLU won't have to worry about being oppressed by creches in December anymore. Perhaps we can decorate public areas with Christians' heads on stakes instead.

Although Fox is leaving it up to their affiliates when and even whether they will run the CAIR pieces, the fact that they feel the need to negotiate with these villains will send a chill up any sane person's spine. It is the equivalent of agreeing to distribute SS propaganda during World War II.

According to CAIR, Fox officials assured them that the network had already removed some aspects of existing "24" episodes "that could potentially be viewed as stereotypical" — i.e., not consistent with the Islamist point of view — as reported by WorldNetDaily.

In America, Muslims aren't even assassinating noncompliant members of the media yet — like they do in Europe — and already the only network we have that would even consider taking America's side against the maniacs who want to destroy us puts its tail between its legs and whimpers. We are in deep trouble.

Rumors could not be confirmed that Fox News will run a retraction to correct earlier reports that the 9/11 terrorists who murdered 3000 American civilians were Muslim. So as not to reinforce stereotypes, the highjackers will be reidentified as a group of Mormon Rotarians from Ogden, Utah.


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Does anyone remember this contribution to the fabric of America?



January 15, 2005

Grand Abu Ghraib Conspiracy Comes Unraveled

Posted by Dave Blount at 10:43 AM

Last year Christmas came in April for moonbats when photographs of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib were first made public by the now collapsing CBS program "60 Minutes II," showing detainees piled naked in pyramids, tethered on leashes, simulating sex acts, etc. One suspected terrorist was photographed while handcuffed to a bunk with women's panties on his head.

As anyone who didn't spend the last 9 months in solitary confinement knows, the mainstream media predictably took this ball and ran with in, working themselves into a frenzy as they propagandized on behalf of America's enemies. They did their best to cause maximum damage by convincing the world that Abu Ghraib was not an isolated incident, but merely the tip of a vast American conspiracy to subject Muslims to tasteless frat boy pranks — a conspiracy that allegedly went all the way to the top. There were calls for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation. Even now, Abu Ghraib is being used to club Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales.

The New York Times Magazine went over the top by making a cover story out of a piece by anti-U.S. rock-thrower Susan Sontag, in which this darling of the Left ponderously concluded that the events depicted in the photographs constituted actual torture, and that they captured the essence of America — in effect calling for the entire country to resign.

Now Army reservist Spc. Charles Graner Jr., the ringleader of the rogue guards at Abu Ghraib and the first to be tried on charges related to the scandal, has been convicted of assault, battery, conspiracy, maltreatment of detainees, committing indecent acts, and dereliction of duty, and can look forward to as much as 15 1/2 years of seeing the world from the other side of the bars.

The jury rejected his defense's argument that Graner and the other hooligans were following orders from higher up. As the trial made quite obvious, Graner was not acting as a soldier carrying out the will of his government, but was simply a deranged sociopath who unfortunately found himself in a position to cause harm.

Intelligence-gathering was not the purpose behind the infamous events at Abu Ghraib. In the words of prosecutor Capt. Chris Graveline, "It was for sport, for laughs."

Despite its participation in the earlier feeding frenzy, The New York Times admits that "witnesses called by the defense ... almost all ended up reinforcing the prosecution's case that Specialist Graner had abused detainees for sport."

Even defense witness Megan Ambuhl, who acknowledged that she was romantically involved with Graner and did not want to see him convicted, admitted that Military Intelligence was not present when the photographs of naked detainees being subjected to bizarre degradations were taken and did not direct these extracurricular activities.

Another defense witness testified that Military Intelligence soldiers were present when Graner handcuffed two naked prisoners together in an embrace. But under interrogation he confessed that these soldiers ranked below even Graner, and that the detainees were not interrogated.

Although they had promised throughout the trial to put Graner on the stand, in the end his lawyers thought better of this, presumably having realized that it would not be possible to pass off their mentally ill client as a soldier dutifully following orders from above.

The trial made it abundantly clear that the low-level reservist was completely out of his mind. A Syrian prisoner testified that Graner merrily whistled, sang, and laughed while tormenting him. Chatty emails from Graner to his young children, to which he had attached pictures of bound and beaten prisoners, were presented for the jury's consideration.

Eager to impugn his country's honor for the sake of his lowlife client, attorney Guy Womack tried to convince the jury that Graner et al. were being sacrificed in a coverup to protect Army officers. But not being made up of liberal pundits, the jury was having none of this nonsense.

It can now be stated for the record that it was not the secret machinations of Gonzales, Rumsfeld, or President Bush that caused the Abu Ghraib fiasco, but simply a lapse in discipline occurring during the fog of war that let an undertrained reservist with mental problems and a few of his irresponsible pals go berserk. If this case justifies calls for Rumsfeld's resignation, then we should use the next traffic accident as an excuse to finally get rid of Secretary of Transportation Norman Mineta.

But none of these revelations should prevent Oliver Stone from directing a four-hour movie based on the premise that those were actually Karl Rove's panties on the prisoner's head.



January 14, 2005

Why Moonbats Hate the South

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:23 AM

Politically correct leftists sure do seem to have it in for the South. Here's an example:

When a high school band in Madison, Wisconsin played "An American Trilogy" at the State Senate's inaugural ceremony earlier this month, State Senator Spencer Coggs was shocked to discover that in addition to "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "All My Trials," the medley included a few bars of "Dixie" — a tune made into a hit by Elvis Presley but thoroughly hated by those for whom any reference to the South or its culture is "offensive."

Coggs, being both a Democrat and black, presumably feels especially righteous about his intolerance of all things Southern. He fired off a letter of complaint to State Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz, insisting that in the future, a list of songs be submitted in advance, so that anything not consistent with his sensitivities might be censored.

Schultz, a Republican, heroically apologized. Wallowing in the obsequiousness that PC browbeaters have come to expect in response to their repressive demands, he fawned, "I want everyone to feel included." Needless to say, "everyone" does not include anyone erroneous enough to take pride in their Southern heritage.

In case any time-travelers are reading this from an earlier century, slavery ended in the South almost 150 years ago, and there is a lot more to the region than that dark chapter in its history — a chapter shared with most of the world. An uproar over Dixie isn't about bigotry against blacks. It's about bigotry against Southerners, the kind that causes speaking with a drawl to knock 20 points off your perceived IQ in left-leaning quarters.

But don't condemn liberal elitists for this prejudice. Imagining that they are in a position to despise the denizens of "Jesusland" is a therapeutic outlet for the nastiness that seems to fester inside them, and also builds crucial self-esteem. Southerners do sometimes display a hard-headed literal-mindedness that prevents them from appreciating the usefulness of ideologies endorsed by those too enlightened to allow mundane reality to affect their point of view. Besides, who could expect moonbats to like a place known as both "The Sun Belt" and "The Bible Belt"? They might as well call it "The Garlic Belt."


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If this image causes an indignant sense of superiority accompanied by foaming at the mouth, you could be a moonbat.



January 13, 2005

Black Thursday Leftists Discover New Excuse to Shun Work

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:10 AM

On Thursday, January 20, in a grand gesture of petulance, PEST-addled moonbats will protest President Bush's Second Inauguration by doing what they do best — nothing.

A group calling itself Black Thursday is rallying loyal armies of Bush-bashers to scuttle out from under their rocks and... scuttle back under their rocks again.

In order to "send the Bush Administration a message it can't afford to ignore," Black Thursday's earth-shaking scheme calls for a two-prong attack. They will spend a day a) not working; and b) not buying anything.

Their representative David Livingston appeared on Hannity & Colmes last Tuesday. Unfortunately little information could be gleaned as this visibly defeated individual — in acute need of a shower, shave, orthodontic work, and presentable clothes — sputtered incoherently and muttered insults at his host. (It must have hit Sean Hannity hard to be called a "loser" by someone with such intimate knowledge of the meaning of this word.) However, their website reveals details of the master plan.

The one-two punch to the solar plexus of Bush's America will consist of all members of their undoubtedly vast movement taking January 20 off from waiting for their next welfare check and instead spending the day not buying anything — a noble sacrifice somewhat mitigated by the likelihood that their ranks are partly made up of freegans, who meet their needs by scavenging through garbage rather than dirty themselves with commerce.

This protest movement is evidently related to but separate from another with the same name. This other Black Thursday will teach our President a lesson by wearing black clothing on Inauguration Day. The genius of this strategy lies in the fact that the movement's members no doubt consist mainly of hyperconformist urban trendoids, who are rarely seen wearing any color other than black. Even dedicated comrades who drink too much bong water and forget what day it is can still participate in the protest, as they will be wearing black anyway.


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Yes, wearing black teeth counts.



January 12, 2005

Saint Luke Banned from Canadian Chapel

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:18 AM

Every Christmas season leaves in its wake stories of militant moonbats attempting to smother Christianity by banning its symbols and references, in the process sucking all meaning out of the year's biggest holiday. Now our neighbors to the north — who may lag behind in some respects, but are often at the vanguard when it comes to political correctness — have shown admirable innovation by restricting Christian symbols all year round, and in a novel place: church!

What better place to find Christian symbols to repress? But The Calgary Health Region asserts that covering a Christian stained glass window in the Foothills Hospital chapel is not discrimination. Rather, it would be discrimination not to hide the representation of Saint Luke behind shutters. After all, they aim to be inclusive, apparently meaning: unless you subscribe to some other culture's religion, get used to riding at the back of the bus. The important thing is that the many Muslims and Jews who frequent chapels in the backwaters of Canada don't "feel uncomfortable."

Of course the aversion of moonbats to Christian symbols has been well documented in any number of horror movies. But why do they need to keep them covered in the hospital chapel? That's not where the blood is stored.


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St. Luke — Have a look while he's still legal.



January 11, 2005

Moonbat Bloodbath at CBS News

Posted by Dave Blount at 8:53 AM

Four employees of CBS News, three of them executives, died in screaming agony amid fountains of blood yesterday as they came briefly awake to find wooden stakes being pounded through their hearts. Immediately afterwards, their corpses crumbled into unholy dust.

Among the casualties listed by Fox News was Mary Mapes, producer of a pathetic attempt at a smear job that aired on "60 Minutes Wednesday," in which CBS did their sorry best to tilt the election to Kerry by impugning President Bush's National Guard service, lamely propping up their petty slanders with documents that were obviously forged.

Also terminated were Senior Vice President Betsy West, who supervised CBS News primetime programs, "60 Minutes Wednesday" Executive Producer Josh Howard, and his deputy, Senior Broadcast Producer Mary Murphy. The four sacrifices were offered up by CBS after a panel investigating the Bush National Guard story issued a report finding CBS's ham-handed propagandists to be guilty of "myopic zeal."

The head of this particular moonbat coven, referred to in whispers by his subordinates as "The Dan," continues to slumber peacefully in his coffin, but his fangs have been filed down to the gums.

The gruesome slaughter follows on the heels of a hat-in-hand mission by CBS News President Andrew Heyward and Washington bureau chief Janet Leissner to the White House to nuzzle the buttocks of Communications Director Dan Bartlett in order to "repair chilly relations" with the Bush Administration that they had strived so ineptly to limit to one term.

Heyward could not be reached for comment. He was last seen in the Los Angeles area, lumbering toward the La Brea Tar Pits.


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CBS News President Andrew Heyward



January 10, 2005

Still Deeper Off the Deep End: Patriots for Al Gore

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:06 AM

You could be forgiven for thinking that the shamefully successful campaign to cajole a lunatic-fringe Senator into contesting Bush's reelection would be the last word in sore loser moonbats' utter inability to adjust to reality. But no matter how deep some of them plunge off the deep end, others plunge deeper still.

There is a group so profoundly divorced from the here and now that they refrain from contesting Bush's reelection because they still haven't understood that he was ever elected in the first place. Patriots for Al Gore "remain committed to restoring the Peoples' President Albert Gore Jr." to the office he never held except in the feverish dreams of the thankfully defeated.

Although it is outside this group's scope to contest the 2004 election, they do denounce it in their Statement of Purpose, expressing their noisy distain for "a status quo that enslaves the soul and stifles the voice." In the next sentence, they go on to scream that "it is a travesty of justice in any Democracy to ignore the will of the people!" But of course here they are referring to the 2000 election, which their candidate won by not losing by as much as their candidate in 2004. If you didn't know that Gore won in 2000, it could be because this fact was "deliberately kept hidden by our media."

In an open letter to Gore, these patriots further demonstrate their commitment to democracy by offering their support should he attempt to take power in a coup d'etat, assuring him that "should the time come in the future when you seek to take that which you earned, we will be here to fight for you."

Gore may be even more of an extremist than some might have thought, to judge by his worshippers' vow to "fight the right-leaning policies of the Democratic Party."

In related news, patients at a Long Island psychiatric facility are petitioning to overturn the results of the 2000 World Series, claiming that the number of games won by the Yankees was deliberately miscalculated as part of a conspiracy by the right-wing sports media.



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How could you ever give up on wanting this man to be our leader?



January 9, 2005

U.N. Army Conquers Virginity

Posted by Dave Blount at 10:35 AM

Here's a scary thought: what if moonbats had their own army? And here's a scarier one: they do — it's called the United Nations Department of Peacekeeping Operations.

You might think that an army of bumbling pacifist bureaucrats would be no threat to anyone. True, they have not been much of a menace to genocidal socialist dictators like Saddam and Milosevic, or mad mullahs chasing nukes in Iran, or the sinister Kewpie doll in North Korea who already has nukes, or al Qaeda, or anybody else who makes the world a dangerous place.

But there is one group with reason to fear the U.N. Army: underage girls.

As reported by CNN and Reuters, U.N. peacekeepers have been indulging in gang rape and using paltry amounts of food to bribe hungry 12- and 13-year-old girls to have sex. Said a U.N. representative, "If they wanted to eat, this was a way to do it."

A civilian staff member from France joined the fun by photographing children performing sex acts.

The U.N.'s own Office of Internal Oversight found this kind of abuse "serious and ongoing" — and also widespread.

Official policy does discourage raping children, even at the U.N. But according to William Lacy Swing, the Secretary-General's Special Representative to Congo, "The feeling of impunity is such that not only have the policies not been enforced, but the command structures have not always given investigators their full cooperation."

Swing admitted that sexual activities continued even during his investigation into them, as "evidenced by the presence of freshly used condoms" where freshly used condoms ought not be present.

The failure of his investigation to act as a deterrent, Swing hypothesized, could be due to U.N. peacekeepers not having seen "any evidence of a negative impact on individual peacekeepers for such behavior."

While Swing sniffs used condoms in hopes of finding a clue, U.N. bureaucrats in the region devastated by the tsunami spend their time exchanging business cards at pointless meetings, in the words of New Zealand's National Business Review, "taking credit where none is due and proving hopeless at actually delivering relief."

For a wealth of information on the U.N.'s utter uselessness in the tsunami's aftermath — including details on their endless ankle-biting and pathetic attempts to steal credit for the good work being done by America and Australia — refer to The Diplomad, a blog run by career Foreign Service officers.

But at least the U.N. is only sending circle-jerking bureaucrats who stay safely sequestered in five-star hotels. At least they aren't putting boots on the ground. The locals don't much need any more of this.



January 8, 2005

A New Kind of Rebel in New Paltz

Posted by Dave Blount at 9:22 AM

The town of New Paltz, New York made the news last year when its Green Party mayor, Jason West, deliberately thumbed his nose at state law by illegally performing 25 gay marriages in a highly publicized marathon ceremony. But don't let that give you the impression that everyone in this Hudson Valley burg belongs in a John Waters movie. Theater owner Alexander Bulay, fed up with the seamy side of moonbattery — and preferring the values he associates with the late actors John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Stewart to the corrosive bile spewed out by Michael Moore — ran a radio ad appealing to movie-goers with an appetite for decency.

The response was swift and hysterical.

Sputtering that Bulay's taste in movies betrayed him as "blatantly racist" and guilty of hate, and finding his affection for John Wayne movies "especially offensive," Green Party moonbat Steve Greenfield organized a boycott. Bulay's corny taste may be crime enough, but there's worse: he refused to screen Fahrenheit 9/11, the leftist true believer's new video bible.

Clearly this could not be tolerated. Neither could the radio station that carried Bulay's ads, which was promptly found guilty of promoting "racism, religious intolerance and theocratic government, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, torture..." etc.

Despite the racism and hate weighing heavily on his soul, Bulay remains defiant. ''I hope we can do it again next Christmas,'' he said, referring to the boycott. ''It's been very good for sales.''

A statement was released, displaying more of Bulay's audacity:

"If anyone out there expects us to play Michael Moore films, films espousing the virtues of Fidel Castro, Che Guevara or the John Birch Society for that matter, they have a long wait," the statement said, as reported by AP. "That will be on the same day that we begin performing gay marriages in the lobby and allow Pee Wee Herman to set up shop in the men's room."



January 7, 2005

Boxer Bites Democracy's Ankle

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:08 AM

When PEST-deranged moonbats lobbied Senators to contest Bush's clear reelection victory on the grounds that they preferred Kerry, who would have thought that anyone entrusted with the responsibility of serving in the United States Senate would be contemptible enough to actually indulge them?

Sadly, you could almost expect such antics from certain members of the House — the mentally ill elf Dennis Kucinich and his turkey-stealing cohort John Conyers are among the first to come to mind. But no one is about to elect those clowns to the Senate. And without a Senator's backing, a recess of the joint session is not triggered, and democracy rolls forward as the irresponsible stunt is ignored.

Surely any Senator — like the vast majority of Representatives in the House — would have the honor, the decency, the common sense, and the love of their country to respect the will of the voters.

Any Senator but one.

Turning up her snout not only at the will of the voters but at the very concept of voting, Senator Barbara Boxer joined in with the House's loony-tunes contingent to temporarily delay the formal declaration of Bush's second term, alleging vague "voting irregularities," as reported by Fox News.

Boxer admitted in advance that she knew this asinine prank would not allow her to overturn the election and install her own candidate. But she did manage to delay the certification for a couple of hours. She managed to encourage seditious moonbats in their delusion that the U.S. Government lacks legitimacy. She even managed to embarrass her country. As an added bonus, she got her muzzle in front of some cameras.

Not even Kerry supported her, and Republican representatives were understandably appalled. Deborah Pryce (R-Ohio) observed that the intention of Boxer et al. was to "undermine public confidence in the electoral system itself." Senator Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) couldn't help but notice that election irregularity charges were "wild, incoherent and completely unsubstantiated."

"Every time we doubt the process, we cast doubt on that fabric of democracy that's so important," Roy Blunt (R-Missouri) pointed out. "People do need to have confidence that the process works."

But for some, it only "works" if they come out the winner.


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Careful — it nips!



January 6, 2005

Waiting for Godot in the Tony Part of Town

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:09 AM

Merriam-Webster needs to put out an updated edition, because the Coalition Against Election Fraud has given the word pathetic a whole new meaning.

Advanced PEST has apparently blossomed into florid psychosis. If only CAEF could conduct themselves like the dignified psychotics who spend their time in relatively constructive pursuits, like drawing mandalas on the padded walls of their cells with crayons they hold between their toes as they lay on their backs in their straitjackets, snickering and whispering to the ghosts that haunt their corroded minds.

Instead, this:

Believing that they "can still have an impact on the course of this election" — by which they mean the U.S. election that ended more than two months ago — this coalition against reality has been holding a daily vigil in front of John Kerry's residence, starting December 28 and not scheduled to end until last night, the eve of today's joint session of Congress to certify the vote of the Electoral College.

Another exercise in senseless self-degradation was the petition that can still be linked to from their site, requesting targeted senators (including Senator "Snow" — oops they mean Snowe) not to certify the election.

On what grounds, you might ask?

Amid some vague blather about violations, misconduct, racism (of course), tampering, people having to wait in line, yada yada yada, they seem to be asserting that since early exit polls were more to their liking than the actual election results, we should chuck out the results and go with the exit polls.

The closest thing to a concrete allegation is an accusation that the Ohio Secretary of State refused to cooperate with a committee hearing headed by Representative John Conyers, whose staff has recently fallen under suspicion of stealing turkeys that were donated to charity.

As you read this, the petition has presumably been delivered, and the daily vigils have drawn to a close. Maybe the Kerrys took mercy on the poor huddled moonbats, and brought them in from the cold for a healthy snack of gin-soaked raisins — although I kind of doubt it. But hey, I wouldn't let this kind of riff-raff into my house either, and I don't live in a mansion.



January 5, 2005

TV Show Conceives of Muslim Terrorists

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:10 AM

The New York Daily News reports that Fox's series "24" — in which Kiefer Sutherland stars as a counterterrorism agent — is kicking off the new season by depicting terrorists who are not blue-eyed Baptists from Iowa, but Muslims.

"I was shocked," screeched Rabiah Ahmed of the Council on American-Islamic Relations when she got wind of the episode, which has not yet aired. She warned that the fictional characters will cast "a cloud of suspicion" over Muslims.

This sort of outrageous ethnocultural typecasting (ET) has happened before. In the movie Tora! Tora! Tora!, the pilots attacking Pearl Harbor were portrayed as Japanese. Other World War II films have Nazis speaking with German accents. Mafia characters always seem to have names that end in a vowel. White Supremacists are often played by Caucasians.

The ET phenomenon also has its sexist aspect. The Legend of Lizzie Borden won a Golden Globe in 1975, even while cynically casting Lizzie as a woman.

Rumors are circulating that studios plan to combat ET by requiring that Norman Mineta sign off on all scripts and casting decisions.

Hopefully this welcome development will put a stop to ET before the controversy widens beyond entertainment. Already there have been demands from the French that French's mustard be dyed some color other than yellow. Belgians, some of whom identify strongly with their second favorite food after beer, have insisted that the term waffle stop being used to describe the behavior of spineless politicians like John Kerry.

By the way, the 2-hour premiere of "24" is on both Sunday and Monday, January 9 and 10, at 8 EST on Fox, in case you want to check it out.


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Norman "Moonbat" Mineta.



January 4, 2005

Proof of Global Warming

Posted by Dave Blount at 7:23 AM

To have correct opinions is to know that all problems of significance can be laid at the feet of the economic development enabled by the odious combination of freedom and technology that is epitomized by America.

Take the recent tsunami — you might have thought that was a natural phenomenon. Not so.

As quoted by Steven Milloy, the executive director of Greenpeace UK announced in the wake of the tsunami that "No one can ignore the relentless increase in extreme weather events and so-called natural disasters, which in reality are no more natural than a plastic Christmas tree" and Friends of the Earth Director Tony Juniper considers the tsunami "consistent with climate change predictions."

You see, we now have proof that there is such a thing as global warming. The proof is... it caused the tsunami!

A few unenlightened individuals have suggested that the tsunami was caused by an undersea earthquake. These people must not have seen The Day After Tomorrow, which makes clear that monster tidal waves are Gaia's revenge for greedy Americans who insist on traveling by SUV instead of rickshaw.

Where there is PC lunacy, there are lawyers at the ready to transform it into profit. According to Milloy, they have been working on behalf of insurance companies to establish global warming as a contributing factor to natural disasters, so that deep-pocket corporations can be raided to recoup losses after a tragedy.

It may be an obvious fact that earthquakes, tsunamis, tornados, volcanoes, meteorites, locust swarms, etc. aren't caused by car exhaust. But any ATLA pettifogger worthy to be wearing his own Gucci loafers should be able to scrape up 12 noble citizens who couldn't care less, so long as they have a chance to poke big business in the eye.

Ironically, it is not development but the lack of it that has increased the tsunami's death toll. An early warning system, better sanitation, better hospitals, better roads to get supplies to the needy, well-constructed housing, shelters built on high ground — all these things would come with more development, which might help to explain why no one sees a need for Indonesia to send help when hurricanes hit Florida.


tsunami.jpg

A new wave of environmoonbattery?



January 3, 2005

Pink Alert: Moonbat Aid to Terrorists

Posted by Dave Blount at 6:00 AM

Militant moonbats Gael Murphy and Medea Benjamin, representing the traveling circuses Code Pink and Global Exchange, have managed to reach a fund-raising milestone that will also raise your hair: these proud crusaders for loony-left righteousness have generated $600,000 in assistance for the terrorist stronghold Fallujah.

"Humanitarian assistance" usually makes for good press. But Benjamin admits that the point was to assist "the other side" -- i.e., the terrorists our country is at war with.

Most will recall that the rat's nest known as Fallujah was evacuated of innocent civilians (at significant strategic cost to the Coalition), so that the terrorists who had made it their de facto capital could be flushed out. Only within the last two weeks have a few civilians been allowed back in.

Considering the circumstances, and the agenda of those involved, it appears that their aid was targeted to the al Qaeda-linked insurgency that has been murdering Iraqi citizens on a daily basis, sabotaging American attempts to give the country a modern infrastructure, doing everything in its power to prevent democracy from taking root, and killing U.S. troops.

According the United States Code, the crime of treason applies to "whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere." But despite the admirable efforts of LindaSoG at Something... and Half of Something, there appear to be no plans to investigate.

Benjamin added willful inducement of nausea to her rap sheet by singing the John Lennon refrain "All we are saying is give peace a chance" after Jordanian authorities shooed her covey of kooks away from UN headquarters in Amman, where they had organized an anti-U.S. protest without bothering to get a permit.

Murphy's prior accomplishments include demonstrating the Left's high regard for the civilized norms of public discourse by disrupting Donald Rumsfeld's testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee, as well as by rushing the convention floor at last year's Republican Convention dressed in pink lingerie.

Code Pink has announced plans to impose their "family-friendly" freak show on President Bush's second inauguration on January 20.

Communists and Islamofascist terrorists have a lot in common -- contempt for individual life and liberty, hatred of America, blood on their hands all the way up to the shoulders -- and of course, the same fifth-column sympathizers.

Code Pink's communist sympathies -- their slobbering admiration for America-baiting Castro clone Hugo Chavez recalls Josef Stalin's "useful idiot" fan club -- have apparently evolved into sympathy for the devil-du-jour, al Qaeda et al.

"We are the ants," Benjamin warns. "You don't see our work immediately, but we build and we build and we grow and we become so big you can't ignore us."

Someone hand me a can of Raid.


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Code Pink activists bursting loose from an asylum.



January 2, 2005

Nazi Moonbats Invade Schoolyards

Posted by Dave Blount at 11:36 AM

Following the lead of the lowest drug dealers, Panzerfaust Records, an outfit that specializes in using "hatecore" music to promote neo-Nazi ideology, has taken to hooking children by offering free samples of their wares on schoolyards, as reported by Worldpress.org.

Panzerfaust's motto: "We don't just entertain racist kids… we create them." To state the obvious, this is not helpful.

Neo-Nazis, like other totalitarian socialists, have drifted off into a depraved alternate reality where the evil moonbat ideologies defeated by America and its allies still have viability. The fantasy worlds of the unreachably insane may seem about as interesting and relevant as gender-based deconstructionist literary theory -- except these nuts cause actual harm, not only by poisoning people's minds, but by validating the Left's cartoonish and paranoid characterizations of those who oppose them.

Moonbats of whatever stripe help each other out by undermining common sense and contributing to an overall environment of extremism where moonbattery can flourish. But neo-Nazis are the left-wing moonbat's godsend. If these guys didn't exist, the Left would have to invent them.

Hopefully anyone reading these words already understands this, but the difference between the good guys and the bad guys isn't a matter of ethnicity. It's a matter of being sane enough to recognize moonbattery and reject it.

It must be snowing in hell: I've found common ground with the rabidly leftist Jello Biafra. To paraphrase the former Dead Kennedys frontman: "Nazi moonbats -- f**k off!"


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Avoided by women, neo-Nazis resort to elaborate suppositories for sexual gratification.



January 1, 2005

Freegans: Like Vegans, But Crazier

Posted by Dave Blount at 12:09 PM

Have you tried veganism and found it isn't wacky enough? Take the next step: become a freegan. Whereas vegans boycott anything produced from animal sources or that involves testing on animals, a freegan -- realizing that all products are steeped in the sins of capitalist oppression -- boycotts everything.

The site Freegan.info offers a wealth of information for escaped mental patients interested in joining this intriguing moonbat cult. Did you think you could eat a tofu hot dog and remain morally pure? Guess again:

While others look at a tofu hot dog and view it as "guilt-free" because it does not contain the flesh of animals, we recognize that a product is not made profitable from only one form of oppression.

In fact, all commerce is morally wrong, because by paying for something, you are participating in society, and a freegan will have "no part of this civilization other than to take part in its destruction."

In fact, even disposing of garbage is sinful, because that would be "merely another opportunity for profit through the garbage disposal business."

So what are we supposed to eat? And what to do when the trash piles up?

In the tradition of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" (except these people are on the level), the freegan solves both problems at once: Eat garbage!

When you run low on refuse, you'll have to go shopping for more. A freegan shops by "dumpster diving" -- that is, crawling into garbage with other vermin to scavenge. The site includes links to helpful tips on this practice. If you click past the lengthy sermonizing on the evils of any form of economic activity, you will find an ad for a 22-minute instructional video demonstrating how to rummage through trash (price: $20), as well as a link to "Art and Science of Dumpster Diving" -- a 152-page paperback that goes for $14.95.

But despite this minor lapse into capitalism, freegans are admirable for their dedication to moonbat morality: If you can't get a lawyer or bureaucrat to steal it for you, then dig it out of the trash -- just so long as you don't pay for it.



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A freegan goes shopping.